>be me
>coming home from the range
>met up with a cop i met earlier this week
>fucking soccermoms
>anyway, bought his px4 compact
>seemed unusually happy to be rid of it
>can't imagine why, shoots beautifully
>get home, grab cleaning kit
>take apart, clean, oil
>place on counter while i say prayer at murder/k/ube shrine
>air conditioning off to save money because poorfag
>hot as balls in my russian milsurp
>go change, come back to find small girl opening a window
>her: It's hotter'n hell in here, why don'tcha turn on the air conditioner?
>who the fuck is this little bitch
>me: Who the fuck are you? How did you get in here?
>her: I'm the PX4 Storm ya just bought.
>me: What the fuck are you talking about, kid? 
>her: Don't call me kid, virgin.
>me: WHERE ARE YOUR PARENTS?!
>her: You're not too bright, are ya?
>me: You expect me to believe that you're a gun?
>her: Yep
>me: Alright, prove it. Tell me something only the gun I just bought would know.
>her: The first thing you said when you met my previous owner was "AM I BEING DETAINED."
>me: Alright, so you're a gun.
>her: Is everyone around here this stupid?
>me: You sure are rude. Oh right, you're a Beretta. Fucking Italians.
>her: I'm from Maryland.
>me: I liked you better as a gun.
>her: You can't handle a woman?
>me: You're hardly a woman.
>she slowly walks over to me
>she barely comes up to my chest
>she pushes me
>i get knocked down
>but i get up again
>you're never gonna keep me down
>me: What the fuck are you-
>her: I'll show you how much of a woman I am.
>she pushes me down again
>she grabs my hands and pins them to my chest
>me: I'm not comfortable with this situation.
>i think that's what i said, it might've been a little more terrified and/or hysterical
>her: But you haven't even tried my rotating barrel yet!
>she's got my penor out now, somehow keeping my arms pinned with one hand
>for some reason, i'm at full mast
>must have been the adrenaline
>she gasps in awe at my member
>i feel the pride swell in my chest
>until she starts laughing loudly
>her: That's it?! HAHAHAHAHAHA
>i feel my family dishonored
>shamfur dispray
>she steps on my balls for a moment
>cum instantly
>she looks at me with disgust
>her: Lick it off.
>i burst into treats
>her: DO IT!
>she shoves her cum-covered foot in my face
>when i'm done, i curl up into a ball and sob softly while she goes to the bathroom to clean up
>her: Stay right there. When I get back, we're going to continue.
>oh god please don't let this be my life now
>think about running innawoods