The Smoke Pit
by
Eli


EXT. SMOKE PIT - DAY


FOUND FOOTAGE

The camera's timestamp reads: AFGHANISTAN

Diaz's camera points toward the ground.

Parks, Don, Conrad, Hernandez, and James's shadows show on
the ground below.

Another cigarette hits the ground.

                 PARKS
        Hey doc.

                 DON
        Sup?

                 PARKS
        What's your fuckin' zombie plan?

Don chuckles and laughs at this.

                 DON
        Kill myself, the wife, and then the
        kid.

Everyone turns to face Don.

                 PARKS
        Jesus, christ. Just out with it
        today, are we?

                 DON
        Eh, fuck that. My wife would be
        dead first given her close ass
        proximity to people, if she doesn't
        get bit by a crackhead first. Wait,
        hold on.
            (beat)
        What kinda zombies we talking here?
        Like, Walking Dead, 1978 Dawn of
        the Dead, 28 Days, 2004 Dawn of the
        Dead, or Left 4 Dead 2?

                 CONRAD
        What about Crossed?

                 DON
        Fuck, that is true. What kinda
        zombies are we talking, Parks?

Parks takes a moment to think this one over.

                 PARKS
        In general.

                 JAMES
        Well you gotta be fuckin' specific
        here, because different zombies
        call for different situations. For
        instance, High School of the Dead-

An audible groan from the group.

                 HERNANDEZ
        Carajo.... Here we fucking go.

Another cigarette hits the ground.

                 JAMES
        If we got those zombies, we got
        chicks with supersonic titties.

                 PARKS
        God damn it, O'Reilly, back on
        topic, please for the love of god.

                 JAMES
        I'm just saying! It would change
        some of the variables, if not at
        least slightly!

                 PARKS
        Okay, new fuckin' rules. The real
        world still fucking applies. We'll
        break it down between runners and
        walkers.

                 DON
        So, walkers first?

Don chuckles. Another cigarette hits the ground.

                 PARKS
        Yup. Miller, you haven't said much,
        what do you think?

                 CONRAD
        Alaska. Nothing can live through
        that cold.

                 HERNANDEZ
        Nothing can live out of your mom's
        vagina either, and look where that
        got us.

                 CONRAD
        What's your fuckin' plan smart ass?

                 DIAZ
        Jesus christ.

Diaz chuckles.

                 HERNANDEZ
        Something funny, homie?

                 DIAZ
        Nah. Go back to what you guys were
        talking about.

                 PARKS
        Reporter?

                 DIAZ
        Me? Fuck, I've never thought about
        it. I don't even have guns.

                 DON
        Well, he's fucking turning. Which
        one of you guys wants to put him
        down?

                 DIAZ
        Look, if it got that bad, I
        probably would end up infected.
        What does Hernandez here have to
        say?

                 HERNANDEZ
        So, I'm gonna get my homies, mi
        tia, mi tio, los hermanos, all that
        good shit you know. And then we'll
        camp out in the middle of the
        desert and have an extended
        quincinera. You ever have one of
        those? My last one was fuckin'
        great. I banged mi tio's daughter
        mailman's daughter and then he got
        all mad and said he was gonna kill
        me, so then I had to join the Army
        and shit.

Everyone goes silent.

                 HERNANDEZ
        What? Y'all are lookin' at me like
        you just got el chapo or somethin'.

                 PARKS
        Alright, we get it, dude.

Another set of cigarettes come down from the group.

                 PARKS
        So, runners.

                 DON
        Kill my family, my wife, my
        daughter, and then myself in that
        order.

                 PARKS
        Are you okay?

                 DON
        Yeah, just telling you how it would
        go.

                 PARKS
        Conrad?

                 CONRAD
        Suicide. Probably kill as many of
        them as I can beforehand.

                 PARKS
        Hernandez?

                 HERNANDEZ
        Try to survive I guess. It wouldn't
        be good, if it was those kind. Wey,
        that's a bad time right there.

                 PARKS
        Congrats on being the most hopeful
        person here for whatever that's
        worth.

A voice comes out.

                 IND NCO
        Hey! Parks! Need you and the others
        for a work party.

                 PARKS
        God damn it.

An annoyed sigh comes from everyone.

                 DIAZ
        Shit, I was recording the whole
        time.

The camera comes up to face Diaz. Diaz looks dishelveled. He
turns the camera off.

                                          FADE TO BLACK.