>More to come, but I wanted to bump the thread before it gets 404'd like the last one.

Alright anons, I had some weird shit go down during a camping trip and I'm still trying to figure things out. I'll give you some backstory first, then I'll explain.

I am not one of the hard charging /k/ommandos who went through the portals when they first opened with a Nugget in hand and wanting a new life. Hell, there weren't really any portals nearby, at least that's what we thought.

I had my funs, had my wife, had a shitty truck that was paid for, I was living a decent, albeit boring, life. Then my grandpa died and left me a bunch of shit from his younger days.

Most of it was hunting and fishing gear, some old milsurp, and a worn, but still serviceable over-under shotgun.

I love that shotgun, thanks grandad, I'll take care of it, I promise.

In one of the tackle boxes he left me, was a knife I gave him when I was real young, and a folded up piece of paper.

Started to choke up as I held the knife. Closed the tackle box and didn't look at the paper.

A month after grandad's death, my wife and I decided to split. It was civil, no cheating, no abuse, just two people who got married during a weekend fling and after a year or two decided we didn't actually want to spend the rest of our lives together and would rather split on good terms rather than stay together and let things get messy.

Moped around the house for a few days after the split and decided to go through grandad's stuff again. Found the paper in the tackle box, unfolded it, and saw it was an exploded view of a section of the nearby forest.

A large creek dissected the map, and in the very center was an area circled in grease pencil where the creek formed a large pool.

There was also a note.

>Hey Anon, if you're reading this that means I've finally kicked it.
>I never did get a chance to take you to my favorite fishing hole, so I made you a map.
>I used to go there whenever life came on too strong, and it always helped.
>Hope it does the same for you Anon.
>Love, Grandpappy Anon.
>PS: There's an abandoned mineshaft nearby, if you're lucky, there's still a few bottles of 'shine left for you.

Thanks Grandpappy.

So I took two weeks of vacation, bought a metric fuck ton of expensive whiskey, loaded up my little shitbox truck with all of my innawoods gear, including my guns and Grandpappy's fishing gear, and did just that.

Here's what went down.

>Day 1

>Didn't leave town until later than I wanted.
>That's what I get for trying to convince the 6/10 waitress to come with me on the trip
>Was interested until I told her I planned on killing most of our meals. She bailed pretty quick after that.
>Fuck it, more beer for me.
>Drove to secluded campsite surrounded by forest so I could use the vault shitter. 
>Sit down and listen to nature while I do my business. Birds are singing and squirrels are doing squirrel stuff.
>Comfy shit is comfy.
> Finish and head back to truck
>Grab my bundle of maps I have for the area.
>Light a smoke and plan next move
>Find an abandoned logging road that leads to a small lake not too far from here.
>Stand up, stomp my smoke out, and stretch.
>Realize that everything has gone quiet.
>Look around and see something dart between the trees at the far end of the campsite. 
>Catch a whiff of copper in the air.
>I'm going to ignore that.
>Climb in truck and drive off. As I round a turn I look in the rearview
>Think I saw someone step out of the tree line.
>I'm going to ignore that too.
>Followed an abandoned logging road to a large creek I saw on my map.
>Set up camp, went for swim in creek, and ate a rabbit I shot with my trusty .22 revolver.
>Fresh rabbit and whiskey is good for the soul.
>Watch the sun go down and listen to deer run around in the woods behind me.
>Fall asleep.
>Have a dream where some naked QT with rust colored hair lays down next to me and watches me sleep. 
>She reaches out to stroke my hair, pauses, then pulls her hand back. 
>She stands up and walks back into the forest
>Notice her feet look like deer hooves when she walks away
>Also notice a sweet musky smell that lingers where she was.
>Her face is weirdly out of focus during the entire dream.
>Solid 7/10 dream even if it didn't lead to sex




Day 2

>Get woken up by Mr. Sun
>Stand up and realize I fell asleep on the ground
>OHFUCKMYBACK
>Get fire going again and start brewing coffee
>Realize firewood is getting low
>I'll deal with it later
>Now is the time for fishin!
>2 hours later and not a single bite
>FUCK
>Hear a deer tramping through the woods
>Bambi_Dinner.exe
>Grab my FrankenFinn Nugget and get ready to channel my inner Simo
>As soon as I enter the woodline everything goes completely silent.
>Get another faint whiff of copper as I start walking
>Still gonna ignore that 
>Stalk the woods for any sign of deer, or maybe some opossum, hell I'd even take some snake jerky at this point
>See nothing
>Suddenly feel like I'm being watched and decide it's time to head back
>Become SneekiBreeki
>I am one with the shadows, I'm a whisper in the wind. The very essence of stealth. I am Sam Fis-
>Hear a loud *crack* as I step on a dead branch.
>Well fuck.
>Spook a doe that had bedded down behind me
>How did I miss you?
>Doe jumps up and runs towards me.
>On her hind legs.
>Wut
>Doe shoves me out of the way as she sprints past.
>There goes my dinner
>Wait, did she shove me with hooves or hands?
>Turn around and see a naked human sprinting away at mach fuck
>Naked and has rust colored hair
>"Hey wait!" 
>She ignores me and keeps running, try to follow but she's too speedy for me.
>Return to camp defeated, notice as soon as I'm back out of the woods all the sounds return
>Also notice that someone has been rummaging through my shit
>The scattered remains of a rat fucked MRE menu #2 litter my camp.
>All that's left is the beans, they ripped open the orange drank mix and even snapped the spoon
>Fucking heathens didn't even finish the jalapone and cheese.
>Waste not want not.
>As I sit on the water's edge and finish the mostly untouched packet of goodness I start plotting my revenge
>I'm pretty sure the naked chick did this, it's only thing that makes sense
>And I will make her pay

>As I sit and plot all the ways I'm going to get revenge I hear a loud snore come from the bed of my truck and the *thunk* of an empty glass bottle hitting the metal.
>Jump up and run to my truck.
>In the bed is a light purple chick with horns cradling an empty bottle of Glenlivet.
>My Glenlivet 18 to be exact.
>And it's empty.
>RipandTear
>Raise my Finn and get ready to execute
>Ah but she's cute.
>But she drank my whiskey
>Also she's wearing some weird ass clothes
>Blue wool shirt, too big leather pants tied off with rope, and simple leather boots
>Fucking cosplayers, gonna hang her with that stupid fucking rope.
>Poke the bottom of her boot with the Finn.
>Snores but doesn't move.
>Look from purple cunt to lake, then back 
>Realize I parked my truck so the tailgate is facing the lake
>Lightbulb.jpg
>Get in the truck, get it out of gear, and let it slowly roll towards the lake.
>Stop when it's close enough for my purpose.
>Slap the purple thief on the boot one more time.
>Nothing.
>Get back in the truck, fire it up, and hit the gas.
>The fake purple demon flies out the back and into the lake
>Justice for Glen.
>Get out and wait for her to come up out of the water
>The bubbles stopped but she's not up.
>Well fuck.

Day 2 cont.

>I'm sure she'll be fine.
>I am assured of this.
>Besides, she stole my good stuff.
>The crime fits the punishment.
>The ripples dissipate.
>Fine.
>Unlace boots and dive in after her
>Smack into rocks and see stars
>Mfw it's only 4 ft deep
>Stand up and see her lying just under the surface of the water
>Drag her stupid purple ass onto the shore
>Check the airway
>No air
>Welp I tried.
>
>FUCKING FINE
>Start doing chest compressions
>Never thought this is how I'd get to second base post marriage
>Her eyes open wide as she spews water line a fountain
>Straight in my goddamn face
>Debate on throwing her ass back in the water
>Instead put her in the recovery position
>She keeps hacking and coughing up water for a bit then wipes her mouth and looks at me
>Asks who the hell I am
>"I'm the guy who owns the truck you were passed out in."
>Claims it's her truck.
>I should have left her to die.
>Tell her she owes me for the whiskey.
>She explains that the whiskey was hers too.
>Explain that I'm going to shove one of those fake horns up her ass if she doesn't quit her shit.
>Looks at me in confusion.
>"But these are real."
>Fucking cosplayers.
>Asks if I have ever seen tea leaves before
>"The fuck does tea have to do with your horns?"
>She stares at me in shock before doubling over in laughter
>"Ah but you are a dumb one aren't you?"
>Dumb enough to save your life sneak thief.
>Notice she's starting to shiver
>Get the fire going so she can warm up
>Really do need to get some more firewood
>I'll do it later
>Pour some whiskey in a canteen cup and sit across from her
>She asks for a drink
>I down the cup, pour more and say nothing as I continue to drink it.
>Tell her she's had enough.
>Pour her some in a spare canteen cup and tell her she can have if she explain what she meant about her horns
>Explains that she's a Tiefling and had come over through a hidden portal she found to escape some "fucking knife ears"

>Tells me that they had captured her and planned to sell her into slavery "because she wandered too close to their camp"
>Like you wandered 'too close' to mine?
>She grins at me and shrugs her shoulders
>"I gotta eat."
>Refill my canteen cup.
>I should have left her in the lake.
>Ask what a fucking knife ear is
>Looks at me like I'm crazy
>"Y'know...those fucking elf cunts"
>Is that an Aussie accent I hear?
>Wait, so elves are real?
>Asks me if I've never been through a portal
>Explain we never found any near here, and we're pretty isolated from the rest of the country
>Looks thoughtful at that
>Ask what her name is
>"Aralia, yours?"
>Name's Anon, son of Anon.
>Ask her where the portal is
>Tells me she'll show me tomorrow when she's had some sleep.
>Says her chest still hurts from where I 'fondled her'
>Drink my whiskey and keep quiet on that
>Go to put more wood on the fire
>Only a couple of logs left
>Grab my axe
>"I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay, I sleep all night and I work all day!" 
>Purple heathen looks at me like I'm insane
>Fucking heathen.
>Tell her I'll be back and get her a spare wool blanket I keep in my truck.
>Head off into the woods humming the rest of the song
>Don't realize I'm the only one still making noise
>Find a massive fallen tree and start chopping branches
>As I work, catch a whiff of copper
>Getting difficult to ignore that, but dammit I'm gonna try
>Smell goes away
>It worked!
>Strong smell of that sweet musk returns
>Behold the awesome power of my ability to if disregard all things
>Continue working and humming
>Hear a noise and look up from my work
>It's Aralia the cosplayer
>Waving at me like and grinning like an idiot. 
>"Go-tt- a eeeaaaat."
>Ask what she's doing out here.
>"G-groope."
>N-noooo you weirdo
>"W-eirrrrd-do-oo"
>Tell her I'm leaving
>Gather the small bit of wood I have and turn to leave
>She looks upset but doesn't follow
>Feelsbadman
>She starts waving again
>Doesn't feel that bad
>Get back to the camp and see the purple dork still asleep by the fire
>Welp...fuck.