>be me >22 yr old ex-cadet from brazilian helicopter school >learned how to fly a helo, got kicked out of the academy for drawing a dick on my helicopter’s front glass panel >my fucking CO was pissed that day >something happened around… 30 days ago? i don’t even know anymore >i was in the middle of watching legal japanese ‘cartoons’ and i got eternally buffered >then, a few days after, everyone got the fuck off >except my pal >meet José >imagine a 25 yr old griller >defends rights to have guns, but fruitfully just doens’t give a shit >met him when I was still in academy, became buddies in the local bar ever since >some fucking feds became knocking on everyone’s doors, but me and my buds were too hungover that day in my apartment to notice >ever since then, we’ve been scrounging off of local store-bought packs of food and unseasoned rice >but, today we discovered that they even abandoned the military base nearby >and, lucky for us, the dumasses forgot their fucking helicopter there! >don’t ask me how I know it, josé came running back to my apartment with the news >that’s the chance we have to get out of here, since the roads are all fucking clogged… >morning, on the day before the ‘day’ >today, we’re gonna take our time to pick up stuff that we need >i go down to the apartment garage with my trusty rucksack, and stare at the beauty unfolding in my eyes: >my dark-green quad bike. I bought it last year, but didn’t manage to use it a lot since the police always fucking were on my ass if I used it in public >it’s her time to shine, boy. >i hop onto the seat, and josé sits on the back with a bunch of plastic bags stuffed in his pocket and a purple school pack >”So, where do you think we’re going?” “To the city center, of damned course! Just drop me off near the supermarket and I can make my way. Just come back quick.” >”Alrighty” >click a button from the bike, and the garage doors open >turn the handle of the quad, and it jumps forward violently, heading to the center… >reaching the city center, I drop my pal off in the front of the local market, ‘Lojão do Real’ >it’s one of those dollar stores, but worse since it’s a third world country >i don’t even know what he’s gonna do there, but he just darts in waving off >”If something’s wrong, just scream!” “That’s what yer mom said!” >god damn drunkard >i lose track of him inside the store, and just go on to the things I need to do… >there are no good milsurp shit in my city, but there’s a camping shop I know about… >proceed to drive to it >i stop the bike a few squares later >turning it off, i go into the banged-up store’s door >fucking smash the lock open with a stone nearby, and open it up >inside, there’s nothing much. >just decent-quality camping gear >i grab two big tents for the both of us, along with some inflatable mattresses and cold-weather sleeping bags >along with camping tools, cooking pots, etc etc for both of us >i don’t know what will happen, but at least we have spares. >and gorilla tape >unleash the ape, am i right? >go back to the quad, with everything in my backpack >i hope my buddy is carrying food, because i just grabbed some lifeboat rations incase >go back to the store I dropped off my pal in, and holy shit. >why did I bother bringing him? >he just puts the now full plastic bags full of shit and tape them onto the quad >i can distinctively see a rice pack, beans, salt, sugar, etc etc… >the first bag is preety normal, but the second surprises me. >he fucking used a trashbag-sized bag and filled it up with fucking beer. >not even good quality ones, that he could have gotten >THE MOST GENERIC SHIT YOU GET ON BARS >THE ONES THAT TASTE LIKE COW PISS >not that i have tasted cow piss, by the way. >AND HE MANAGES TO FUCKING GRAB A RC HELICOPTER >WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO WITH AN RC HELICOPTER? >”what the fuck are you thinking about doing with that? that’s just wasted space!” >he proceeds to grab a beer can from the sack, and crack it open “i don’t know. I just saw this was nice and picked it up! I also got these goggles here and a camera, pretty cool right?” >he pulls out from the bottom of the beersack a child’s NVG binoculars >oh god >”what the fuck are we going to do with this?” “uh… see in the night?” >aaaaaaaaaaaaa >he hops on, and taps my shoulder >end up shrugging, and going back to the apartment The next day... THE DAY >early in the morning, I wake up to josé hearing his obnoxious northeastern music >god, he’s a nutjob. >get up from my bed, and begin packing my shit up >i hand over one of my bigger daypacks to josé, but he politely refuses >i don’t know anymore >give him his stuff, and he gladly shoves it all into his backpack >along with a few bottles of vodka and some 2l water bottles >I packed up my backpack neatly. my sleeping back, mattress, and tent are taped to the outside while I grab the essentials >bleach, some rags, snacks, etc etc >at the end of setup, my backpack looks really big and stuffed, but very tidy >josé’s backpack on the other hand… >he taped cans of beer to the outside >smh >me and him board up on the ATV >with him directing me to the military base >oh boy, i sure do hope no one's there >reaching the base, we stop near the rusted gate of the complex >it’s situated on top of a hill >noone. literally no one's here. >i reach onto the atv’s front, grabbing a wire cutter from the tools stored onboard >putting the lock in the middle, I force it…. *CLACK* >the lock cedes, with the gates tumbling open >we get back the ATV running, and dart into the base… >oh. oh man. >i rest my eyes on this beauty in a helipad near the only building >all mounted up with rockets and a 20mm cannon >oh, hell yeah! >”Holy shit man, are you lookin’ at this?” >i don’t hear back from josé >look behind me, and he’s gone >hear a muffled voice, coming from the building “yeah yeah, i see it! now come here!” >smh >go to the building, with josé already bursting open the door >checking around inside, i see the armory room open >walk in on josé, metaphysically, fingering one of the reservist nuggets >”what the fuck man?” “what? i like this” >around him are the new assault rifles the army was using, and even an FAL with a scope on it >i go on to inspect the FAL, since it has a long-ass barrel with a scope on it >while i hear ruffling behind me >oh well >the rifle is in pretty nice shape, along with the barrel and everything. >i guess we’re gonna take more than one day, yeah? >I grab one of the new assault rifles and the marksman FAL, laying them near the ATV >now, to the prize >i go to the very nicely-parked helicopter, looking at it >it’s in top notch shape, and everything seems nice >open the door and get in, the interior being really comfy. >the seats are made of leather, with the pilot and co-pilot seats being basically untouched >I go around checking the aircraft’s functions, even turning on the rotors for a second, and everything is just fine. >this one even has a nose camera on it! >sadly, it cannot record anything, but oh well. >i get lost into this amazing machine, and when I look around the complex, I see josé dragging ammunition over to the helicopter, and loading everything we have from the ATV into the heli >he even manages to fit the fucking quad into the passenger seats >good lord >spend the rest of the day readying up the heli, loading extras up into everything. >the next day, I wake up to see josé taping belts of ammo around the tail >all the ammunition I neatly stored inside the helo for minimal drag? he just pulled it out to fit beer. >to save space, he even already assembled his RC heli and slapped a go-pro under it with some glue >”Day, josé. Do you think this will actually work?” “Of course, why wouldn’t it? We have ammunition, food, all and alls.” >”what about fuel?” >josé freezes up, looking at me “I guess we grab more in the way?” >no spare fuel >god damn it. >walk over to the heli, and get onboard >josé goes into the building to double-check if he packed everything >he brought onboard three guns: a dirty recruit bolt-action nugger >a 5.56 IA2 >and the FAL with the scope >a few boxes of ammo here and there, along with some extra radios incase we become buddies with someone >i start the pre-flight check >all is ok, the battery is functioning, rotors are good… >flip a few switches >the panel instruments light up slowly, as the rotor starters power up >this is it, I guess. >josé boards the helicopter, instead of sitting in the copilot seat, he is just messing with the camera onboard “there’s no HD in this thing” >”what do you mean” “we can’t record shit in this” >fuck >just when I was thinking about recording this chaos >oh well, too late I guess. >”we can’t spare more time. I think we already made enough sound.” >josé sighs, cracking open a beer can that he brought in, as he grabs a speaker from one of his haul sacks from before >what the fuck >before I can’t say anything, he just starts blasting some very-fitting music >very slowly increase power to the engines >the nimble helicopter quickly lifting off the ground >the loud-ass sounds almost driving me mad from the few seconds >until josé, with one of those helo crew helmets on, taps my shoulder and hands me one of the same >”where the fuck…” “i found them behind the seats. Their radio should be hooked up already, so enjoy.” >i plug the helmet in, and put it on my head >the ear-shattering rotor sounds fade away almost instantly, and I can clearly hear the music in the back NOW PLAYING: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TLV4_xaYynY&ab_channel=JimiHendrixVEVO >after getting a good altitude, we decide to head northeast >until we hear a broadcast on the radio “This is the Neu Brasília Emergency Broadcast station. To anyone hearing this, we have established a safezone against this… mess that is happening around the world. We are currently stationed in Rio De Janeiro, the new Capital. Good luck.” >i guess that’s where we are going >to the worst place in brazil. “Do you think they’ll have nice hookers and shit waitin’ for us when we appear with this?” >”I really hope so, oh well. Buckle up.” >turning on the GPS, the datalink shows no other birds in the air in the entire region >we’re the only ones… >well, Rio is around 200km away from here, so it won’t take long… >i hope. >after an hour, we get close enough to get a look from the city over a hill >i add more thrust, and the heli easily climbs over the hill by a few feet >and, god almighty, it is beautiful from over here >the endless blue of the sky colliding with the very light blue from the sea >the city, and the mountains surrounding it, are very beautiful >waves clash against the coast, making even josé happy from the camera seat “It really is beautiful from up here, ain’t it?’ >”sure is, bud.” >we stay hovering over the small hill for a few minutes >until the pilot’s worst nightmare begins >BWEEEEEPBWEEEEEEEEP >oh shit >the hellish beep >the one that means something locked onto you >i have a split second to realize, then i start hammering the flare button trying to dive >josé fucking screams loudly, as the helicopter decreases altitude rapidly >light shines through the windows, as i visually see flares being released >the beeping gets louder, louder, and louder, until it is deafening my ears… >barely, the helicopter goes under the hill and I look up to see a missile flying over the helicopter by a few feet >after getting about 100m away, it fucking explodes mid-air >josé, that was already about to become voiceless, now should be literally shitting his pants “FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK- >my hands, gripping the stick, lightly shiver as the explosion shakes the fuselage of the helicopter >miraculously, it was out of range to hit us with damaging shrapnel >i realize the helicopter is still diving towards the ground, and it seems we’re going to crash… >until the dirt secedes into a hole >i try pulling up, and the helicopter’s nose faces up >but it doesn't change direction >the helicopter dives into the hole just as we start hearing radio chatter about a downed helicopter in their radio frequency >behind us, the slowly-fading light is replaced with pitch darkness >everything is dark, and it seems like we’re in a void… >the only source of light come from my now disconnected GPS, josé’s camera interface and the cockpit controls >josé, in his seat, is just gripping for his life as the adrenaline refuses to stop >the can of beer that once was in his hand is stuck to the ceiling >we continue to fall, and any input from the stick seems to do ill to help >I feel my mind becoming dizzy by the moment, and my vision blurs >until we just missile through into light >a dark-blue just shines into my vision, with something behind us pulling a noticeable vacuum >i level the aircraft after a few seconds, putting a temporary end to this fucking pain >flicking the switch for the auto hover, in relief I look back at the passenger area >josé is passed out in his sear, with the beer can spilling onto his pants >god, what the fuck was that? >and where the fuck are we… >fuck, man, it’s cold. >i fiddle with the GPS for a bit, trying to get it to connect to anything >but it just… doesn't find any satellites to connect to. >my cell-phone is out of range too, but the radio works as expected… >i take a glance in the altimeter, and it reads 5.700 meters >just below service ceiling… holy shit >taking a glance at the ground, it shows an entirely different landscape >snowy mountains, desert and semi-arid patches, lush forest regions… >good christ, what the fuck? >I decrease the altitude very slowly, right over some grassy plains >there are a few towns scattered here and there over the vast plainst >but… most of them are made out of wood. >and only contain 10 houses at max… >this isn’t normal. >this isn’t brazil. >is this shit that they were talking about in the news? >a whole, new universe that people were flocking to… >oh god. >josé regains consciousness, and he starts fucking steaming “WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU TAKE ME GOD DAMN-” >”I DON’T KNOW EITHER.” >josé takes a look around, and he is surprised “... you know, when I told you that, i wasn’t expecting a fucking trip to the europe grasslands!” >”we aren’t in europe you dumbfuck” “wait, where are we then?” >”in dumfuck nowhere” “...oh shit.” >he gets positioned again in his chair, drinking the rest of the beer that wasn’t spilled on himself, getting onto the camera and scanning around >i decide that it would be wise to lower the altitude more, and fly over some of the settlements >the nearest one we fly above is built out of… swamp-y wood? >in the most generic grass biome? >i don’t know anymore… >but little green men, at least from over here, flock out of their homes to look at us >”Hey… what the fuck are these?” “I don't know, lemme look closely…” >josé ups the zoom on the cams, and looks shocked >”what are they?” “anon… do you believe in orcs?” >”orcs… what the hell are you talking about?” “come over here, then.” >i grind the heli’s speed to a halt, and then get out of the pilot seat to watch closer to the camera >the green men are actually hulking beasts that look utterly shocked with their tusks coming out of their lower jaws… >oh god. He ain't joking. >These are really what orcs looked like in all those drawings on the net >get back onto my seat, going over to the next settlement >there are more settlements to the north, east, and west. >a few minutes in between going with the helo >we fly over to the northern one, the residents were already watching from afar, and they look like nimble humans >their houses are made out of some really beautiful wood, sort of like german traditional houses >unlike the orcs, they look less surprised. The people even wave at us. >more time passes, as we go on to the next one >to the east, there are a bunch of stone houses built into a hill. Little, short men get out of their homes screaming at us violently, and one even throws a rock far enough to graze the cockpit window >and, to the far west, there’s a… military base? >we gotta get closer to it… >hovering over it, I can see a flag raised high up on a pole, a clear helipad inside of the perimeter, and a tent behind sandbags. >a base pertaining to the brazilian army. >i hear a faint, beeping, and when I look at my cockpit I see the fuel reserves almost running out >i don’t think twice, and touch down on the perimeter helipad >me and josé get out of the helo, and from down here, we notice it’s abandoned >spent casings lie in the ground, the canvas tent has cuts and grazes, and many supply crates are thrown around under a tarp shelter. >i grab the ia2 from the helo, and go onto exploring the tent >bunk beds tipped over, ammo crates, food, everything spilled and thrown around >but, something moves under the tipped over bunk beds >i go on and kick one of the bunk beds, aiming the rifle at it >something big, almost as huge as me, just fucking jumps out of the bunk bed mess away from me >I swear to god I saw a human shape… >I try going to the other side of the tent, but it’s already gone. >this place’s gonna need a lot of fixing if me and josé intent on living here… >going back, I already see josé fiddling with the boxes >they are filled to the brim with spare parts, 20mm ammo, etc etc “Hey, anon, this isn’t the only thing this place has!” “WE HIT JACKPOT!” >”Why did we score a jackpot? We still are out of fuel, remember.” “that’s literally what I was gonna tell you.” >he shovels a bit of dirt under his feet with his hands, and a metal-rounded shape glances through my eyes >”do you mean…” “yes. it is stocked with fuel. And, guess what? I think we could hit up the village people for some services, don’t you think eh?” >becoming a fucking merc >that’s something i didn’t expect >”... but do they even speak english?” “Hell if I know! But if they do, they are prime-motherfucking-clients! Just imagine the amount of shit we’ll make!” >”guess you’re right…” >we unload our stuff from the helo, and set camp in the tent >patching the holes, cracks, and ripped pieces with duct-tape >we move the probably-fucked over bunk beds away, setting up the mattresses here for today >we plan moving our stuff separately, and use the tent for just a community area, but that’s for later >all that I can think about is getting some good sleep, for once… >I get shaken up in the next morning >josé is glancing excitedly >”what the fook do you want…” “You’re gonna want to see this, cinderella.” >get up from my hastily arranged sleeping bag, since the cots were fucked >glancing outside from the barrack tent, the world outside is just beautiful >hills calmly overlap each other, just like if it was a sea of dirt >each wave calmly dissipating into the next one… >trees scatter the land, but distinct hedgerows and grasslands are scattered around >I didn’t notice before, but the base is on top of one of those small hills. >and, there’s even a small dirt road connecting to somewhere I guess >the locations where the settlements were all have emerging smoke stacks coming from them, and they are really far away from each other >from the helicopter, we didn’t notice it that bad, but by looking at them from here… >good lord this is a paradise. >looking at the edges of the morning clouds, there’s a big spike… >a big, BIG mountain >i don’t know how i didn’t see it from here… >swear to god I saw some dots flying from there >this place is literally surreal… >my daydreaming gets interrupted by the whirling sound of a drone >looking at the center of the outpost, near our helicopter, josé sits on the landing ski with a controller in his hands >i instinctively look up, and barely dodge something diving at my face >”WHAT THE-” “That’s what you get for not paying attention, flyboy!” >my fucking god I swear >”YOU KNOW THAT CAN HURT, RIGHT?” “Relax, i know what i’m doing.” >his RC heli lands next to him, and he has the gopro attached to it >”Wh-” “Since we don’t have that praised HDD for the helo cams, I got some good old improv going, what do you think?” >”isn’t the recordings going to take up more-” “shhh, I wouldn’t worry about it” >ohok “So, do you see the smoke plumes?” >”yeah, off in the distance?” “mhm. They have been lit ever since we touched down here. What do you think we should do?” >”I- I don’t know… get out of here?” “No… why don’t we give them a show eh?” >he opens the helicopter’s door, and taps a small wooden crate hanging from the seat “This… This is a crate. What do you think it’s filled with?” >”explosives? grenades?” “No! you’re being too hostile, think about it. What’s fun about an airshow?” >”seeing planes?” “NO YOU FUCKING- ah, god damn it, okay it’s the fucking smoke. The crate’s filled to the brim with colored smoke and flares, and we throw it around and tape it to the craft, what do ye think?” >”yeah, but what are we going to-” “OKAY, YOU DIMPLEFUCK. WE FLY NEAR THEM, DO SOME COOL SPINNIES, GRAB THEIR ATTENTION, AND COME BACK. THEY’LL PROBABLY COME INTERESTED IN US.” >”okay… that sounds bad enough that i’m in.” >josé packs up the RC heli, and puts it in the helicopter >hop on and do the pre-flight checks, battery checks, etc etc >josé after a while hops onto the helo with some aviators on >”You tryin’ to give them a good impression?” “OH of course! what’s cooler than a flyboy with some aviators, eh?” >”you do realize they didn’t see top gun, right…?” “......still i feel cool.” >he proceeds to lazily sit onto the helicopter’s camera seat, cracking open a… cold one? >”how the fuck-” “I packed a cooler.” >”and you didn’t even pack some shit for me?” “Isn’t beer enough for you?” >”...i would rather have something else.” “pussy.” >the helicopter slowly rises into the air, with the audible ZZZZZZZZZ of the electric landing gear motors being heard and rumbled through the craft >Getting enough altitude to see where the smoke stacks are coming from… >there’s three of them in some edges, and there is a random smoke plume coming from the middle of the three settlements’s triangle >I guess we’re doing some flybys today, eh? >I lightly tilt the stick forward, and the nimble whale gaining speed while still maintaining altitude… >”Hey, buddy. I’ve been thinking of something…” “yeah, anon?” >”Did we even give this a name?” “oh, fuck. We didn’t, right? Uh, why not the Air Conditioner?” >”No, people won’t know air conditioners… Why not Rio Fan?” >he crackles on his seat, chuckling “People won’t understand that one either, why not Fan?” >”Hm… I don’t know, Why not something referencing the land? Like, Leaf Blower or something else…” “I don’t know… Fuck it, let’s go with The Rainmaker, It’s funny.” >”Aaight.” >The Rainmaker… god, I thought it was going to be a joke, but it’s a good name. >the same fear those fucking druggies feel while jumping houses to dodge the inevitable doom… >that’s the shit! >We’re a few kilometers away from the first villa >the one full of spearears >yesterday, we flew pretty high, but today we’re buzzing with them. >did you see what i pulled there? >pretty funny right? >right? >josé opens the doors, and lights up one of the flares >he just slaps it to the helicopter with some tape on both sides >he does that for the other side, too. >from afar, they’re already startled >going out of their villages, the children literally amazed at the faraway display >oh boy, we’re goin’ in! >i tilt the helicopter aggressively, the speed shaking the fuselage to bits >José is sitting on the heli’s floor, onto one of the doors and enjoying the hard breeze with his aviators. >he even went as far to fucking tie a cord from the heli onto his belt >crazy fucker >as we near half a click to the village, we start to see the small little peasants getting bigger, and getting startled. >the village women are already starting to go ape, while the men are just laughing to each other enjoying >the children are all crying tho >next time i’ll just drop some ear pros, whatever >the more we near, the men start getting panicked. the women are already running into the houses, probably hoping nothing happens >we quickly buzz their village, the downwind almost flinging the men awry. >awry from all of the dresses lifted >everyone there was scared for a few seconds after we passed, and then they all went just crazy >they fired arrows, rocks, everything at us >most of them hit the rotors, and they just got instantly shredded. >josé is laughing his ass off at this, saying they just had their jaws dropped when their arrows got fucked >the ones that plinked, just got lost into the wild. >fucking dumbasses heehehehehehuuehu >the flares we had on our heli run out, so josé just puts some new ones in and gets ready to light them when we buzz the other one >a few minutes pass, and we get near enough to the next village >a click away, and we already see the funnies happen >the once little green men are massive hulking beings, most of them cheering uncontrollably >but, the men are cowering behind seemingly herculean-toned women in their roofs >the closer we get, the crazier these people become >men running into their homes, and the children? >they just don’t give a fuck, they’re there to eat >when we pass over, the women jump crazily on their roofs, probably thinking… >what massive chadlike beings who they crave for instead of their men built this? >I mean, that’s what I think. >nobody would fucking chimpout so positively over a fucking helo >and, even more, one of the smaller options available >right? >i honestly don’t know… >josé at this point is just dying, these fucking primitives are sure a bunch of dummasses. >we just go to the next, and last, settlement >and, yet again, a few minutes pass until we get onto really visual distance of the settlement >or, rather, dwarf fortress >is that what they call those small fantasy guys’s glorified vietnamese holes? >i don’t know. SHWOOOSH >a large gust of wind sends the heli off-track to the right >joão is hanging onto the top rail, fucking screaming >what the fuck…- >I look onto the settlement again, and a fucking boulder is just coming towards the heli directly >proceed to swerve the chopper, dodging the incoming piece of rock >quickly flying over the settlement, josé gets back onto the heli, and kicks my seat “GET US THE FUUUUUUCK OUTTA HERE!” >”OKAY OKAY SMARTASS, DIDN’T YOU SAY THIS WAS GONNA BE FINE?” “HOW THE HELL WOULD I KNOW?” >Okay, okay… should I make a strafe for them? >they almost got us… >no, no… what are we going to do once our supplies run out? we need a good opinion from these folks… >”We shouldn’t go back to base.” “wh- why tyhe fuck not?” >”they’ll track us down.” >josé comes to a quick realization, and just nods “what are we going to do in the meantime?” >”So, before you interrupted me, I was thinking about the mountain range a bit away” “B-” >”We’re going there to take a little tour, what could happen?” >josé looks in awe >his tricks finally played against him >checkmate nigga >gaining altitude, we can see our base from here >should be easy to find those mountains… >the base is to the northwest, so the mountains should go to the… >south. >i tilt the helicopter again, and there it is… >that amazing mountain range. >”Hey, drunkard. Mind closing the doors?” “why?” >”this might get a little chilly.” >he looks purely amazed at the show of stupidity, and he proceeds to close the doors >”So, what did you pack up for us?” “Some water, chips, mats and stuff. Basically everything that was in camp, just incase” >”good, you mind passing the night away for once?” “Fine…” >about half an hour since we last saw camp, we get near the mountain range >many km away from the kerfuffle waiting for us >we got here at about… noon I guess? >it seems really, really late in the afternoon though >i’ll need to adjust my clock then. >the mountain, oddly enough, splits in two >black dots, the same I saw before, are all birds >big birds, flocking all around the mountain >huh, i wonder what they are >bring the chopper to a stop, levelling it with the autopilot >”See anything josé?” “Nothing… The cams aren’t picking up any heat signatures from down here. Seems almost deserted.” >”Good, can you try finding us a good spot to bring down the bird?” “Trying…” >we hover for a few minutes, until I hear a loud whizzing sound and something hitting the side door >shaking the helicopter slightly, but it still holding the hover >”What the fuck?” >”José, what was that?” >i look back to see this comedy of a human being gazing out of the helo’s doors >the fuck is it… >slowly get up of my seat, grabbing the FAL from a seat >i push josé away to take a look, and there’s a fucking bird staring at us with the most tard look ever >but not any bird >it has legs, talons, claws, wings, just like a bird >it’s feathers glimpsed a dark, dark brown >but instead of being a bird, this place HAD to forsake me >it has a human head, and human torso. >It’s even wearing some fucking idiotic robes... >the light skin shining in contrast to the dark plumes >josé is just staring at the bird’s surprisingly toned body like a statue >it looks at us with intrigue, sort of wanting to know what is this that it’s seeing “dude… bro… i used to see this shit in those tablepop games” >”what the fuck is that…” “it’s a harpy you uncultured fuck” >”oh, one of those.” >notice it trying to get altitude again, so I dart back to the pilot seat, swerving the helo to look at it head on >it dives towards the helicopter, and so do I. >the bird goes over our rotors by a slim margin, almost ending in disaster >it tries to come close again, now more euphorically, at our side >i tilt the helo sideways, and hope I hit it with the downdraft >i can hear the harpy squawking as it gets blasted under the helo >but, as I think I took care of it, i hear something ramming the helicopter >looking out the window, the fucking bird grabbed the top rail of the chopper, and is holding on there >sigh >toggle auto hover, getting out of the seat and grabbing the rifle again >i ram open the side door open, and give the bird a deep stare of cold steel >”The fuck you doin’ here?” >a high pitched voice greets me, in surprising english -”Havin’ fun! What aboot you?” >the bird clutches it’s talon onto my sweet 20mm autocannon >motherfucker >”Yeah, i’m having MUUUUUUUCH fun. Now, can you please shoo away? “ -”Why? I saw your big stone bird zoopin’ around, so I thought i’d pay a visit!” >i can fucking see the opportunist eyes from that harpy just swell scanning inside >and, josé out of nowhere takes my rifle out of my hand and throws it onto one of the seats >”what the fuck?” “HeeeeeEEEEEY cutie, how ye doin’? >i can see the harpy just on the edge of losing it -”No- pff- Thing, what about ye?” “Not much, so, why are you buggin’ us?” -”I just told the o-” “or ARE YOU HERE FOR PEAK POTENTIAL?” >if josé is trying to scare away that bird, it seems he’s doing the job right -”N-no, i just wanted t-” -”to say hi, yes, hi.” “Do you know about some good landin’ spots so me and my pal right here can land on? shit got pretty heated back there.” -”Y-” >the harpy chuckles -”Ah, i can’t. You guys are cool. There’s a lake at the base of the mountain, with some pretty level ground, you guys should go there.” >why the fuck does this beast speak english >or laugh >or know directions >OR EVEN NOT GET SCARED BY THE BIG FUCKING LAWNMOWER SPINNING A FEW INCHES FROM IT’S HEAD? “Aight, thank you very much!” >the harpy just sighs, and then looks at me -”Hey, can I come with you guys? This seems cool” >”Uh, no. We are al-” “Sssssshuuuure, sweetie. All aboard!” >the harpy hops on, and uncomfortably sits onto one of the seats >not because of josé, but because the seat is just hard from all of the equipment thrown onto it >josé, seemingly, is thirsty as shit. >not even seemingly, he’s like a survivor in the sahara deserts. >get back onto my seat, not paying attention to the uncomfortable chit-chat of the two >the few glances I take to take a look at them, the harpy just looks at me with both an amazing look, and a bothered look. >the kind of look from a person in distress >i decrease the altitude, trying to look in the mountain base for that so called lake >while at it, I take a glance back, and josé is just laid in the camera seat sleeping like a tard >the harpy is just looking from the helo door, very interested in this pinnacle of human engineering >”Hey… hey. Do you know where the spot you talked about is?” -”Uh… uh, yeah, of course. it’s just… over there?” >she points at a random direction >”... you don’t know the spot, don’t you?” -”N-NO NO NO, I KNOW ABOUT THE SPOT! TRUST ME!” >i sigh >hovering around in low altitude can catch a lot of unwanted attention… >a few minutes in, the harpy gets impatient >she just goes to the cockpit, and sits on the co-pilot seat >pointing at random directions, all while she tries to comprehend all of the mess in the cockpit >fuck, i shouldn’t have brought this shit in. >it’s all because of josé… >but you gotta look for your buds, don’t you? >for some god-forsaken reason, and a streak of luck, I find a spot >a grassy elevation, totally plain, with a fucking lake on it >what the fuck >the harpy doesn't seem to notice, she is too focused onto watching the level indicator >”José, you there bud?” >i hear a few mumbles, and a crack of beer echoing through the already cramping helo “yyYEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH, what’s up?” >”Take a look on the cams, is this good?” “yeaaaAH, seems comfy enoff for a night” >i slowly bring the helicopter down, onto one of the clearings, shutting down the engines >this might be one of the biggest mistakes of my life, but whatever. >i’m too tired to deal with bull >i open the doors, and get out of the cramped helo >crack a few chemlights, and spread it around the helicopter >night is almost here, the sun is about to set >”ALRIGHT, LISTEN THE FUCK UP.” >”Who’s gonna sleep on where? We got two tents, and a few mattresses. “aAhaHEHeheheh, i wanna sleep on the biiiig tent… with that lady over ‘ere >the harpy just looks annoyed -”do I even need to say anything?” >i not >this opportunistic fuck… god, why did my guy think it was a good idea to bring a third mouth to feed… >fuck my life, this is already hell. >I set up both tents, the drunkard almost falling asleep onto the ground. >the air mattresses are set, everything to go… >oh well. >i drag the almost-asleep josé onto his matress, and close the tent off >i go into my own tent, lightly lit by a glowstick… >and I lay there, thinking about what the fuck did I sign up to >until the harpy just opens my tent -”éy, i don’t wanna stay in the helo. too cold. Can I sleep in this?” >”why don’t you sleep with josé?” -”josé’s his name… Oh, i never introduced myself” >”right now is not the time for introductions…” -”aw, come on now!” >i sigh, packing up my stuff and going to the helo -”wh- where are you going?” >”tent’s yours, enjoy.” >i close both of the doors, laying ontop the crate-packed seats and dozing off to sleep quickly >get woken up by someone ramming the door open >the cold, chilly feeling from the outside ruining completely the warm feeling inside the helicopter >”what the fuck, man?” >josé puffs up, dusting off a few bread crumbles off of his shirt “Sorry to awake you, your royal highness. It seems we have an issue of all of the equipment being stored in your sleeping area, it seems?” >”yeah, but you don’t need to ram the fucking door open… what if you break it?” “I got everythin’ handled, bro. I just need to get some fishing poles from under you.” >”fishing… poles? where the fuck did you get them from?” “You didn’t see it? it was in one of the trashbags” >the fucking trashbags seem like authentic bags of holding >”huh… alright then…” >i get up from the crates over the passenger seats, and he opens one of them >he digs around some items, and finds two small canisters >”oh, so those are the fishing poles?” “Of course, how could I hide one of those big ones?” >”in your ass?” “it’d be too big for them.” >heh >fucking retard i swear to god >josé gets off of the helo, with the poles in hand >he goes towards the lake, and a styrofoam cooler is already there >where the fuck does he get all this? >well, he already ruined my sleep, so fuck it. >i open another small crate, full of goodies that I packed >spades, repair kit for the mattresses, etc etc >i grab one of the small spades, some line, and a knife >hopping off of the helicopter, I go to check on the tents first >josé’s one is just burst open, like if someone tore it open to take a shit >mine, or rather, temporarily occupied by that lazy son of a bitch, is still closed. >shrug, and go towards the lake >josé is sitting on top of the cooler, with one of the fishing rods already being used >i sit down in a patch of grass near him, while he looks at me with that smug face “So, how’d the night go?” >”pretty good, i got some sleep for once and it was pretty warm inside, until you ruined it” “Hey, come on now! Time for fishin’ is more important than sleep” >”guess you’re right… got anything yet?” “Not even a single movement on the water. Seems that bird was lying” >”you know i brought that disgrace along just because of you, yes?” “hey, don’t call her that. She’s cool.” >”she literally took over my tent” “I would be lucky if I was in your position” >fucks sakes >”you wouldn’t. sharing a bed is something i’m not intrested in.” >”and, you do realize we’re going to have one more mouth to feed, right? we probably don’t have enough shit on the helo for-” “shhh, I got it handled. Now, if i were you, I would just sit back and relax while I fish for all three, mkay?” >for fucks sakes >i shouldn’t have brought that thing with us >while bored, trying not to disturb the idiot sitting beside me and the guest, i look up at the sky to glance at some clouds >the clouds float around, freely, in the air. Sort of like dream-like. >just, being there. Not being bothered by anything. Endlessly condemned to fly, fall, and fly again. >honestly, kind of the dream l have. >soaring the skies, without having to worry about a single thing to keep me airborne. >dancing in mesmerizing patterns, flying through eachother, it’s just… >beautiful. I didn’t see anything like this back then. >until I get tapped in the shoulder >i flinch, looking at josé beside me “don’t you go buzzing on me. I want you to witness professional fishing.” >”‘professional?’ you mean professionally shit fishing?” “Fuck you! I used to watch bear grills, bro. I know how the fuck to catch a fish” >”oooooookay mister, i want to see you catch a big one.” “Watch and learn” >he goes back to staring at his fishing rod intently, waiting for the smallest vibration >looking at the sky again, the clouds are all gone >the astounding patterns that matched works of abstract art are simply gone >they couldn’t have gone mach 5 out of here… >i better not think too much. >take a glance back at josé, as he still is completely focused on the game at hand >i look at him, ever so closely to make him uncomfortable >he still tries to focus, until he gets a bite >josé just pulls the line out of the water with a hundred horses’s worth of drunken strength >his careful planning, attention, and baiting resulted in… >a small tetra >AUHWHAWUHDAWHAHAHAHAHAH >he looks frustrated, as the small fish falls onto the grass beside him >shaking like crazy, as if a crackhead didn’t burn one in one day >”nice catch” >josé gives me the deathstare >laugh it off and get up, going towards the helicopter inb4 he shanks me >i sit onto the helicopter door’s ledge, watching the beautiful valley >trees curve ever so slightly, accommodating to the gentle breeze >the morning sun contrasting the nice chilling with a comfy warmth >it would be a really, really nice place to live on. >so much that, i’d be relaxed for once. >not having to worry about anything, no internet soxial schtatus, no politics that drive your hope in humanity to the ground… >just a nice, clean landscape… >but i wouldn’t have food. >and i don’t think we have much food with that fucking thin- > ~~my~~ tent’s zipper opens up roughly, as the harpy crawls out to stretch >what the fuck >that bitch appropriated of my blankie to wear as clothing >REALLY >”what do you think you’re doing with that?” -”With ‘that’ what?” >”my blanket” -”what’s a blank- oh, you mean this piece of rag?” >that disgraceful being tugs onto my now-bastardized blankie >god damn it, it was my favorite one! -”what’s wrong with it? I didn’t bring extra clothes” >sigh >”fine, keep it. but you’ll pay me back.” -”Oooh, paying you back?” >”yes. you are now indebted to me for one blanket.” -”but what’s a blanket?’ >for fucks sake >while the *temporary* royal highness of the helicopter crew does her morning stretches, i can’t help but take a glance at josé >and he is fucking beating the hell out of a tetra >hehehe >”What’s wrong, big guy? can’t catch food for us?” >josé proceeds to stare at me, screaming “YEAH, YOU FAT-ASS MOTHERFUCKING LAZY ! COME HERE AND Caaaatch…” >he instantly dies down when he notices the harpy looking at him, a bit stunned >uehuehueheheheueuuehehueh >he just turns around, throws the beaten carcass of a fish into the water and throws the line again >the harpy comes near the helo, sitting on the ledge -”Crazy guy, ain’t it?” >”as crazy as you’ll see around here.” >she looks at the ground for a moment, before asking -”you guys are cool, where are you all from? Never seen people dressed like this around.” >”Heh, thanks, but uh… where are we again?” -”you don’t know? We’re in the cassava lake region.” >”fucking what?” -”yeah… there are a lot of villages, towns, castles, but no real kingdom that owns these lan-” >”no, no, cassava?” -”Yeah, what’s wrong with it? >what the fuck >is this literally bootleg brazil? >good fucking christ >”why cassava? is it a fucking kingdom?” -”No? It’s literally a plant.” >oh god this is bootleg brazil >naming shit to honor fucking manioc >”Uh… nothing. Anyways, uh, we’re from a land far, far away.” -”oh, where? I want to go there one day” >”uh… I don't know either?” -”... how don’t you know?” >”Uh… me and that guy over there just were flying one day, and fell to the ground.” -”so, you crashed? How do you still have that?” >”uh, we didn’t really crash… the ground sort of like, opened up I guess?” >”so we just fell through, and appeared up there, far away.” >i point directly up with my finger, the harpy intently looking up to the dark blue sky -”wow… that’s really cool... so, what’s this?” >she lightly taps onto the sturdy spaceplane metal >”it’s a helicopter” -”what’s a helicopter” >sigh >how will i explain it to an uncultured, and fruitless, being like this? >hm… >oh wait >”it’s a magical machine, which spins some not-really-sharp blades around and flies.” -”but...how?” >”the same way you flap your- you know what, forget about it. i’ll get you a manual later if you stick with us.” -”manual? ooooh, cool.” >this bitch doesn't know what a helo means, but knows what a manual is >what the fuck >how does she even- >i’ll ask myself these questions later >need to put that harpy to use >since it’s a bird, i bet it’s good for catching fish >”So… uh…” -”yeah?” >”that guy. He's having trouble fishing.” >point to josé >”can you go help?” -”Eeeeeeeeeeh…..” >the stretches inside the helicopter -”I’m too tired to do it…” >sigh >lazy fuck >bet I can bribe her with food >”if you help him, i’ll make deep fried fish for all of us.” -”Deep-fried? what is that?” >”Just imagine, crusty fish made in oil- no, hot liquid that sears it and makes it delicious with breading.” >please fucking work >i have barely any oil and breading for fish -”I know what oil means, but…” -”I’m still tired…” >”fine, you’ll get a double portion” -”OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO” >she loses herself in a trance state >eyes looking to the ceiling of the helo, totally dilated >”but only if you catch the fish for us.” -”alrighty, you could’ve asked sooner!” >motherfucker i asked before >she quickly gets up from the floor of the helo, flying towards the lake near josé and just diving into the water >and comes with a fish shortly after >josé is dazed >guess he never saw such a display from a woman in his life, eh? >does she even count as a woman? >oh well, I need to organize all the shit in the helicopter… >i dust off some feathers left by the OH-SO HIGHNESS OF THE FLIGHT >and proceed to try and find everything that josé packed into this mess... >there’s trashbags hanging from the ceiling, under the seats… >let’s start with under the seats. >each seat in this marvel of frog engineering has storage compartments under them >generally to keep soldiers’s backpacks separate and organized in the tight space for 6 people in here >but right now? it’s only 2 >rather… 3, sadly. >i still can’t believe he brought this complete and utter- >... >better not think about it. >Anyways, José packed them so full of shit that they barely close. >I unlatch the locks, and open up the first seat ‘s compartment expecting useless shit >ooooHOHOHOHOHOHO BOY >Now, this is a goldmine! >the seat’s compartment isn’t full of beer, or even better, jerky. >it’s full of ‘magazines’. >i don’t know why he has so many ‘magazines’ >more like, photobooks full of naught. >and I thought he was a normal, balanced berson… >look at this shit! >... >good christ this is fucked. >but I can make money out of selling some… >hm, i hope he doesn't mind me ‘borrowing’ one. >i grab one out of the random assortment of booklets, and stuff it in my backpack >this will come in handy >close up the seat’s compartment >there’s a few more, but I don’t even want to look at the other ones. >one compartment full of… pictures is already weird, imagine the other slots. >I get out of the heli just to see the harpy come with her hands full of trouts, and josé disappointingly carrying his bucket full of small tetras >haha retard >”Hey, hey fishman! Did that… woman right there catch all of that for you?” “N...No! I catched it all myself! Look! >he hands me the bucket >full of tetras >”and you expect me to think you catched all of that?” “Y… actually, no.” >ha >”Oh well, i’ll go prepare the food. we’ll eat fried trout and deep-fried tetras for our visitor over here. -”visi-” “She’s one of us, bud.” >is she? >i chuckle, grinning at the harpy >”guess lack of pu-” “SHUT UP.” >get back into the helicopter, and get the tools from one of the crates I packed >a gas stove, a small frying pan and an actual pan to cook with >half a bottle of oil, and a small pack of supermarket chinesium breading >guess this will be good >sadly, it is a viable trade. >i’ll just eat deep-fried trout, the asshat of a bird will get all of the breading… >damn chinese packs selling small quantities >i turn on the stove, the electric cracking distracting the fucking bird from josé’s VERY GOOD TALKING. >thirsty ass nigga smh >it’ll be funny when he receives a no >i’ll rub the fact that that bastard stole my perfect breading… >... >why am i still ranting about the breading >i put some oil on the frying pan, and get some bowls from a fishnet rack >pour some water and some milk powder in one, the breading in the other one, and an egg to spice it all off. >douse one of the tetra in some breading, then in some milk, and then in the breading. >and then into the already hot oil >rinse and repeat >i would put some flour instead of the first breading dip, but… >i wanna save my perfect flour for myself. >oh, shit. >i almost forgot >do i need to fucking clean the fish for that thing? >i doubt it’ll even chew, but… >”Hey, bird. What’s your name, so I can stop calling you different shit everytime. -”Me? Didn’t I tell you all already?” “no.” >”no.” -”oh. It’s… Ivy i guess. “Ivy? that’s a cool name.” >”wait, josé. You didn’t even ask her her name?” “no…?” >facepalm >fucking autist >i’m starting to doubt he browses 4chan >he wants to… know the bird and he didn’t even ask her name? >he’s lucky it’s not really a human woman, because… >i don’t even wanna think about the mess that would happen. >”So… uh… Ivy I guess?” -”just ivy” >smh >”do you eat the fish in it’s entirety or not -”watchu mean?” >”DO I NEED TO INSERT A KNIFE INTO IT’S ASS AND PULL SHIT OUT?” -”Oh, that. since you offered it, yes” >why. >why do i bother >now, instead of just dipping that shit in stuff, i need to get gruesome… >good thing it’s a tetra, and i just need to squeeze it hard enough that it pops like a bubblegum. >after a gruesome while, the breaded fish are done >no breading left for my own grubby hands… >damn it. >i put all of the fried fish in the same, slimy bucket for that bird >i don’t think it even cares, it’s just fucking tasty >shove the bucket into her arms, and her eyes light up briefly but then dwindle down -”can I get a bowl?” >really >”KFC is served in buckets” -”but can i get a bowl?” >”do you even know what a bowl is” >josé is just laughing his ass off at this point -”yes?” >”alrighty.” >i grab the bucket from her hands, and grab the cooking pot hanging from the ceiling >dump it all into the pot >and give it back to her >”there. a big bowl” -”thank you very much, dear sir.” >she winks >fucking winks >why is she talking like that >... >motherfucking all josé’s fault. >a few hours pass, and everyone’s have had their food. >ended up having to eat all of the trout, since josé is a pussy and cracked to jerky he stored in one of his trashbags >god damn >even worse, the trout had no breading… >aaaaaaaaa >MY BREADING!!! >... >fuck, I better get going. >the sun is tilted, so it must be early afternoon >didn’t even take note of time, the breading-less trout was good… >the harpy laying like a drunkard in one of the back seats, while josé is buckled up in the cctv operator seat with an old can of cheap beer in his hand, both sleeping >better pack up and get off, before something gets back to bite on our ass. >i grab the FAL, hanging from the interior door, and get off to pack up >first off… my- no… hers…? i don’t know. >i go off to the nicest tent in the bootleg camp we set up, and start de-fixating the hastes stuck in the ground >then i notice i can’t fold the tent unless I empty it first >fuck, really? >i don’t want to wake both up, though… >sigh, and open up the tent’s zipper with regret >my beautifully organized blanket and pillow fort has been turned into a literal nest >inside of, basically, a nest >...fuck. >i start to untangle the mess she made with my pillows >it’s still warm… >my pillows are fucking warm. >god, i should’ve left her in the helicopter alone. >that’s what you get when you are nice to a fucking person you know nothing about… >enough rambling, i need to get this over with >get my pillows untangled, and dust them off >go back to the helo with my still-warm pillows >i put one under the harpy’s head, and under jose’s >they seemed a bit uncomfortable in the seats >josé instantly starts snoring when I put the pillow under his head >seems he really liked it, huh. >thirsty ass sob. >finish packing up the camp’s tents >the remainder of the good one was just flattening and taking the air out of the inflatable mattress >josé’s wasn’t even a mess, it was preety organized >ended up just stuffing his shit in the back of the now-crammed helo >6 people? my ass. >this baby can barely fit a gorilla and two people >maybe 6 under-fed frogmen… >fucking french >still love my baby >everything’s packed up, and ready to go >nothing has been left behind, not even oil scraps >gotta re-utilize shit bro >i start the pre-flight checks >oil pressure, the rotor blades are a-ok, battery is up too >everything is go, let’s get out of this mess >i buckle up, and put on my helmet, and almost forget something very important >i slap a pen-drive into the on-board radio, and a very nostalgic music starts playing https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=deM4ueJpMbY&ab_channel=BlocParty-Topic >fucking guitar hero. >god, i miss playing it with my cousin… >god, why did he turn out like that? >fucking cityfagging… >i need to stop rambling. >music’s good, and this is peak life. >i slap the throttle lever up, the helicopter’s engine whirring as it kicks up >eventually, the panther lifts off and gets altitude >i can see trees contorting to give place to this magnificent piece of engineering, and power >even animals look up at us dazed >heh. >time passes quickly when you’re having fun. >and oh man, i’m taking the kick out of this situation. >currently hovering over a river, not far away from the camping position >so, where do we go now? >contemplating just waking up the bird and asking… >but their snores are almost kind of comfy, in a way >... >where did the harpy even come from? >there must be somewhere nearby that we can spend this evening in >then RTB when lights are low >not to cause problems with the local ‘residents’ >... yeah i better wake that bitch up >flick on a switch, toggling the autohover mechanism >get off the seat, and move to the helo’s back, gently poking the harpy on it’s head >”c'mon, wake up. No time to sleep, cinderella.” >the harpy initially is shocked from the abrupt awakening, but grunts and gets up from the seat -”So, that’s what you’re gonna call me? cinderella? What is cinderella even?” >god damn it i forgot >she’s a zoomer >”uh… something something human culture. Nothing that you should get worried about” -”duh” >”Anyways, do you know where we could go now, to waste time?” -”Why would you even try to waste time-” >”problems with the locals, nothing to worry about.” -”...did you already cause trouble with the dwarves?” >”maybe?” -”fucking good luck, then. Do you know those mountains?” >she gets to one of the windows, and points to the two, big cliffs in the mountainside, sort of like two spears colliding >”those are mountains?” -”Ye- actually, no. I live there, along with my-” >she thinks for a second, with her eyes glinting at the surface of the helicopter -”Yeeeah, we should definitely go there and pay a visit.” >she grins to herself >”Why do you think that?” -”You guys are- no, it’s cause it’s a cool place and all.” >that opportunistic fuck is trying to hide something >but i’ll ignore it for now, we don’t have fuel forever >”Aye, we’re gonna go there, miss Ivy.” -”Am i the own-” >”no.” >she slowly walks back to her seat >I return to the pilot seat, putting the autopilot off and heading straight to that cliffside >that doesn't look like a cliffside but it maybe is >hell if i know >it’s pretty far away, so… >yeaah. >been flying for a while now >feels like 20 mins, but defo an hour >I think josé has woken up, but i can’t hear shit over the ear muffles of my headset >just feel the distinct hiss of beer cans being open >i’ve burned through a few gummy candies I brought in my pockets, and quite a bit of fuel >but i’m not worried, this thing is seemingly fuel efficient as fuck. >... >i am more worried about running out of beer for josé >imagine what that man can fucking do without beer… >god damn. >i can only start to imagine his devilish screeches saying “WHERE THE FUCK IS MY BEER” and “ANON YOU MOTHERFUCKING DRANK IT ALL YOU THIRSTY MOTHERFUCKER” >i feel slight taps in my arm >look back, the harpy standing beside me >she lifts my headset slightly off my ear >the sound of the rotors starts to annoy me again -”we’re near.” >”are we?” >look out the window >HOLY SHIT IT’S BIG >it’s like two mountains colliding >i can see small little dots getting bigger by the second >flapping around happily -”Hey, you’re gonna have to stick with me on this one.” >”why? are you thinking you’re the owner of this shit?” -”No- If two humans show up in a magical flying thing, to a harpy city, it’ll be strange.” >”harpy cities? you guys have those?” -”Well, yeah! what did you think? that we would live in villages?” >”i mean… for what i’ve seen, you guys barely know sho-” -”shut up. Anyways, I got a place where we could land, but that includes meeting my parents.” >”parents?” >oh jesus -”Do you want to go there or not?” >”fine. What’s the deal with sticking with you, anyways?” -”you’ll have to act like I captured you.” -”or, rather, took control of you. Or that fat ass back there” >I barely can hear josé saying “HEY!” >”Hey, it’s adult talk! Go back to your snooze” >muffled “fuck off cunt” >hueheuheuheuheuheu -”Anyways, what I was saying. No other species has ever come here by air. Most of the times, they had to be dragged up here, as prisoners.” -”So, for this duration, you’re my property now, yeah?” >... >”can I not agree to this?” -”no. It’s an inclusive package.” >”do you even know what a package-” -”YES.” >i raise the collective stick to my side, the helicopter gaining a bit of speed towards the city >in an afterthought, i shouldn’t have come here. >getting ‘owned’ by someone isn’t a good feel, you know… >but here I am, going to a city where someone I don't even know that long lives in. >to pass the time without some anxiety, i take out of my pocket a half-full pack of gum. >one of those you buy at a cheap, degrading bar that has minty flavors that surpass expensive shit >it’s gold, and i should’ve bought more. >i fiddle with one hand, eventually getting a single piece of gum out of the pack >i unwrap it, waiting anxiously for the nostalgic minty and cool taste >fuck. >I chew the gum, the taste relieving my senses for a few seconds >until it fades away >the anxiety and feeling of impending doom? >still here. >god have mercy. >after a few minutes, the dots now become semi-pronounced figures >as in, a bunch of probably angry harpies flying at my direction >well, great fucking idea, ivy. >i can practically feel my heart pounding out of my chest >never been good with dealing with police checkpoints, even harder bouncers. >and these bouncers? they fly. >the once-far dots get close enough for me to make out the shape of some harpies, three of them >really, really well dressed. Most of them wear what looks like sharply-tailored suits, that kind of look like civilian airplane pilots, along with some caps and… one of them has a pair of aviator glasses? >wait wait wait, there’s something wrong. >they get closer, and I notice more features on some of them >two of them have flight caps, and the more taller one, probably the self proclaimed ‘flight lead’ has the cool glasses and a lot of ribbons pinned to his suit. >woah, they look cool. >way cooler than the rag-tag band I have sitting in the back. >but, wait… how did they get that stuff? >I feel like this wasn’t there before. >”Hey, Ivy. Come take a look at this” >the harpy squeaks, quickly and happily jumping away from the seat near josé and leaning onto my seat >i point at the group of three >”Do you know what they’re wearing?” >she looks… kind of uncomfortable? >she’s just staring at them, fixated >”ivy?” >she’s just fucking locked in a trance >”ivy, this isn’t time for hot dreaming.” >no answer >”IVY!” >my shout grabs her attention, her head quickly snapping out of the trance -”Uh… no? Last time I met them they were just wearing some… rags…” >she’s losing herself again >”fucking focus. what do you think that is?” -”some very, very well-made and hot clothing. Why?” >”for fucks sakes. They’re plane pilot uniforms!” -”what’s a plane-” >fucks sakes >”Yeah, sure. They’re good clothing, but it’s human clothing. And didn’t you tell me you were astonished with my- and josé’s- clothing before?” >something snaps in her head -”oh. ooooh. That explains a lot.” >”what do you mean-” >before she can answer, i feel a thump on the side of the helicopter >i decrease the collective, looking onto one of the rear-view mirrors present >... the harpies are literally hanging onto the 20mm >MOTHERFUCKERS! >josé drunkenly opens the door of the helicopter, the lead harpy popping his head inside >instinctively try to put my hand on my sidearm, but ivy catches it -”i’ll handle it.” >whatever >she heads to the door, and i just hear a loud squeak from the lead ‘IVY! my lord, your parents were worried! What hole did you stick your fucking wings in this time?’ -”Nothing much, I just went camping. That’s all.” ‘Don’t fucking bullshit me! How does this explain these dirty penguins?’ >he looks at me with his bright eyes “Dirty? I can smell you from over here!” >josé splurts out from across the chopper, grinning at the guard lead >the guard just stares at josé for a split second after continuing ‘You’re gonna have to do much explaining when you get back, you understand? Come on, now!’ >he tries to grab ivy by the wing, and she barely dodges it >so much for handling the situation >”Hey, what do you think you’re doing?” >i look back from my seat, staring through my helmet ‘Me? Bringing a bird back to it’s rightful nest. What are you doing here?’ >”Bringing a bird back to it’s nest, and introducing myself.” >ivy is just weirdly staring at me ‘Why the fuck would a penguin want to the mayor? We already had issues with your kind over here.’ >”Mayor? No, I just want to spread my name around for business, and to meet the parents of my friend.” ‘Dumbass, she’s the *child* of the mayor, didn’t she tell you?’ >i look at ivy, who is almost plucking her feathers off >sigh >”guess not.” ‘Well, if I were you, I’d shoo away right about now. I’ll be sure to let the mayor know about a flying penguin with a loud flying… house.’ >“C’mon now. I keep the daughter of the mayor safe for a day, bring her back and waste fuel for nothin? I was planning to have a good day today, but well…” >the guard sighs ‘I may be able to make an exception for you, I guess. Just hold out here while I talk to the mayor, okay?’ >”Ha, thanks. Be sure to compliment the mayor with good uniforms for their guards” >he looks a bit awkward after that ‘Y’know, coincidentally, yesterday something crashed into the city with a bunch of penguins inside. You COULD give us a hand knowing what the fuck was it, and it’ll make your life easier.’ >”Sure, I guess. I’ll be here” >The harpy looks towards ivy ‘Come on now, we gotta go.’ >she pops her head out from between her wings -”I’d rather spend a bit more time with my friends, than going with you.” >oof >harpy guard looks even more flustered now ‘Fine. I’ll be back.’ >he fucks off of the helicopter, and from resting onto my 20mm, and does some cool signs to the other guards and starts flying back to the city >”Hey, josé. Please close the door. >he unwillingly gets off of his seat, and closes the helicopter door >”What were you even planning on convincing that guy with, ivy?” -”I.. I-” >she just tucks her head in between her wings again >sigh >... >the fuck am i getting into? >We wait there, hovering a few kilometers away from the city. >it feels like it’s been an eternity, but around five minutes have passed >inside of the helicopter, there’s silence. José is staring at the cctv, the harpy is just on her seat frowning at the ground. >the guards have long disappeared inside of the city >decide to break the eerie silence inside of the heli >”Hey, José. Can you see those bastards with that camera of yours?” >without looking back, i can hear josé slamming down his can of beer onto the table and grabbing onto the camera joystick “I’ll try. No certainties, the government got really ripped off with this camera.” >”And we didn’t. It was free!” >there’s a brief moment of silence inside “you paid your taxes didn’t you?” >oh shit >”...” >i move myself on the pilot seat, looking at the back of the helicopter >josé just deathstares me, while the harpy’s frown turned into a grin. >"Let's say… they never asked.” >... “YOU FUCKING CUNT! YOU NEVER TOLD ME!” >”WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU BE INTRESTED IN MY TAXES?” “BECAUSE I DIDN’T WANT TO PAY THEM TOO!” >the harpy is chuckling at this point >”Fine. We can sit down later, and I'll tell you all of the secrets.” “IT’S GONNA BE USELESS YOU FUCKING RETARD” >a few more minutes pass, with Ivy just wheezing >”What is funny about that?” >the wheezing just increases -”I- pfft, I didn’t fucking… expect my friends to be a bunch of fucking tax evaders!” >”How the fuck do you think I bought my ATV?” -”the… fuck’s an ATV?” >”... the thing you’re literally sitting beside.” -”This?” >she starts lightly punching the soft seats of the quad >”Yes. Now, if you may, PLEASE DON’T DO THAT. IT’S NOT MEMORY FOAM.” -”oh… okay.” >she backs her hand off, the seat having small dents on them >i had to save up on the seats, okay? I bought it third-hand. >or fourth-hand, I don’t know anymore. >turn my attention back to josé >”Found anything yet, beer drain?” “Nope. I got some glances of the fancy uniforms, but they disappeared into a mass of birds, Although I found what they were referring as ‘Something penguins crashed’ As you would expect, it’s a plane. But not any plane, it’s one of those old soviet passenger jets that the fucking chinks used.” >”How did one of those get in here?” “How did WE get in here?” >”Well, we stole it… oh, you don’t mean that.” “Yeah, dumbass. You don’t know how we got here also.” >”I hope they return soon enough, because this is bori-” >i get interrupted mid-sentence by a couple of beeps >look at the instrument panel, the fuel being in 50% >shiiiiet >in planes, 50% fuel isn’t a bad thing. But in a helicopter, where you have a couple of hours and no way to glide back to base… things get interesting. >i probably only have one to two hours of fuel left, and home is really far away. >know what? Fuck the guards, we’re going in anyways. >”Well, I have an important announcement. We’ll be going in, fuel is running a little bit low.” >tilt the helicopter slightly forwards, picking up speed rapidly >if I wasn’t a felon before, this will probably be it. >the helicopter lets go of it’s steady hover, quickly picking up speed towards the towering city >ivy, worried, speaks up “Wouldn’t it be a better idea to just wait for them?” >”Maybe, but I'm not going to waste fuel because of some lazy ass birds.” "What is fuel?” >damn fucking parakeet >”Imagine bones, but putrefied for millions of years, that’s oil. Oil is then refined into highly combustible… liquid. That 's fuel.” “Why bones, and not other… fluids?” >i swear >”I-It’s not only bones. It’s mortal remains of things that were alive millions of years ago.” “But… still why oil or fuel, whatever?” >”Because we drill them out of the ground, and don’t need to convince our population to donate their… uh… You get it.” >God help me, my poor life decisions are finally biting me back. >I unwrap the second piece of gum, trying to make this slightly more enjoyable >hmm, it’s watermelon flavor. >why did I buy this and not mint… “Hey sérgio, I found something on the cams.” >sergio >fucking cunt >”What is it?” “Take a look yourself.” >”cunt, I can’t let go of the stick-” “It’s a fucking plane. Crashed right in the middle of that Babylon tower lookalike, like he talked. It’s still somewhat smoking.” >”can you identify it?” “Trying right now, but remember I always skipped flight sim sundays” >”what about the birds? Any sign of them coming back?” “Nothing on the cams, let’s just keep going.”