>Be me
>Scout Anon
>Finally out of Army
>No more Green Weenie
>Finally have all the time in the world for Innawoods
>Fixing to do some early winter camping
>Laid out my gear and packed up my ruck last night
>Planning a week long excursion
>Boots, check
>Couple spare changes of clothes, check
>Surplus Czech parka with /k/ube patch on the shoulder, check
>Jetboil and two fuel cannisters, check
>Hella ramen and Vienna sausages, check
>Sleep system, check
>Hammock, check
>Water filter, check
>Knife, check
>Galil, check
>HiPower, check
>Plate Carrier and battle belt
>Couple spare magazines for the HiPower
>Plenty of extra ammunition for both
>NODS, check
>Financial irresponsibility, check
>Spare batteries, check
>Solar charger, check
>Speaker and IPod loaded with Eurobeat, check
>My old Cavalry Stetson, complete with a Selous Scouts pin on the back, check
>Don't you judge me, dick
>All this other junk, check
>Packed up tight in my old ALICE pack
>Camo rifle clothe tape wrapped around the frame
>Got some /k/ meme shit written in the hidden spots
>Got my gear loaded into my shitbox truck
>Decide last minute to bring along my PPS-43 for shits and giggles
>Built it in 9mm so I don't have to spend extra on 7.62×25
>Grab a couple extra boxes of ammo and magazines for it
>Two hour drive to my usual camping spot
>Woods, mountains, rivers, the works
>Stop for gas, last minute snacks, and one final shit on an actual toilet at the last town I go through
>Some folks give me weird looks as I pick up some Poggie Bait. 
>Zebra Cakes, couple bags of mini chocolate donuts, the works. 
>Maybe because I'm wearing a pair of Rhodesian brushstroke pants and a pair of combat boots
>Pay for my shit and leave
>Throw the shit on the passenger side floor
>"Excuse me, sir," a voice comes from behind me
>I turn around and make eye contact with one of the Sheriff's deputies
>"How can I help you," I ask.
>"You fixing to do some camping?"
>"Yes sir, gonna be out on the mountain for about a week. There a problem?"
>The deputy sighs. "Well, there's been some folks talking about hearing some weird noises while they were out during deer season, and we've had one or two people go missing out there. We think it's a bear, or a pack of wolves, but nobody has seen anything. I just want to be sure you'll be able to handle yourself out there, because you're a grown man, and you look like the type that'll go with or without permission." The deputy explains. 
>I chuckle when he gets to the "handle yourself" part.
>"I'm sorry to hear that there's some people missing, I'll keep an eye out for them while I'm up there. I'm going up fairly heavily armed, and I've done my fair share of camping in less than safe conditions the past few years."
>"How heavily armed, exactly, Mr...?"
>"Anon, Mr. Anon. And if you'd like to take a look, I've got them in a case in the bed."
>The deputy motions to the bed of the truck and I go to unlock the cap and open the tailgate
>Unlock the case and let the deputy open it
>"Whoa now," the deputy says quietly as he stares at the weapons
>"A Galil in 5.56, a Soviet PPS-43 with a suppressor, and I've got a Browning HiPower on me. And I've got the paperwork for the PPS-43 and suppressor in the case too."
>"I'd let it slide this time even if ya didn't have the tax stamps, since you've got some mighty fine taste, son."
>He closes the case and steps back as I lock everything back up
>"You got a good radio?" He asks.
>"Yessir," I reply.
>"If anything happens, we're on this frequency," he says, handing me a piece of paper with some numbers scribbled on it.
>I pocket the paper and he tips his hat
>"You stay safe, sir," he says before turning and going about his day.
>"You too."
>I climb back into my truck and glance at my gear
>A Crye Precision JPC 2.0 with a hentai patch on the chest, a zip on assaulter panel, and a Spiritus rig on the front
>Some chemlights in the webbing on the left side of the cummerbund, and an IFAK next to those
>NODS pouch on the right side, holding a pair of DTNVG with white phosphor tubes and a mission recorder on one side
>The bump helmet for them is in the ALICE pack
>The T-Rex Arms Orion 4.0 with a PRL on the back, a pair of mag pouches for my HiPower towards the front left, a pair of mag pouches for the PPS-43 behind the pistol mags, and my kurki hanging behind them
>Rhodesian brushstroke kydex holster on the right side
>If anything comes up on me, it'll get put down
>Make a mental note to hang my hammock extra high, just in case
>Arrive at my usual spot
>Get my gear out and lock up the truck
>Threw a tarp over the rifle case to keep it out of site
>Kit up and double check my shit
>HiPower now in its holster on my battle belt
>PPS-43 strapped to the side of my ruck, in a pocket I made for it
>Galil slung around my neck with the stock folded
>Threw the snacks in the ruck too
>Step off
>Walking for about an hour, checking my GPS and map regularly
>Not seeing as many small animals as I usually do, but the crows and ravens are still singing so whatever
>They must be hibernating
>Get to my normal spot and find one of the trees I usually use for my hammock is now resting on the ground
>Decide to find a new spot
>Keep walking
>Another hour goes by and I find a good spot
>Relatively flat, two strong looking trees to hang between, and a few good size rocks for a fire pit
>Clean up the area a bit and collect some fallen branches
>Set out some snares for some food too
>Get a fire going and hang my hammock
>Cook up some ramen noodles in my camp pot
>Sit in my camp chair and enjoy the warmth of the fire and my ramen as the sun sets
>Eventually I dig the climbing rope out of my ruck and hoist it up on a branch
>Climb up into my hammock for the night

>Awake to a screech in the middle of the night
>Pull out my NODS and scan around with them
>See something small running through the brush but it disappears 
>Stow NODS and drift back to sleep, clutching my Galil
>Finally the morning sun wakes me back up
>My camp is unmolested, but something feels a bit off
>Like I'm being watched
>Go to check my snares
>Find one with blood around it
>Like something tore my catch apart and made off with it
>Bobcat maybe?
>Another snare has some shreds of cloth in it
>Person maybe?
>The final snare was pulled loose from its anchor and cut clean through the wire
>Could also be a person, but why would someone be wandering around this far out in the middle of the night?
>And these snares weren't really big enough to actually catch a person
>Maybe a child
>Get back to camp and pull out my radio
>Go to the frequency the Deputy gave me
>"Hey uh, Sheriff's Deputies on this freq?"
>A couple of seconds of static
>"Yep, that's us, you the feller that went up the mountain yesterday?"
>"That's me," I tell them about the snares and the screech at night.
>"Other folks have been hearing it too, when they've been up there. Might be a mountain lion, but I ain't too sure about the rags in your snare."
>"Alright, well I'll call you up with anything else weird that happens."
>"I'll be listening for the gunshots. You stay safe up there."
>Okay then
>Pack my camp back up into my ruck and do a patrol around the area
>Don't want anything stealing my Zebra Cakes while I'm gone
>Find some disturbed snow in the direction whatever it was ran last night. 
>The trail disappears, but I follow the general direction
>Find a cavern nestled between some rocks
>We cave explorers now
>Now, I'm sure you're wondering right about now
>'Anon, there's something dangerous out there, why would you climb into the deep dark hole in the ground?'
>Well, you see, dear reader, I'm mostly white. And the white college aged characters in horror movies always do stupid shit. Like go into the garage without turning the light on, or even pulling out their phones for some light.
>Besides, we've had enough build up and prologue. Time for the good shit.
>Dig my climbing rope back out again
>Anchor it to a nearby tree
>Crack a chemlight and drop it into the hole
>It falls for about three or four seconds, before shimmering and disappearing
>That's weird
>I must know what happened to it
>One must suffer in the pursuit of science
>Get myself prepped for the repel
>I hope I did this right
>My unit wouldn't send my to BMMC
>I practice the brake movement up top before going in
>I dawn my ruck and walk to the edge
>Wait a second
>Walk away from edge, drop ruck, swap Galil for PPS-43
>Put on my Peltors
>Get my headlamp out and turn it on
>Return to edge
>Lean back
>Begin my descent
>Fuck this is hard with a ruck on
>The return trip is gonna suck dick
>Why am I falling?
>Thump on the ground
>Yell some expletives in a couple of languages
>Assess myself
>Nothing feels broken
>Rope is still hanging above me
>Follow rope up and it just disappears about eight feet up the wall
>Then I lose sight of it, even with the headlamp
>In its place is a shimmering area suspended by nothing
>I have no idea what the fuck I'm looking at, but it's kinda giving me a headache
>Or maybe that was just because of the fall
>Look around the cavern
>It continues in two directions, and there's a crude ladder leaning against the wall opposite my rope
>My chemlight is on the ground though
>I doubt my radio would push through all this rock, so I won't even bother with it
>I pull out my bump helmet and attach my NODS
>BravoSixGoingDark.mp4
>Guess I'll go left
>Wander down the cave with the PPS-43 at the low ready, buttstock folded
>After about 5 minutes, start to smell something rotting
>Slow down my pace to minimize the sound of my ruck and gear
>See a small light in the distance
>The starts to get wider, and then more narrow
>The light is coming in from a hole at the floor, the opening coming up to about waist height
>I drop my ruck and push it through the hole
>Its a tight squeeze, but it manages
>And then falls and disappears from sight
>I take off my bump helmet and poke my head through
>The snow is deeper here, much deeper than it should have been, but there are trees around and the sun is shining
>Snow is about waist deep, judging by how far the ruck sunk into it
>Ahhh, just like Wainwright
>Fuck that place.
>Put the NODS in their pouch on my plate carrier and grab the helmet as I slide through the hole
>Try not to land on my ruck
>Pick my ruck up and glance at my GPS
>Well that's new
>It doesn't know where I am
>Pull out map
>None of this topography matches
>Very pissed because I'm fuckin good at Land Nav
>Always found all of my points
>Welp, I should probably try to find civilization
>Walk for about a half hour 
>Only took so long because of the snow
>I step into a clearing
>There's a small village on the other side of the clearing
>Buildings made of stone
>See several figures wandering the village, wearing heavy robes that look like they're made of fur
>Crouch behind a tree and pull my binoculars out of my ruck
>Eleven smaller buildings, one two story building, a long building, and a two story tower on the side of the village closest to me
>Look through the windows of the tower
>Two people wearing some kind of armor, reading books
>Guards slacking off
>I should be able to sneak into the village without them raising the alarm, but it would probably start a panic anyway since my skin isn't red like theirs
>N-nani!?
>Why is their skin red?
>Zoom the best I can on the two guards
>Red skin, small horns protruding from their heads
>Not sure if I want to head into that village
>Maybe find a nice white skinned village?
>Buuut this snow is kind of cold and I have no idea where I am
>So I guess this will have to do
>Maybe I should signal to the guards so they aren't shocked when I get there
>On one hand, I wouldn't want someone sneaking past me if I was on guard duty
>On the other hand, it was my job to be sneaky for quite a few years
>ScoutsOut.mp3
>Melt back into the tree line and skirt around to the other side of the clearing
>Drop my ruck and swap the PPS-43 back out for the Galil
>Also finally stow my helmet
>Not sure why I've been hand carrying this thing this whole time
>Kinda scatter some snow over it and place fallen pine boughs over it
>Finally enter the clearing, and walk towards what looks like a market
>Red skinned people carrying baskets full of I assume food
>About twenty meters from the village, a child notices me and points his mother to me with a finger
>She scoops the child up, grabs her basket and hurries back to their hut
>Others notice me and yell for guards
>Neat, they speak English
>I stop walking and wait for the guards to show up
>More of the red skins in armor show up and form a semi circle around me
>Armed with a variation of swords, spears, and a pair in the back with bows
>They slowly step towards me, hands on their weapons, but not drawn
>About ten meters from me, one in better armor than the rest speaks up
>"Who are you? Where did you come from? How did you find us?"
>Well hello to you too, Mr. Fancy pants
>"Uuuh, I'm Anon, I came out of that mountain over there, and I was just walking around."
>Suddenly an older red skin pushes through and yells at them to calm down
>He turns to me and apologizes for them
>Okay
>He tells me to follow him into the long building to warm up
>"Give me a couple of minutes, I need to grab my pack."

>I slide my pack off next to a chair at a large table, across from the old guy
>I place my Galil on the table and unzip my parka
>"The guards say you came out of the mountain to the east, but what were you doing in those wretched caves?" He inquires while a female red skin places a plate of some sort of beef in front of me.
>"Excuse me, where are my manners? I am Henriks, the elder of this village. And you are?"
>"I'm Anon, and yes, I came out of a cave out there, but I'm not quite sure where I am."
>"Well, we're quite a ways north, away from the prejudice eyes of elves, and the other races."
>"What I meant was that none of this makes sense to me. I climb down into a ravine on one side, and I crawled out a cave on this side, and now my maps are wrong."
>I pull my map from my ruck and unfold it on the table for Henriks to see, pushing the plate out of the way
>He leans over the map and studies it for a moment
>"United States of America? There's no such land, that I've ever heard of."
>"And I've never heard of people with red skin and horns, yet here we are."
>"Never heard of Tieflings? I suppose it makes sense that the other races would pretend we don't exist. They say we're the spawn of demons and such. But that doesn't explain your map."
>He has me tell him my tale as I eat
>He asks about my weapon and my gear
>"While there are still more questions than answers, it is good that you didn't run into any of the goblins that reside within the caves."
>"Goblins?"
>"Oh yes, about two months ago, we started being attacked by goblins. We've managed to hold them off so far, but each time, they return with greater numbers."
>He tells me all I know about goblins, and other dangers that lurk in the dark
>"You look like a capable young fellow, and since we don't know of a way for you to return to your world, I'd like to offer you a job."
>"What kind of job?"
>"You help my soldiers defend the village from the green bastards, and you'll be paid as such."
>Well, I don't really have anything else to do besides die a slow agonizing death in the woods, so why not?
>Henriks takes me to the tower
>From here it kind of looks like one of the old Minecraft villager churches
>Inside are rows of beds with a box at the foot of each one, a decent sized fire place, and a few desks
>A few Tiefling soldiers are sitting around playing some sort of card game
>One notices Henriks and calls "Attennntion"
>"As you were, soldier. This is Anon, I've offered him a position here, so he'll be helping fend off the goblins while he gets his bearings. Don't cause any trouble."
>The soldier with the nicer armor approaches me and offers his hand.
>I shake his hand and he tries to put the squeeze on me
>It only hurts a lot, but I don't show it
>"We don't have any extra armor sitting around, so you'll have to do without, Anon."
>Ah, I see where this is going
>Fuck, I'm a boot again
>He finally releases his vice grip and points at the stairs leading to the second floor
>"It's your shift, Anon," he says with a smirk
>I roll my eyes and head up the stairs, ruck still on my back
>The two on watch look at me, startled
>"Henriks hired me. I have next shift."
>"Oh, sounds good," one of them says before leaving
>"By the way, you guys probably should be paying attention when you're up here. I was over at the edge of the treeline when I spotted you guys up here reading."
>The Tiefling somehow turns a deeper shade of red
>"Don't worry, I didn't rat you guys out for it."
>He relaxes in his chair and looks out the window
>"So where did you come from?" He asks
>Here we go again
>I finish my story for a second time, and he was hanging on every word
>"So, Henriks says the goblins are getting pretty nasty lately."
>"Goblins have always been nasty, Anon. It's just been getting worse. They're after everything here. Treasures, food, weapons... Women and children."
>"They've taken a few from my side, as well. Fortunately their cave is deeper into the woods and away from people on my side, so it isn't as bad."
>"I don't know how that whole portal business works, but all we can do here is fend them off and hope they don't get too strong."
>"Have you asked other villagers for help?"
>"We can't. Nobody will spare any soldiers to help out a village of Tieflings."
>"Right, I heard about that."
>"Have you tried taking the fight to them?" I ask
>"We don't know the tunnels, or even where the tunnels are. If we sent anybody, they might end up just walking right past them and get attacked from behind, or come back to a burning home."
>"So you guys just watch and wait then?"
>"That's all we can do, I guess."
>"Does this snow ever clear up?"
>"It'll be gone in a few months. The summers are beautiful."
>"I bet." 
>A few hours later, the sun is setting, and I pull my helmet back out of my ruck and attach my NODS
>"What's that?"
>"A little piece of technology from my world. It lets me see in the dark."
>I flip the NODS down and adjust the lenses to the treeline
>He lights a lamp and the flame reflects off the glass and obscures my vision
>"Put out that light," I say, "it's clouding them up."
>"How do they work?"
>I give him a brief explanation but it's clear he doesn't quite understand
>He tried to ask another question but I shush him
>Suddenly the door swings open and who I assume is the captain, since he didn't give me his name while he tried to crush my hand, loudly demands to know why the lights are off, and accuses me of sleeping on the job
>He grabs my shoulder to turn me
>I draw my HiPower and press it to his throat and cock the hammer back
>"Hear that? That's the sound of my Browning HiPower pointed directly at your throat. If I pull the trigger, the sound alone will blow out your ear drums. But the main course is a metal ball sent through your neck and out the other side faster than you can blink or scream. Touch me again, and it will be the last thing you do. You are in charge of your soldiers, but I'm a mercenary who works directly for Henriks, understand?"
>I pull the pistol away, lowering the hammer and holstering it.
>"The light is out because I don't need it to be on to see in the dark."
>"Impossible! Humans can't see in the dark."
>"What we're going to do, is keep the light off, so the goblins think we're slacking off, so I can get a feel for their numbers, and see about solving this problem sooner rather than your plan of waiting for them to overrun your village."
>"And why the hell do you care, mercenary?"
>"Because I have a feeling that my debit card is useless here."
>"Your what?"
>"Don't worry about it," I say, turning the brightness up on my NODS
>He tells the Tiefling with me to go to sleep, and that he'll be taking over with me
>"Keep your gear ready, and tell the others to do the same. Have somebody make sure all of the houses are locked up."

>Another hour passes in silence as the captain of the guard drifts in and out of sleep while I watch the woodline
>A few low branches start to move 
>Something is coming
>I kick the captains foot
>"The hell is it, mercenary?"
>"They're coming," I respond calmly.
>His eyes widen and I rack a round into the chamber of my Galil
>"Tell your archers to get up here and point out targets for the others while they shoot."
>"How dare you think you can tell me how to use my men? You said it yourself earlier, you don't work with us, yo-"
>"I'm counting forty-six goblins right now, do you want to keep bickering?"
>I take my helmet off and put on my Peltors, turning them on
>Put the helmet back on and head downstairs
>"Wake the fuck up, gentlemen, we've got about fifty goblins heading our way so far, I want you two archers up there, call out where they are for us on the ground! Everybody else, get ready for a fight!"
>I walk outside, leaving the door open while the Tiefling guards frantically put their armor on
>I walk around to the side of the building that faces the field and scan again
>A dozen more than before, but the deep snow makes it hard for them to advance
>They're all wrapped in furs and carrying spears and short swords
>A few wearing skulls as helmets
>I take aim on the one at the front of the pack
>Inhale, exhale, squeeze, release, repeat
>I pick off a dozen before the Tieflings get into position, the archers firing arrows but struggling to hit many of their targets
>I have to wait until they pop their heads up to climb through the snow before I can fire
>The Tieflings stand in awe of my raifu
>some of them are covering their ears 
>I stop firing and yell at them
>"SPREAD OUT, FORM A LINE AND KILL ANY THAT GET CLOSE!"
>I start shooting again
>Reloading when I have to, but the goblins haven't seemed to figure out what's happening
>I'd bet they can't even see with the snow being so deep
>Might not even be able to hear with how fierce the wind is and how wrapped up their heads are
>They keep getting closer, now the archers seem to be able to hit their targets easier, but the wind is still putting them off target to the left a bit
>I reload again, but the goblins seem to have figured it out
>The ones further behind stumbled through the snow and found their dead friends bodies
>They start to retreat
>The Tieflings start to cheer
>Oh no you bastards don't
>I sprint through the snow after the goblins
>Firing upon them as they flee
>Some of them try to make a final stand
>They fail
>I follow them back to their cave
>They scramble over the icy rocks, hoping to escape me in the dark twists and turns of their layer
>I don't follow them into the cave
>Instead I return to the village, being sure to stomp out a good trail
>I tie 550 cord around the feet of the goblins and drag them behind me
>They don't weigh a lot, but a dozen add up
>I cut the cord twenty-five meters in from the tree line
>I drag as many of the dead goblins from the cave as I can to the pile
>Loot their weapons and jewelry
>Some of them had gold and silver earrings, a few had chains around their necks
>Many of them had nothing
>Their weapons were rusty, but they'll clean up alright
>Return my loot to the guard tower
>Take a lantern out to the pile and spill the fuel out onto the bodies
>Pull out a cigarette and light it on the same flame I use to set the bonfire alight
>Henriks walks up behind me with one of his men
>"Very impressive, Anon. I think this village is in safe hands with you. But their numbers are troubling. How many did you count?"
>"78, with more that got away to their cave."
>"Then you know where they hide?"
>"All we need is a plan to take the fight to them."
>"I doubt they'll attack twice in the same night, especially after losing so many, Anon. When's the last time you slept?"
>We return to the guard tower and my rucksack has been spilled out on an empty bunk
>"Don't leave your gear sitting around, Anon, we have a standard to maintain around here," the captain says to me, without looking at me.
>I grip my Galil, take a breath, and clear the weapon
>The round in the chamber flying out onto the floor
>A Tiefling picks up the round and inspects it
>"What is this?"
>Yay, more class time
>Explain ballistics and how firearms work to them
>Again, it's clear that they don't quite understand them
>But the one understands it more than he did my NODS explanation
>I doubt we'd be able to get ahold of anymore to arm them with
>And I'm not sharing mine
>Pack my gear back into my rucksack
>Put a few things into the box at the foot of the bed
>Spare clothes, my plate carrier, PPS-43, snacks
>"Hey, merc, a couple of us are going for some drinks, my treat, want to tag along?"
>"Sure, but tomorrow you're trying some of my drink."
>His eyes widen, "You brought alcohol from your world?"
>"I never travel without it," I say with a grin.
>We head back over to the long building, but enter through a different door.
>A long fire place has just been lit, and is working on warming the room
>There are tables around it, with four chairs at each one
>A bar along the short wall, with a few barrels and bottles behind it
>We sit at the bar and a female Teifling comes out from what I assume is the kitchen
>We lock eyes and she blushes a bit
>Like all Tieflings, she has red skin and some horns protruding from her head, and a tail swaying behind her
>Her long black hair is braided around her head, making the horns almost look like a crown
>She's about five foot six, with a well endowed slender figure
>"Will you three be drinking the usual?"
>"You know it, Tiff!"
>Tiff the Tiefling
>Seriously?
>Whatever
>She turns to me
>"And what would you like, mercenary?"
>Is it hot in here, or is it just me?
>Oh, I can still see my breath, it's just me
>"What do you drink?"
>Nailed it
>"Are you offering?" She asks, leaning towards me with a smirk on her face
>Her dress is kinda low cut for how cold it is
>"He'll have the same thing as us, Tiff," one of the guards announces
>"Alright, four home brews coming right up!"
>She turns to one of the barrels and starts filling a few glasses
>She places our glasses in front of us and we start to drink
>It's kind of sweet, and has a decent after taste
>Also weaker than the vodka and homemade peach brandy I brought
>Thank the /k/ube the bottles didn't break when I fell through the portal
>"So, how's this compare to the booze you're used to, merc?" 
>"The store bought stuff, or the stuff I brew myself? Because I brought a bottle of both with me."
>"Oh, you think your swill can beat my booze, huh?" Tiff inquires
>"Well, I feel that the difference is probably in the ingredients. How about I bring a bottle over tomorrow night and we compare?"
>"Why not bring a bottle over tonight, and we can decide?" She says, putting an elbow on the bar and winking at me.
>I look at the others and they just stare back
>I look back at Tiff
>"I'll be right back then."
>I practically sprint back to the guard tower and grab the bottle of vodka
>Much more careful on the return trip, lest I lose my precious cargo
>Place the bottle on the bar
>"Use the little glasses for this, and try not to spit it out when you drink it," I say
>Tiff sets out five shot glasses, and carefully pours the vodka into each one, and then puts them in front of us
>The others sniff their glasses, grimacing at the smell
>"Trust me, it's great once it's down."
>I throw mine back and put the glass down
>The others copy me
>One spits his out
>Tiff takes her shot and shudders
>"Shit, Anon, what is that stuff?"
>"This, my friends, is vodka. Made from potatoes. Some people will cut fruit with it to get a better taste, but I prefer it plain. Plus plain is cheaper."
>"Well, it's definitely stronger than mine," Tiff says.
>"Yeah, if we had this here, none of us would ever be ready for the goblins," one of them says with a chuckle
>"Here pretty soon they won't be much of a problem anymore," I announce boldly, the alcohol kicking in.
>"This isn't my homemade stuff, though. I'll bring my drink out after the goblins are dealt with. To celebrate."
>"Well then you'd better fucking make it," one of them says, trying to stand.
>"Whoa now, sit back down, buddy. Tiff, can we get some bread for him, please?"
>"Sure thing," she says with a laugh, heading back into the kitchen
>"Anon, I think she's into you, man!" One says as quietly as he can, "did you see her blush?"
>"Maybe it's because she wasn't expecting to see a human in her bar?" I reply
>"Nah man, it*hick*'s not that," he finishes his sentence as Tiff returns with half a loaf of bread
>"It's a bit stale, but it'll do."
>"Thank you, Tiff," I say with a smile
>She blushes a bit again
>"They're already more drunk than they usually get," Tiff whispers to me
>"Just wait until I break out my homebrew," I whisper back with a wink
>Tiff pours up another round and the soldiers take them much easier this time
>"Anon, I think I'm out for the night," one says as he tries to stand, falling onto the floor
>"We'll take him back to bed, Anon, you've earned a few more drinks," he says with a wink
>What's with all the winking around here?
>Must be a Tiefling thing
>"How about another round of your booze?" I say to Tiff, as she takes another shot of my vodka
>"What, you don't like to share?" She says with a pouty look
>"Yours tastes better," I answer
>"Alright, fine."
>Three or four drinks later, I'm feeling pretty damn good
>Tiff was feeling pretty damn good three or four drinks ago
>She was looking pretty damn good before the drinking started
>While we drink she asks me about my world, my gear, my weapons, and just about everything under the sun
>I ask her similar questions, but the answers are pretty short, since she's lived in a small isolated village away from other races her whole life
>Sounds like half the people from my home town, except there isn't any meth here
>Eventually we both decide we've had enough
>She needs to support herself on the bar so she doesn't fall over
>I support her with my shoulder and walk her out the door, turning so she can lock the bar up
>"Which one's yours?"
>She guides me to her house and unlocks the door
>I take her inside and sit her down on the bed
>I get the fireplace going and put some logs on to keep her warm
>I turn around and she's still sitting on the bed
>Except now she's naked
>"Well," she asks, "what do you think of my place?"
>"It's pretty cozy. I'd been thinking about building something like this in my world."
>She giggles and waves me over
>My zipper is scraping me to death
>I take my parka off and set it on her table
>Unbuckle my battle belt and set it on the floor
>She reaches up and pulls me down to kiss me
>I put a hand on her breasts
>She rubs my member through my pants and tries to figure out my belt
>I move my hands to help her 
>She manages the zipper just fine and I wiggle the pants down to my ankles
>She tugs at my shirt so I pull it off
>I pull away from the kiss and untie my boots, kicking them off and stepping out of my pants
>I climb onto the bed over her
>Kiss her again, our tongues chasing each other around our mouths
>I run my hands up and down her crimson body, her hard nipples a few shades darker than the surrounding skin
>She rubs my member and I slide a finger into her, massaging her g spot with my middle finger and her clit with my thumb
>She's soaking a spot onto her blanket
>I feel that I'm at my limit and pull away from her hand
>I kiss my way down her body until I reach her womanhood, attacking her with my tongue
>She tastes sweet and smokey at the same time
>She moans and her breath hitches and she arches her back, pushing herself against my face
>She runs her fingers through my hair
>After a few seconds of her breathing hard, she lowers herself 
>"A-anon, come here," she manages to let out
>I climb back up over her and kiss her again, massaging her breasts with one hand and holding myself up with the other
>She reaches down and lines me up
>I slide myself in slowly, about halfway down my shaft
>She spasms again, my member now thoroughly soaked, despite not even being completely inside yet
>I slowly start to thrust, easing myself deeper into her
>She spasms every couple of thrusts, and the wet spot on the bed keeps on growing
>She wraps her legs around me, pulling me deeper
>I kiss my way from her mouth, to her jaw, to her neck
>After a few minutes, I'm at my limit again
>As if on que, Tiff manages to speak
>"I-it's oka-ay A-anon, g-give it t-to me!"
>I kiss her on the mouth again
>She struggles to kiss back as she moans
>I feel my sack tighten and push myself as deep as I can
>She practically screams as she is taken by ecstasy
>I keep thrusting after I'm finished until I'm soft again 
>She's still breathing hard for a while
>I grab my cigarettes and lighter from my pants
>"W-what's that, A-anon?"
>I light it up and take a drag
>I offer it to her and she takes a small puff
>Then she coughs a bit and takes a deeper drag
>She passes it back and exhales as she lowers her head onto my chest
>"Thanks, Anon, that was fun"
>I can feel the heat off of her blush on my chest
>"It was my pleasure, Tiff."
>"Do you think you can teach me how to use those weapons some time?" She asks
>By the /k/ube, you have no idea how long I've waited for a woman to ask me that
>"I'd love to, Tiff."
>I can feel her mouth curl into a smile
>I finish my cigarette and flick it across the room into the fireplace
>We drift off into a comfortable sleep

>We awake with hangovers
>I sit up as gently as I can so I don't wake her
>I gather up my belongings and get dressed
>Leave a note on the table that I'll be by the bar for lunch
>Head to the guard tower
>Get through the door
>Get punched in the jaw by the captain
>Wow, even if this dickweed ever tells me his name, I'm definitely not going to remember it
>Seriously, fuck this guy
>"Where the fuck have you been, merc? The day started hours ago!"
>Stand back up and smirk
>"Wouldn't you like to know?"
>Before he can say anything else, I answer
>"I'm not one of your men, I'm a mercenary tasked with eliminating the goblins. I don't need to wake when you wake, I don't need to train when you train. I do as I please, and I get paid to kill goblins. Anything extra is a courtesy. Now, out of my way."
>I push past him and glance at my bunk, everything as I left it last night
>Shit, I left my vodka at the bar
>Whatever
>I grab my binoculars and head upstairs
>"Anon, you're alive!"
>"Why wouldn't I be?"
>"Because the boss has proposed to Tiff at least three or four times!"
>Ooooooh, I'm the asshole here, got it
>OhYeahItsAllComingTogether.jpeg
>Scan the tree line with the binos
>Nothing new
>Just the giant smoldering pile of dead gobbos
>It's nice to see your handy work in the day time
>Much more impressive in good lighting
>"Seriously, Anon, the boss has been so pissed he didn't even sleep last night! I'm surprised he didn't try to drag you out last night!"
>"That's between him and his ego. I have goblins to kill. And I have a few ideas on how to do it."
>"What's your plan?"
>"I can't give away my master stroke right away, can I?"
>"I figured you gave that away last night," the red skinned soldier says with a chuckle
>Heh
>Around noon, I head back to the bar, which is now full of Tiefling villagers eating, drinking, and chatting
>Tiff is at her place, behind the bar, filling a glass for Henriks
>Her eyes light up when she sees me
>Henriks turns and waves me over with a huge smile on his face
>"Come in, don't just stand there!"
>I take the seat next to him
>Tiff puts a plate of the same beef I had the night before in front of me
>My favorite
>"Thank you, Tiff," I say to her
>She beams at the praise
>"When we heard you last night, our faces were glued to the windows, and when we saw the flames the children thought the world was ending. I can't thank or praise you enough. But I think this will do for now," he says, placing a decent sized leather bag on the bar between us
>The bag jingles as it hits the bar
>Tiff's eyes widen
>"Anon, that's like a months wages for the soldiers!"
>Neat
>I have no idea how your money works
>"I have a couple of ideas, but I'll need a few guys."
>I recount the story of how I'd followed them to their lair, so Tiff can hear this time
>"Now I know where two of their holes are, one of which isn't far, it's where I got here from the other day. We'd have to plug that hole, preferably on the other side of the portal, in case anybody else comes from my world, they aren't trapped in a cave."
>"Do you expect more people to come through?"
>"I spoke to the sheriff's deputies on my side so they have a decent idea of where I was, but who knows if they'll get a search party together or if anybody else might fall through."
>"If any more do show up, they'll be more than welcome here."
>"How do you plan on blocking the cave, Anon?" Tiff asks
>"Could use wood and logs, could pile dirt in, could blow the cavern."
>"Why not blow both entrances and let them starve?"
>"They've taken some people from my side, and we don't know if they have any other ways out," I explain. "I'm thinking we might have to clear them out of the cave ourselves."
>Henriks jaw drops
>"Y-you want to go INTO the cave? Anon, we have the advantage out here, with the snow hindering their advance, but none of us know the layout of their cave!"
>"I've gone into caves full of murderous rape happy monsters before, Henriks. We just don't call them 'goblins' in my world. And the ones in my world had these too," I say, placing my Galil on the bar.
>"This is my Galil, I built her myself years back. She's a gas operated, air cooled, shoulder fired carbine, chambered in the 5.56×45 NATO cartridge. Thirty-five round magazines, a bipod for steady shots, and the stock folds to the side for close quarters."
>"Which reminds me," Tiff interjects, "I believe we have a date, remember?"
>"Here less than two days and already charming our women, hmm? Well, you two have some fun, I think my soldiers can handle the day shift. But I want to hear a solid plan tonight, Anon."
>"Understood, Henriks."
>I finish my meal and Tiff leaves the bar in the hands of the other workers
>I go back to the guard tower, grab my ruck and the rest of my gear
>Head over to Tiff's hut and knock on the door
>She opens it with a flourish
>She changed out of her work clothes
>She is now wearing a low cut dress with black stockings on her legs, and a pair of leather boots with a buckle at the top
>Kinda look like South African Waxi boots, but with some fur poking out the top of them
>"Well, what do you think?"
>"Y-you look good," I say, eyeing her up and down
>Contain your spaghetti, Anon, she's already really into you
>She giggles and grabs her fur cloak, throwing it around herself and buckling it around her shoulders
>"Let's go," I say, offering her my hand
>She takes my hand and we trudge through the snow a bit into the woods
>I drop my ruck and unlash my stool from the side of it
>Set it down and pull the PPS-43 and place it on top of the ruck
>"What would you like to start with?" I ask while digging out my spare ear pro
>Some cheap electronic ear muffs in case something happens to my Peltors
>"How about the one on your hip?"
>I unbuckle my battle belt and walk over to her, wrapping it around her waist
>Pull her in for a quick kiss
>"Before we start shooting, there are a few safety rules, number one being 'stay strapped or get clapped,' and number two is to have fun."
>I run her through the actual gun safety rules, and she proves to have a good grasp of them
>I put the ear muffs on her head, take her hand to feel where the power/volume knob is
>"What are these for?" She says loudly
>I turn them on for her
>These are to protect your ears
>"This knob turns them on and off, and controls how loud everything is. They'll drown out the sound of the guns, but they'll amplify the smaller sounds like voices and things around you."
>She fiddles with the knob for a few seconds
>"Alright, that tree stump right over there is your target. Wrap your hand around the grip and pull it upward. It'll have some resistance, but you can do it."
>She grabs the pistol and tugs upward
>The belt slips up from her shapely hips to her slimmer waist
>I chuckle a bit
>I place a hand on the belt to hold it in place while she pulls the pistol free
>"Alright, hold it out in front of you with both hands."
>I adjust her grip and show her a few different methods to hold it, as well as the manual of arms
>I can practically feel the heat of her blush as I stand behind her, hands on her hands in front of her
>Feel like a fudd harassing a female shooter at a public range
>"So, you can either pull the hammer on the back, or just squeeze the trigger a bit harder. It's going to come back a bit, and then you'll feel it hit a wall. Once you've got that slack out, I want you to fire at the bottom of your exhale. Okay?"
>"Got it," she replies, enthusiastically
>"And keep the trigger squeezed after it fires," I add
>She takes her stance and takes a deep breath, let's it out, and fires
>She yelps and misses high left
>"It's okay to miss at first. Nobody is born an expert shooter. The round went high left, which means it's your trigger finger."
>I hold my hands in front of me and show her a trick one of my old NCO's showed me
>Hold my left hand in a shakka sign, grab the thumb with my other hand, and reach trigger finger around the shakka pinky
>Squeeze like a trigger
>"So, you've got the trigger too far up on your finger, causing the trigger to get pulled to the right, and kind of down. That all adds up to the barrel pointing a bit high, and a bit left."
>She nods at me and adjusts her hands on the pistol
>"It's alright to take a second to aim, but if you take too long, your arms will get tired and start to shake a little bit. But we've got all the time in the world, all that matters is your target right now."
>She fires again, hitting the stump on the right side
>Fires again, right in the center of the stump
>She empties the rest of the magazine
>Pretty decent grouping for a new shooter
>When the slide locks back, she looks at me with a giant grin on her face
>She jumps into a hug
>"Good job, Tiff, very good job!"
>She lets go and drops the magazine, handing it to me, and loads a new magazine from my belt
>"Let me see that real quick, Tiff."
>She hands me the pistol, careful to point it in a safe direction
>I take the HiPower in one hand and mentally pick several trees to shoot
>Mag dump controlled pairs into each tree
>I pocket the magazine and release the slide
>She's smiling in amazement
>"How about we try another one?"
>"Yes!"
>I push the HiPower back into its holster
>"Galil, or PPS-43? The Galil is a larger round but it doesn't kick much. The PPS-43 is the same caliber as the HiPower, but it's fully automatic. While the HiPower fired one shot every time you pull the trigger, this will just keep shooting until you let go."
>"Hmmmm... The PPS-43!"
>I pick up the PPS-43 and unfold the stock for her

>After about an hour of shooting, we're both shivering quite a bit and decide to call it a day
>She insisted on carrying the PPS-43, but did let me have my belt back
>We near the clearing, and I notice another trail some distance away from ours
>"What is it, Anon?"
>"Someone was watching us. The noise probably kept them from getting much closer."
>We get back to Tiff's hut and I lay my ruck on the floor by the table
>Get the fireplace going again
>Turn around
>Damn, she isn't naked this time
>But she has taken off her cloak, boots, and stockings
>Sitting on a chair at her table, looking at the HiPower
>"Range Day is an important sacred tradition, but cleaning your guns is just as important."
>I dig through my ruck and pull out a pair of cleaning kits
>"This is for the Galil, and this one will work for the HiPower and the PPS-43."
>We clean the guns for about an hour
>I talk her through how they work while they're pulled apart to help her understand
>"How much ammunition did you bring?"
>"Fuck."
>I packed a lot, but I don't know if I'll have enough to last me very much longer after these goblins are taken care of
>"I've heard dwarves are good at making things like this, maybe you can find some that would be willing to make more, or even make some new guns, and spare parts?"
>"That's not a bad idea, but that'll have to wait until the snow is gone. I don't know where anything is in this world, and I don't want to be wandering around in the winter."
>We sit and talk for a bit longer, showing her all the things from my world in my ruck
>She wants to try on my kit
>Sure, why not?
>It's loose around her waist, tight around her chest
>Just as I expected
>She doesn't seem to care that it doesn't fit well
>I explain the armor to her and she is amazed that it can hold up to guns so well
>Eventually the sun sets and it gets dark outside
>"Hey, Tiff, check these out," I say, pulling my NODS from their pouch on her side
>I clip them to my helmet and put it on her
>Oh, right, horns
>I dig my Crye Nightcap out and attach the NODS to it instead
>It isn't nearly as awkward on her head
>Take her hand and pull her to a window
>Draw the curtains behind our heads
>Flip the NODS down over her face and adjust them a bit to her eyes
>Turn them on
>She gasps, seeing even more of the clear night sky and stars than she already could
>"Anon, these are amazing!"
>"In my world you can't see the stars as easily as you can hear. Lots of big cities with lots of lights drowning them out."
>"Your people made these just to see the stars?!"
>"No, we made these to kill each other in the dark. But they're pretty useful for other stuff too."
>"Ah."
>"It took over fifty years to make these. The versions before them were okay, but nowhere near as good as these are."
>We sit in silence for a few minutes 
>"Anon, I can't see anything anymore."
>"The battery probably died. I'll just change the batteries and then they'll be good."
>Knock on the door
>Tiff walks over and opens it
>It's the captain of the guard, here to break up the fun with the stick up his ass
>Oh, yeah, I'm in his beloved's home and she's wearing my gear and NODS
>A capital offense, in my book
>"Anon, you've been goofing off all day, and my men aren't going to pick up your slack!" He yells at me from the doorway
>"First off, again, for the umpteenth time, I'm payed to kill goblins, handsomely at that, NOT to sit in a tower and watch a snow covered field. Secondly, when I DO go up in the tower, I'm picking up THEIR slack."
>He tries to argue back, but I cut him off
>"The ONLY reason I spent all of my first night here in that tower, was to see where the goblins come from, understand?"
>He stands there, clenching his fists
>"I can't do shit if I don't know where they come from."
>"BUT YOU FOUND THEIR LAIR LAST NIGHT!  Why not go wipe them out now?"
>"Because I had to train somebody to protect your asses while I head into the cave," I say, motioning to Tiff.
>He grits his teeth and stomps off
>Or maybe he was trying to walk normally
>Looks like it snowed about six inches since we've been inside
>Tiff closes the door and I lift the NODS off her head
>She rubs her neck and unbuckles my plate carrier
>I don my gear and pick up my ruck
>"Anon, you can leave that here, if you'd like," she says, blushing again
>"I'd love to."
>I leave my ruck by the door and head to the tower
>The guards, Henriks, and a pair of other Tieflings I haven't seen before are standing around a desk
>They have a decently drawn map of the village and woods
>I study it for a moment and then point to two spots along the edge of the mountain, describing the size of the two cave entrances 
>"This is the one I came through. I want the tunnel blown and collapsed a ways inside. With that sealed, they won't be able to escape through it, to my world or yours."
>"Once that's taken care of, I'll go into the other tunnel, and some of you will stay outside to kill any that might sneak past me."
>"Mr. Anon, it's a pleasure to finally meet you, my name is Zandre, and I was a miner before we had to resettle to this location. I think I may be of some help with sealing the cavern."
>He explains that he knows the dangers of cave ins, and how easy they can be to cause by accident, and that it will no problem to cause one on purpose. 
>Guess you're along for the ride, pal
>"I can whip up some charges tonight and they'll be ready by noon tomorrow."
>"Perfect, I think we'll be able to last another night before attacking," Henriks says
>"What kinds of charges?"
>Fuck I miss playing with C4
>Eventually I head back to Tiff's place
>Left my NODS with the guard I was on shift with the night before
>Turns out Zandre became very well versed in making explosives as a child
>Time charges, mines, something akin to a claymore, flash bangs, and grenades
>Something tells me he would have loved /k/
>Step through the door to find Tiff already in bed, and some sammiches on the table
>Perfectwoman.mysogyny
>I strip out of my gear as quietly as I can
>Eat the sammiches
>Strip down to my Rhodie shorts and put my pistol on the nightstand
>Throw another log on the fire and slide under the blanket behind her
>"Goodnight, Anon," she whispers
>"Goodnight, Tiff," I reply as I wrap my arms around her
>Drift off to sleep
>Awake to the sun pouring in through the windows
>Slide out of bed, careful not to wake Tiff
>Get dressed, put the dead batteries from yesterday into my solar charger, put it on the window sill
>Find some kind of ice chest
>Full of food
>Better idea
>Dig into my ruck for my foods
>Bag of pancake mix
>Pack of bacon
>Use one of her pans because I don't want to make a hundred tiny pancakes
>Rekindle the fire and add another log
>Make some pancakes and the bacon
>Somehow, Tiff has slept through the bacon's siren call
>Stack three pancakes onto a plate, with some of the bacon
>Bring it over with a fork and knife and set it on the nightstand
>Gently shake her awake
>Her eyes open and she smiles
>"Hey, pale face, ya didn't sneak out this time?"
>"I don't have anywhere to be until noon, red skin."
>She giggles a bit 
>"Why are you dressed then?" She asks with a wink
>Okay, I have never in my life been winked at as much as I have in the past two days, so this definitely has to be a Tiefling thing
>I strip back down
>She slides over and pats the bed
>Aww yisss 

>About an hour later, we're both a panting mess
>But fortunately the fire was able to keep the food warm
>She is absolutely delighted by the pancakes
>We stay in bed for a while longer, until my watch beeps
>11:45
>Get dressed, against Tiff's protests
>I get to the guard tower with a few minutes to spare
>Henriks and Zandre are already there
>Two good sized wooden boxes in front of them
>Zandre excitedly waves me over
>He's got bags under his eyes, so it's clear that he didn't sleep
>I stand next to them and he opens up the boxes
>WhoaMama.mp3
>Each object in the box has a label
>Lightning flash, tunnel charge, fragmentation, fire wire
>Four of each
>Take off my plate carrier and slip the flashbangs into their pouches along the top of the zip on panel
>Pack the rest wherever they'll fit
>"It's been quite a while since I've made any of these, so I'm a bit rusty."
>Kinda wish he'd said that before I started throwing them into pockets
>Also kinda wish I'd let him explain them before I started throwing them into pockets, but we can talk on the walk
>Retrieve my NODS and three soldiers
>Fresh batteries in the NODS because the others aren't done charging
>Leave the Galil and magazines with Tiff
>Set out for the caves
>Have the three soldiers guard the smaller cavern while we slip through the hole
>I crack another chemlight and give Zandre my last resort ear plugs
>Being an explosives maker, he already knows what they're for
>We walk until we come to my rope
>Which is now laying on the ground in a pile
>Looks like the goblins cut it at the top
>Hopefully they're all home for the party
>Follow the cavern that I didn't take before
>Have to wrap my shemagh around my face
>The stink is so bad
>About fifty meters from the portal, we start placing the charges
>Give it a seven minute fuse
>Hurry out of the cave
>Startle the soldiers, one of them almost swinging his sword at us
>We move away from the cave and wait for the blast
>Counting with my watch, seven minutes exactly
>BOOOOM
>We all duck down
>"That'll rattle their cage," Zandre says with a laugh
>"I'm gonna make sure it worked," I say, sprinting into the cave
>Sure enough, the tunnel had collapsed right where we set the charges
>I come back out into the snow
>"Let's get to the other entrance to keep them contained," I say, taking off through the snow
>I raise my PPS-43 and gun down three goblins that had made it out of the tunnel
>"Zandre, you go make sure the other soldiers are ready, just in case. You three, stay here and don't let anything green live for very long."
>I mount my NODS onto my bump helmet and enter the tunnel
>Keep my Soviet SMG at the low ready as I advance
>Gun down a few here and there, but not a whole lot so far
>Fortunately the tunnel is just one corridor, and not a bunch of paths
>Start to see the occasional item that wouldn't generally belong in a cave
>Wooden crates, emptied grain bags, chains and ropes
>See a dim light up in the distance 
>Slow down and keep quiet
>Load a fresh magazine into the SMG
>The tunnels widens out a lot up ahead
>Crouch behind a crate at the entrance to the chamber
>Peek up over and scan around
>That's a lot of gobbos
>Like, I'm not even gonna count that right now
>Few tents set up hear and there
>One bigger goblin sitting on a chair made of scraps
>I know he's the king because it's written on the wall behind his chair
>The 'g' is backwards
>Couple of small fires are burning near the king and near the tents
>The king gobbo is shouting at some other decent sized gobbos
>One of them drops to his knees and looks to be begging
>The king reaches beside his throne and points a stick at the goblin on his knees
>Booom
>The goblin is a fine mist
>Shit, I guess that definitely explains the missing hunters from my side
>The king swings the shotgun around the crowd, goblins ducking to avoid the muzzle
>He puts it back down and points towards the cave I'm in
>Not sure if spotted me or just telling his goblins to destroy the village
>Judging by their lack of urgency, I'm betting the latter
>Reach over my shoulder into the pouches on my plate carrier for the flash bangs
>Fuckin yeet two of them and duck down, shielding my eyes with the crook of my elbow
>After I hear them go off, I stand and start firing at the little green bodies
>A lot are writhing on the ground, some are running aimlessly in circles, some are clawing each other to death in their panic, and some are clawing at their own eyes
>Neat
>Keep firing
>After a few moments, the ones that haven't blinded themselves regain their vision and attempt to overrun me
>The king is yelling from behind his throne
>Goblins are coming out of the tents and from other corridors around the chamber
>Okay, this is more goblins than ammo
>This is a very big problem
>Start to fall back towards the cave I came from
>Knock over a wooden barrel and kick it towards the goblins
>Turn and run back down the cavern
>Dig out one of my new toys
>Hmmmmmm 'Fire Wire' sounds neat
>Two capsules with a spool of string wrapped around them
>Jam one into a crack
>Wrap the other around a rock
>I take off back towards the entrance but curiosity has me
>I turn and take a knee, raising my PPS-43
>Should be all head and neck shots at this height
>The goblins are a swarming mess of green bodies flooding down the passageway towards me
>Suddenly they hit the 'Fire Wire'
>The string breaks free as they trip over it, the two capsules spray a gas and the air ignites around the goblins, setting them ablaze
>Their shouts of revenge turn to screams of agony
>The goblins push through their roasting brothers, and continue their advance
>There can't be many more of them left
>Produce a fragmentation bomb from my pocket
>There's no pin
>Just a smooth metal ball kinda shaped like an egg with intricate designs carved into the shell
>I throw it into the crowd
>BOOOM
>The goblins are shredded by the shrapnel as I drop to the prone
>Okay, that one was pretty big
>They aren't advancing anymore
>There isn't any movement at all from down the tunnel
>I pick myself up and take a few steps and feel a sharp pain in my right thigh
>Feel my leg
>Did I piss myself again?
>Nope, just blood, thank the /k/ube
>Wait, fuck, blood bad
>Pull a tourniquet off my kit and cinch off my leg
>Lean on the wall for support, switching the PPS-43 to my left hand
>I make my way back to the main chamber
>There weren't a whole lot of goblins left
>Just looked like more than there were because of the tight corridor
>The king is still cowering behind his thrown
>I knock his chair over and grab him by the throat
>Chain him to a nearby set of shackles
>He begs for his life
>Claiming my wound will kill me, but he can use magics to heal it
>I walk to the closest tent
>I wish I hadn't
>Two women, humans from my world, bound and half dead
>Blood pooling under their naked bodies
>Arms and legs amputated and cauterized
>The nubs are clearly infected and the gnawed on bones are scattered around them
>They don't even react to my presence 
>Terrible gashes across their eyes
>There's nothing I can do to save them
>I step out of the tent and vomit on the floor
>Step over it to the next tent
>Each tent had a similar gruesome scene
>A total of nine women from my world
>All visibly pregnant with a litter of goblin young
>I close my eyes and fire through the walls of the tents, ending their suffering
>Say a quick prayer to the /k/ube, and check the other caverns
>These were more akin to living areas
>Furs from various animals made into beds
>Chests of small trinkets and treasures
>Some clothing, from this world and mine
>Maps, tools, weapons, an assortment of things
>Children
>I'll have the soldiers mop this up
>I need a drink
>Take the maps
>Return to the surface
>Fuck, it's cold out here
>"What are you guys staring at?"
>The soldiers grab me as I fall over

>I wake up on a bed
>Both of my right appendages are tied to the bed
>There's something warm in my left hand
>Try to sit up
>A crimson hand lands on my chest and pushes me back down
>"Anon, thank the gods you're alright!"
>I turn my head and see Tiff clutching my hand
>"Hey, Tiff," I manage to say, my voice harsh
>I give her hand a light squeeze and look back at the ceiling 
>Fall back asleep
>Wake up again and try to sit up
>Kinda just pivot my upper body, since I'm tied down
>This time nobody pushes me back down
>Glass of water on a table nearby
>Look at the floor and inspect my cot
>Perfect, it has wheels
>Reach down with free hand and touch the floor
>Scoot my way towards the table with the water
>Inch by inch
>I finally reach the glass
>Almost drown drinking the water so fast
>Cough up a lung clearing my throat
>"Hello? Anybody there?"
>A door opens and in walks a Tiefling wearing a white shirt and pants
>He has a cloth mask on
>"Ah, you're finally awake again! Very good!"
>He crosses the room to me
>Has me follow his finger with my eyes, wiggle my fingers and toes, take deep breaths, all that doctor jazz
>"Alright, I need to tell you something. Please listen, and try not to panic," he says, putting emphasis on 'not.'
>"You've been asleep for quite some time. Yes, yes, I know, you'd like to know how long. I'm afraid it's been..... nine days."
>"Okay."
>That was an awful lot of build up to tell me I was asleep for a few days
>Whatever
>"Why am I tied down?"
>"You kinda toss and turn in your sleep and Tiff didn't want you to fall off."
>That's thoughtful
>Tiefling doctor unties me
>Sit up on the cot
>Stretch a bit
>RiceCrispies.mp3
>Stand up
>Vision starts to fade
>Sit back down
>That's better
>Doctor brings me my clothes
>My Rhodesian brushstroke pants now have a patch in the thigh where the shrapnel hit me, but whoever washed them managed to get all of the blood out
>Liner of my parka is extra fluffy
>Nice
>Fully clothed
>Wears my gear, though?
>I need my Crye so I can flex on poorfags that don't have Crye
>Doctor tells me Tiff took it with her
>Still got my belt and HiPower though
>Make my way outside
>Tieflings thanking me as I limp through the snow
>Make it to Tiff's place
>Knock on the door
>Hear feet stomping to the door
>"For the last time, Lance, I'm NOT marrying you!"
>She swings the door open
>"I certainly hope not."
>"ANON!"
>She tackles me to the ground in a hug
>Why does this hurt so bad?
>Oh, she's wearing my plate carrier
>Adorable
>She lets go of me and we stand up
>"Who's Lance?"
>She looks at me, confused
>"The captain of the guard, you know, the one you've been working with in the tower?"
>Oh yeah
>Totally forgot that douchebags name on purpose
>"I think one of the other guards told me about him proposing before,"
>"Yes, and he's only captain of the guard because his dad was, and just put him in charge when he got too old."
>Laugh heartily
>She warms up some food for me and fills me in on what happened after I passed out
>They had to dig the shrapnel out before they could heal me, otherwise it would have just been in there digging around
>Turns out she's the one that healed my wound
>How has magic not come up yet?
>Aside from that goblins begging, of course
>Whatever
>There's a knock on the door
>I get up and open it
>Lance is standing there, some kind of flowers in his hands
>His jaw drops and he swings the fist with the flowers at me
>Not this time, bitch boi
>Sidestep his swing
>He trips over the door frame
>Lands on the floor
>Put my boot on his back
>"Oh, hi Lance," I say as he struggles under me
>He looks sideways at me from the ground
>"What the hell are you doing here?!"
>"I could ask you the same thing, Lance," Tiff says before I can come up with anything witty to say
>"I'm here to ask you for your hand in marriage, Tiffany!"
>Wow, this is pretty awkward
>"My answer is the same now as it has been every other time," Tiff declares
>Lance tries to push himself off of the floor, but my boot isn't going anywhere
>Tiff looks at me
>I guess my boot IS going somewhere
>Thank the /k/ube, that was hurting like a bitch with my sore thigh
>Step off of him
>He gets on his knees and looks at Tiff
>"You can't possibly have chosen this human over me! You can't be that stupid!"
>"Leave my home, Lance. Leave me alone, and don't come back."
>Lance hangs his head and stands up, shooting me a glare as he walks past me
>I close the door behind him
>Ya know, I'd feel bad for him if he hadn't been a douche since the very beginning 
>Tiff asks how I feel after a nine day nap
>Pretty stiff
>Offers me a massage
>Yes please
>She spends about an hour loosening up my muscles
>Maybe more, I fell asleep
>Get dressed again and we head to the bar
>Impromptu celebration of killing the goblins
>The soldiers tell me about mopping up the caverns after I'd cleared it out
>Left the goblin king chained to the wall
>Looted everything they could 
>Had to break the kings jaw because he tried to bite them when they took his chains
>One of them holds up the shotgun
>Empty
>That must be why I didn't take any buckshot during the raid
>Retrieve my bottle of homemade peach brandy
>They are all absolutely delighted by it
>Many hours of drinking later, we all part ways
>Tiff and I fall asleep in her bed
>Not too interested in going back through the portal
>Couldn't even if I tried
>Went to check on it and it was gone
>This world is more interesting anyway
>But I can't exactly leave the village yet, either, since winter is still in full swing


>Months pass and the snow melts as the days grow longer
>The roads finally clear and I can be on my way
>Have studied the looted maps extensively 
>Consulted Henriks on some of the locations and the dangers along the roads
>Got my gear and ruck ready to go
>Raifus are cleaned, oiled, and loaded
>Redskinned waifu by my side with her own pack, holding my PPS-43
>It's practically hers now
>"You didn't think you were leaving without me, did you? It would be utterly irresponsible for me to let a human from another world go wandering aimlessly in the wilderness all alone!"
>I wasn't planning on leaving without you, but okay
>Spend the days walking and hunting, and the nights in my hammock next to a fire
>Lot of neat shit on this side
>Like a pale orc with a fannypack riding a bicycle with training wheels on it
>Neat

>Take some jobs here and there, since most races don't accept Teifling money
>Mostly pest control
>Rats in basements, giant hogs tearing up fields and stealing pets, stuff like that
>Not too interested in doing any shooting until I can find a source of new ammo
>Got a leather sack of spent cases in my ruck
>Some old noble hires us to evict some kobolds
>Must be senile because he paid us with a horse
>Great, one more mouth to feed
>Really glad I'd brought my Stetson though
>She's a strong, well built mare with brown fur and black splotches
>Never actually rode a horse
>But I have seen enough movies of people in my position embarrassing themselves trying to mount them
>Walk the mare into the woods before we struggle to get on the horse
>Only fell on my ass twice
>We ride around the country side, exploring, since this is all new to the both of us
>One day, I hear a car motor revving
>Quickly pack up camp and take off after the rumbling
>It's a fucking ice cream truck
>White shit dripping out the back door
>Ride up next to it
>The window rolls down
>It's a fucking skeleton 
>Tiff yelps and aims the PPS-43 at it
>"DON'T SHOOT!!!" The skeleton shrieks, putting his hands up
>Introduces himself as Calcium
>Insists we have some milk
>Fuck, this is some good milk
>"So, uh, you two wanna race?"
>"Uuuuh, sure?"
>He stomps on the gas pedal and speeds off
>Whip the reins and chase after him
>Fuck, I knew I should have LS swapped this thing
>The ice cream truck stops dead in its tracks at a cross roads
>We catapult past it
>Pull on the reins to stop the horse
>Turn around to see the ice cream truck doing a little three point turn and speed off the way we came
>Uuuuuh did we win?
>Look at Tiff behind me
>Tiff is staring wide eyed down the trail to the left
>I turn and look
>A massive heard of horses with an absolute unit of a buck at the front
>Charging full speed our direction
>Take a look through my bioculars, since they are still quite far
>The rider at the lead is wearing an older Army uniform and a gasmask
>Has an e-tool on his hip
>He starts waving at us
>Put my binoculars away and face the horse the same direction as them
>Whip the reins as the stag passes us, keeping pace with them
>"Nice hat!" The masked rider yells over the sound of hooves
>"Thanks, nice uh, shovel!"
>"What's your name?" He asks
>"Anon, and this is Tiff! You?"
>"I'm Shovel! How many 'Anons' are there on your side?"
>I guess that means more portals have opened up
>"Uuuh, a lot!"
>"Weird!"
>"What's this parade for?"
>"Neumagh calls for aid! We ride to defend the Dwarven stronghold from a massive hoard of greenskin niggers!"
>Oh thank the /k/ube, we're allowed to say that here
>"Why not, we don't have much else to do!"
>"The more eyes looking for Charlie, the better!" The masked man says
>Ride off to the side
>Get more than a few weird looks
>Hundreds of elves, faces adorned with blue and red war paint
>Neat
>We ride with the elves for a few more days
>The sky is black with smoke
>The lead elves let out war cries as they crest a hill and begin firing arrows down the other side
>Tiff and I have our ear pro on by the time we reach the crest
>We both gasp when we see it
>Thousands of orcs and goblins, artillery pieces similar yet different to any and all I'd ever seen
>A massive totem with a giant orc standing at the foot of it, firing an M2 .50 CAL machine gun from the hip
>I aim my Galil at the hoard and open fire, Tiff doing the same with her PPS-43
>We Grey's Scouts now bois


>I'm sure there was a lot of build up and background to this battle, but I was just happy to be killing greenskins
>It's the simple things in life
>Dwarves in Neumagh had this big fuck off cannon that they used to destroy the orc's totem
>That was pretty much the end of the battle
>The rest was bayonetting the dead and dying while some guy with an FAL set fire to the breeding stock and finished off the orc warlord
>Makes me wish I had brought one of my FAL's
>Coulda been twinsies
>Maybe I'll head back through and bring the rest of my collection with me next time
>Wherever the other portals are
>After the battle a lot of the elves stayed to party in the dwarven city
>The rest went back to their own city
>Kinda wanted to check that out, but we didn't have the supplies to make it there
>Set up camp with a few elves
>They shoot some nasty looks at us
>Maybe they're just looking at my red skinned demon spawn companion
>That's probably it
>Once the drinking starts they chill out
>And by "chill out" I mean they passed the fuck out
>Wait, they didn't even drink that much
>No trees around, so Tiff and I lay out a bed roll 
>Fall asleep fairly quickly

>In the morning we get a small fire going and cook up some breakfast
>Some biscuits, sausage, and, of course, the staple of any innawoods excursion: bacon
>Horse seems content with grazing in the little patch of grass, but I give her a biscuit anyway
>Elves wake up to the smell of the bacon
>Practically jump out of their skins when they see Tiff trying to sip her coffee
>Guys, chill, y'all remember yesterday, right?
>Or did your faggy elf wine fry your brains that bad?
>Finish our breakfast and pack up camp
>Elves are still dealing with their hangovers
>Lightweights
>Head down the trail

>Couple of hours pass and we come upon a town
>Mix of elves, dwarves, and drow
>All with guns
>Just as the /K/ube intended
>Find the bar
>Priorities
>Mix of alcohols from this side and my side
>Order a couple of beers and ask about lodging
>"Ain't much left, lots of folks from your side have been showing up, trying to find jobs and the such. Some of them were fairly surprised that we didn't accept their paper."
>Bartender is a drow, with brown clothes and a white apron
>"Although, some of them boys weren't dressed like boys, and were more than willing to pay with, shall we say 'unconventional methods?'"
>Yuu noooooo
>"Well, we've got some cash from this side, so we won't be resorting to that," I tell the drow
>He tells us about an inn and a gunshop that sprouted up a few months ago
>Apparently they've been employing all sorts of races
>Tiff suggests we hit the gun shop first, because we can always camp if we can't afford a room
>That's my girl 
>Drow didn't tell us the shops name, but he said we'd know it when we see it

>We start looking around town for the gunshop, taking in the sights
>Lot of people from my side around here
>Some mall ninja tactifags, a guy in Marine Corps gear with a fairy poking out of his canteen pouch
>Neat
>And, of course, neckbeards in poorly fitting, and obviously cheap, armor with swords 
>Aaaaand they're harassing elf girls
>"Good morrow, crimson mistress! How hath thy day been? Thou looketh like thine have travelled far, but whyth would thou traveleth with a brute like thine rider?"
>OhShitHereWeGo.Wayne
>Feel Tiff physically cringe against my back
>We both just look at this guy, dumbfounded
>Guy looks late twenties, early thirties
>Neckbeard, armor looks like he ordered it online, gold trim is very obviously painted on and is flaking in some places
>But, the icing on the cake, he is holding his helmet in his hand, because he is wearing a fedora
>"Wouldest thou join me on mine quest to rid thine world of evil?"
>"Bruh"
>"Yes, peasant rider?"
>Shit, I said that out loud
>"Walk away," Tiff says to the white knight
>"Wha-"
>"Stop talking like a reddit larper, and go the hell away"
>"How dare you, peasant?!" He screeches as he draws his katana
>Dude couldn't even pick a theme
>"Cometh down to the street and faceth me liketh a man!"
>By this point his antics have caught the attention of almost the whole street
>"I'm not in a fighting mood right now, so if I get down off this horse, I'm just gonna kill ya instead," I say, resting my palm on my HiPower in its holster
>The guy is just striking anime fight scene poses or something
>"You dareth threaten me with thine uncivilized firearm? M'lady, please, leave this brute and cometh to live a life of luxury with me!"
>Tiff shifts her cloak to the side a bit and points her PPS-43 at the white knight
>"Quit talking like a retard," she says as she nudges me
>That's my signal
>Give the reins a tug and leave this weirdo behind
>End up halfway across town before we find it
>Well, that drow was right, I definitely knew it when I saw it
>That's my family's shop
>Even got my shitbox project car sitting out front
>"Rally Arms" emblazoned on the rear window
>The same thing on a sign above the door
>Sandbag wall around the parking lot
>Oh cool, they got my truck back
>Get down and guide the horse into the parking lot next to my truck
>Tie the reins off to the bumper
>Tiff notices me awestruck
>"What is it, Anon?"
>"This is my shop! I opened this place in between contracts with the Army. Stayed in because deployment pay could pay for the licenses for a few years. Practically built this place myself, but it should be on the other side."
>I open the door and let Tiff enter first, following behind her
>We are immediately greeted by a dwarf behind the counter
>"Welcome te Rally Arms, can ah help yins find anything todae?"
>"Nah, I know where just about everything is," I answer, heading around the counter and slipping through the door to the backrooms.
>Tiff follows behind me while the dwarf yells in protest at us alleged protestors
>Some more dwarves, a couple of elves, and a kobold are manning the various work stations 
>Hydrolic presses pushing AK barrels into place, drill presses machining out AR lowers, bending jigs forming receivers for various HK weapons
>Well, we've certainly upped production since I've been gone if all the stations are filled at once
>"Good shit," I say aloud as my pupils all but physically turn into dollar signs
>An elf hears me and looks over to us
>"You the new hires?" He asks
>"I was the first hire, bud. Y'all work for me."
>"You ain't the boss around here," another elf declares
>"I was the boss on the other side, I'm the boss on this side" I reply, heading for some stairs to the side
>We walk up the stairs into another set of work stations 
>Some elves making holsters, both leather and kydex 
>Make our way past them to an office door
>Swing the door open and see him
>"The hell you been telling people you're the boss for?"
>"Well where the fuck have you been?" He asked
>A near identical copy of me, except a lot scrawnier, shorter hair, and a mere minute older than me
>"Kept you waiting, huh?"
>"What's going on?" A voice comes from his desk
>He looks down at a picture frame on the desk
>"Just a minute, and we can get back to business, please," he says to the picture
>I lean over the desk and see a human in the picture frame
>He sees the top of my head and scowls
>"Who's this?" I inquire
>"This is the head of the Crimson Caravan," my twin answers
>"And who are you?" The picture asks
>I come around the desk so he can get a good look
>"I'm the owner and founder of Rally Armament Co, pleased to meet you. It's come to my attention that quite a bit of business has been attended to in my absence, but rest assured that my company will do all in its power to facilitate your order and win your repeated business."
>"I'm happy to hear that, Anon. Our order is quite extensive, and I hope you can keep up with our production demands."
>"As I have been away for quite some time, I'll give you back over to my twin to go over the details, and he will relay them to me."
>I step back out from the desk and look around the office
>Assortment of my personal weapons on display on one wall
>My Rhodesian flag next to my patch collection on another wall
>Several maps and documents on a cork board next to a white board
>"I'll be outside," I say over my shoulder as I open the door 
>Tiff and I make our way downstairs, this time I take in the details of it all
>There are four elves and a gnome working on the holsters
>An assortment of pistols of various types sit on a table behind them, for use as molds for the holsters
>Many of the holsters have a small /k/ube etched into them
>Down the stairs into the machine shop
>Some dwarves are working on building some AK's
>Guarantee they're forged trunnions if dwarves are working on them
>Assortment of diagrams pinned to the walls
>An elf is carving stocks from blocks of wood
>Another elf is reloading spent casings, dozens of dies in labeled containers sitting in front of her
>The elf on the drill press is inspecting her work on an AR lower
>I spot a third pin hole on the receiver
>The /k/ube is pleased
>Head back into the show room
>We always sold a lot of surplus along with guns
>The walls are covered with rifles of all sorts
>An ungodly number of Mosin Nagants
>Loads of AR's and AK's and all their variants
>Pallets of MRE's, ammo cans, and magazines dot the show room floor
>The size of the shop rivaled all other small LGS's, but we made a point not to step on smaller shops toes unless they earned it
>The only wall that was empty was the one I reserved for a portrait of the /k/ube
>I'd hired a /k/ drawfag patch artist to paint it there
>Don't even remember how long it took to paint it, but they earned some serious discounts and a good paycheck from it
>Cases throughout the shop displayed an assortment of every weapon under the sun
>Our post ban dealer sample full autos on the wall behind the counter
>A few PKM's, a dozen AK and AR variants, some SMG's 
>That shit was expensive
>Tiff and I walk back outside and lean against my truck and smoke a cigarette
>"Looks like your shop is doing pretty well," Tiff says, nudging my side
>"I'll say," I reply with a puff of smoke
>"Used to make most of our money on machine gun rentals, since everybody wants to shoot one, but nobody wants to pay to get one for themselves. That and repairs and cleaning, for the same reason. Everybody wants a sparkly clean gun, but not everybody is willing to put in the work to actually do it."
>"Looks like most of your money is coming from guns and ammo sales, now, huh?" She says, motioning to a pair of kobolds walking out of the shop with an RPK on their shoulders
>"Looks to be that way," I say with a smile. 
>The bell rings as the door opens and my twin steps outside
>Flannel shirt, black battle belt, Glock on his hip, AR slung across his back
>"Sup, fag?" He calls across the parking lot
>"You better not have scratched my car getting it here."
>"The whole damn place came all at once, you're car is right where you parked it."
>"And how exactly did the shop get here?"
>"I imagine it was the same way you got here, retard."
>"I fell through a portal in a ravine up on a mountain and ended up in a cave up north."
>"Well, we didn't go through a cave, so I guess it wasn't the exact same way."
>He explains that the portals opened up a few weeks after I disappeared. From what scientific research has been done, the portals didn't even open up in their identical geographic locations. Like if you took a paintball gun, loaded it with two red, two blue, two green, and then spun two globes and fired one color at each one randomly. The shop ended up here, I ended up in a cave, California ended up flooded with orcs and goblins, so not much change there.
>Along with the big sustainable portals, lots of portals opened up, switched some locations around, and then closed back up after a few hours to a few days
>Ask him about politics on the other side
>Says the liberals gave elves and dwarves voting rights, and then they voted in a bunch of libertarian politicians and managed to do away with a lot of gay laws
>Huh, so the system DOES work
>Shop ended up landing here, so they started selling guns to the locals
>Tiff asks him about the neckbeards in town
>They showed up a few weeks ago
>Turns out as soon as the portals opened up, a lot of neckbeards ordered armor and swords off the internet and headed through
>Lot of them ended up dead, a product of their own stupidity
>The ones that survived, gather in towns and talk about World of Warcraft to try to impress the local girls
>"Well, I think it's about time to introduce myself to my new employees," I say flicking a cigarette butt into the parking lot
>I pull the saddle off of my horse and slide the saddle into the bed of the truck
>Don my ALICE pack and we head inside
>All the employees are gathered in the show room
>Get introductions out of the way
>Couple of the dwarves are from Neumagh
>Tiff mentions we were with the elves that came to help
>Twin announces that we've just scored a contract with the Crimson Caravan trading company to arm a portion of their security elements
>He goes over the numbers of their order
>Lot of NFA shit
>Medium machine guns, anti tank systems, various rifles and sidearms, a combat load of ammunition for each weapon
>When that's all over with, we all get to work
>Twin and I going over the paperwork from the last few months to get me up to speed, Tiff watching the others work
>At the end of the day, one of the dwarves asks if he can take a look at my vehicles
>I toss him the keys and he catches them in a mechanical arm
>Twin gives me some cash and Tiff and I make our way to an inn, since my twin had taken the room I had for myself at the shop
>Get ourselves one of the last rooms available at the inn
>Strip off our gear and relax
>Both rooms beside ours are blasting hentai waaay too loud
>So much for relaxing
>Strap my belt around my waist and go to the bar downstairs
>Order some food and beers
>Neckbeards everywhere
>Why did my shop have to land here?
>/k/ube help us
>Ask the elf behind the bar about the neckbeards
>The elf's eye twitches a bit
>"They showed up a while ago and just won't leave," she says. "They all talk about having a quest from some god to 'rid the world of evil,' but none of them ever leave."
>"None of us know where their money keeps coming from, but they keep paying their bills on time, so we can't just kick them out"
>"They keep ending up hurt because they'll try to take jobs to kill goblins or the such, and their swords and armor just breaks, like it's made of tin or something"
>At this point a piano starts to play
>Sounds like something from the Lord of the Rings, but very out of key and missing notes here and there 
>The neckbeards cheer and I glance over
>That cringelord from earlier is sitting at the piano
>He looks around the room as he plays, causing a mess of missed notes
>He spots Tiff and I and scowls at me
>Here we go again
>Tiff and I finish our food and make our way back up to our room
>She sits on the bed and I stand by the door
>I hear something brush against the door
>Swing the door open and the neckbeard falls to the floor
>Draw my HiPower and plant a knee on his back
>"You just won't quit, will you?" I press the barrel against the back of his head
>"I had no idea you two were staying at this inn! Your horse was not at the stables!"
>Not sure if he dropped the accent or just couldn't fit "eth" onto the ends of those words
>"Bullshit. What the fuck do you want? Talk carefully or I'll paint this room red."
>"I was just in the neighborhood and was wondering if you would want to accompany me in a quest?"
>"Lemme guess, to rid the world of evil?" Tiff asks sarcastically
>"Nay, fair crimson maiden, there is a dungeon of beasts that needeth slain to defend this fine town!"
>Tiff looks at me blankly
>I cock the hammer of my pistol
>"This isn't reddit. Nobody talks like that in real life," I say
>"Okay, okay! I'll talk normal! The sewers have something in them that the mayor wants dead!"
>"He tell you what it was that he wants dead?"
>"No, but he's offering four hundred gold coins for it!"
>"Four hundred devided by three is what? About a hundred and thirty three each?"
>"I was thinking fifty/fifty!"
>"Fifty/fifty doesn't work, guy, there's three of us here. And I have a feeling we'd be doing a lot more work than you would be doing."

>Aaaand here we are, at the entrance to some gross sewer system under the town, waiting for this cringelord to show up
>Tiff and I are sharing a cigarette 
>Traded my Galil for an MP5 with a suppressor, Tiff has a suppressor on her PPS-43 as well
>Gave her my CZ P09 as well
>We've both got NODS on and I'm holding a spare set of PVS-15's for this guy
>Got them mounted on an old skull crusher so I won't feel bad about throwing it away after he soaks it in sweat
>I've got some of those neat 'mining implements' in my assaulter panel
>The guy shows up a half hour late
>He has a torch and his katana
>"Good evening, brave companions, are thou ready to brave this treacherous dungeon?"
>"What did we tell you earlier, Reddit?"
>"Yes, yes, but why do you have to call me Reddit?"
>"You brought that upon yourself. Now put these on and put out that fucking torch," I say, passing him the PVS-15's
>He struggles with the skullcrusher for a minute before he finally figures it out
>"Is it supposed to hurt like this?"
>"No, but they do it anyway," I say smugly
>Suffer
>"How am I supposed to wear my helmet with this thing?"
>"You should have thought about that before you decided to larp as King Arthur."
>He produces a key to the grate covering the entrance to the sewer and gives it to me
>I swing the door open and begin the descent
>Turns out he didn't get a map or anything, so I drop IR chemlights along the path as we walk
>I take point, Tiff behind me, and Reddit taking up the rear
>He probably can't do much with that sword, but he can make sure nothing climbs down behind us
>Fortunately there was a wall behind us for him to watch
>We make our way through the tunnels, I drop a chemlight at each turn
>Still no idea what we're hunting, but we'll find out soon enough
>We're about three streets down from the entrance when Reddit lets out a shriek
>I spin around with my MP5 up
>He's staring at the ceiling, he sword stretched out in front of him pointing up
>I look up and see it
>Dozens of spiders
>Each at least the size of my head
>Welp, this is it, kids. This is how we die
>I step over and clamp and hand over his mouth to shut him up
>"Shut the fuck up, Reddit, turn around and follow the chemlights back to the ladder!" I say to him
>Tiff is staring up at the spiders with her SMG shouldered
>We start jogging back to the ladder and I glance over my shoulder to see dozens of spiders scurrying along the ground behind us
>I sprint up ahead and start placing one of the Tiefling Fire Wire traps down
>I arm it as Reddit and Tiff pass me
>I stand and pick up my pace behind them
>The spiders hit the wire and burst into flames, lighting up the cavern around us
>I raise my NODs a bit and glance behind me to see the carnage with my bare eyes
>Flaming spiders on the ground, spreading the fire to those on the walls, and illuminating the spiders on the ceiling
>The spiders are black with various shades of green colorations
>Reddit is just running for his life and sprints past the ladder, stopping just before he hits the wall behind it
>Tiff jumps as she gets to the ladder, landing three or four rungs up and climbing for dear life
>I throw a flash bang behind me and cover my eyes with my forearm
>The now blind spiders screech behind me as I grab Reddit and all but throw him up the ladder
>I climb up after him and slam the gate shut
>Shooting the spiders that squeeze through the bars
>Tiff relights Reddit's torch and presses the flame into the writhing mess of spiders
>They retreat away from the flame back into their dark tunnel
>Tiff sets the torch down on the grate
>I drag Reddit to his feet and take the NODs back from him, disgarding the skullcrusher that was now thoroughly soaked in his grease
>Called it
>"To the bar. I need a drink."

>We reconvene back at the bar at the inn
>This time it's empty, save for the elf at the bar and another mopping the floors
>Tiff and I order some beers, Reddit has a water
>"Alright, Reddit, what did you learn on your first excursion with a legitimate mercenary?"
>Reddit is shaking so bad he can barely hold his water
>"If we had kept the torch, we would have seen them sooner"
>"Doesn't matter. They're spiders, they knew we were in their den as soon as we opened the grate."
>"The big thing you should have learned is to gather as much information about your target as possible. All you came into this knowing was that it was in the sewers. Couldn't tell us what it was, how many, how big, nothing. In the morning we're going to talk to the mayor about this job. See if we can up the reward. But first, Tiff and I are leaving the inn and crashing at my shop."
>"Can't afford another night here, peasant?" Reddit asks smugly
>I will break your face
>"We're leaving because I'd rather spend the night gearing up in my own home than some hotel. Less neckbeards there too."
>We finish our drinks and head back to my shop
>We're both on edge, because we spot a few spiders along the walk
>Drop our gear by the couch in the office
>Grab my Henry mares leg shotgun in .410
>Load up some homemade dragons breath shells
>Strap the scabbard to my belt and leg next to my HiPower
>Head down through the back door and stand next to the fire
>"Ya know the sewers are full of spiders?" I say to him
>"What?" 
>"Yep. Hundreds of big ass spiders a few feet under everybody's feet. Went down an hour or so ago but had to bail out."
>"I suppose 9mm isn't the best for a swarm of bugs. Gotta use something with a good spread, like your shotgun."
>"I'm going to meet with the mayor in the morning to discuss this job."
>"See if you can get us a contract with them or something."
>"By the way, I'm taking my office back," I say as I turn and go back inside
>Get back to the office and lock the door behind me
>Tiff is half asleep on the couch, wearing a pair of my Rhodie shorts and a tank top
>Gentle shake her awake and unfold the couch into a bed
>Lewd time

>Wake up and get dressed again
>Fold the couch back up and get geared up
>Shotgun on my hip 
>Battle belt on with a pair of Galil magazines
>Galil slung under my coat
>Drop all my spent casings off with the reloading elf, and ask her to cook up some more dragons breath shells
>Give one of the dwarves my grenades and tell him to get creative with stuff, but to focus on stuff that won't cause as much damage to structures around the targets
>Take my truck to go get some breakfast
>After a meal of eggs, bacon, and biscuits with gravy, head to the mayor's place 
>Reddit is on time for once, pacing back and forth in front of the gate
>Still wearing his Etsy armor
>"Where the hell have you two been? I've been waiting for hours!"
>"It's nine o'clock, Reddit, we're on time," I say as I climb out of the truck
>The three of us walk through the gate and up to the main house
>Big stone house with big windows
>Fenced in yard with vines growing up a lattice archway
>Nice place
>Knock on the door and an elf maid answers 
>Reddit tells her we're here about the job
>She takes us inside to a foyer to wait for the mayor
>About fifteen minutes later he comes down a spiral staircase and greets us
>Turns out he had no idea about the spiders, and that the sign was posted seven months ago to clear out some burglars that had been hiding out in the sewers
>After some explanation and negotiations, he is willing to pay to have the spiders killed
>Offers to bump the original reward to six hundred gold pieces, as well as contracting the Rally Arms weapons company to arm his guards and police force
>Not bad
>Leave the Mayors place and get back to my truck
>"Hop in the back, Reddit."
>He manages to climb over the side wall and sits down against the cab
>I slide open the rear window
>"What are we going to do about the spiders?"
>"The mayor didn't even know they were under there, and that's a lot of mouths to feed down there. They've got to be coming up to hunt at some point, and if nobody has mentioned them yet, then they must be surfacing around the edge of town, plus there weren't a lot around where we went down."
>"But what are we going to do about them?"
>"Obviously, we're going to kill them. The issue with that is they'd swarm us if we used conventional weapons. We'd have to smoke them out into a chokepoint and schwack them there, or flood the tunnels or something. We'll have to find a map of the sewer system, one that includes old passages that might not be in use anymore. For all we know they came from miles away, or were sealed away until a few months ago."
>"Soooooo, what?"
>"Where's a library, Reddit?"

>We pull up in front of the library and ask the librarian about any maps
>Get a few old parchment maps and a few newer ones laid out on a table
>Try to eyeball where we entered and where we walked to
>Tiff seems to have an eye for it, so she takes over 
>Gets a couple of rough drawings of the sewers made up
>Then adds the older tunnels in different color
>Her map is looking pretty good
>Even has the dimensions and distances written down, along with road names and buildings above the tunnels
>Turns out the older tunnels extend farther than the city limits
>Head back to the shop
>Get sat around a table in one of the backrooms
>Get my now reloaded rounds back from the elf, along with a few dozen dragons breath rounds
>They kinda sparkle a purple color
>These ought to be neat
>Dwarf stacks some disk shaped items on the table, along with more of the ones I gave him to check out
>Some pressure mines, but backwards
>Explains they won't go off if more than twenty pounds steps on it
>Lets out a stream of fire around edge of it when it goes off
>Neato
>Another dwarf puts a flamethrower on the table
>Two big tanks on an ALICE frame with some straps and a nozzle
>It's enchanted so it feels a lot lighter than it should be
>I'll have to get my NODs enchanted too
>Best employees a guy could ask for
>Twin gets a call on his mirror 
>Crimson Caravan calling, wanting to talk to me
>Take the mirror and set it on the table, leaning against the stack of mines
>"How can I help you?"


>Crimson Caravan wanted to add more anti tank shit to their order
>One of their convoys down south got torn up by a dragon
>More money for us
>Gather up our new gear and put it in the truck
>Talk to the police and have them board up all the storm drains they can find
>Give Reddit the flame thrower so he can be useful this time
>Get Tiff set up with a shotgun and plenty of dragons breath and birdshot
>She really likes my 1897 trench gun
>She still insists on bringing her PPS-43
>I swap my Galil back out for the MP5
>Reddit has a derringer
>Not sure where he got it, and it isn't from the shop, but whatever 
>Make sure the batteries in our NODS are fresh
>Head back into the sewers
>A lot more signs of spiders this time
>Webs in patches around the ground and walls
>Whisper to Tiff and Reddit to try not to step on them
>"W-why not?" Reddit asks
>"When spiders sit on their webs, they feel the silk, so when stuff hits it, they feel it. Like a tripwire alarm."
>Reddit gulps hard
>Keep wandering the sewers, consulting the maps at every turn
>Searching for the older passageways
>After about an hour, we find one
>A crack in the wall where some bricks had been pushed free from the wall
>Inside is a mess of webs on all surfaces
>Drop a chemlight on the floor inside the crack
>Slip inside
>Reddit has to take off the flamethrower to fit
>It probably would have helped if he didn't wear that armor
>We can't avoid it now
>Light up a cigarette
>Step onto the silk
>It's not sticky enough to hold my boot in place, but it's noticable
>Like walking in mud
>The web seems to shudder as I step on it
>"They definitely know we're here now. Reddit, you better be johnny on the spot with that flamethrower."
>Raise my shotgun and slowly inch forward
>See some movement under the webs a few meters ahead
>Two spiders burst out from underneath
>Blast one while Tiff blasts the other
>Suddenly there's a lot more movement under the webs up ahead
>"Uhh, you're up, Reddit!"
>Step back and push him up forward
>He fumbles but lets loose a steady stream of napalm down the tunnel
>As the flamethrower dies down, the screeches of hundreds of burning spiders fills the passageway
>The webs have been torched to bare stone and bricks
>They won't know exactly where we are for a little while, but it doesn't matter
>Take up point again and push on
>Tiff and I blasting any spiders that we see
>The passage drops down into a natural cavern
>Looks like a long empty aquifer
>NODs can't penetrate the deep dark of it
>Flip my NODs up and pop a road flare
>Drop it into the hole
>It just keeps going
>Well, let's see what happens if I do this
>Pull out an incendiary grenade
>Yeet
>That set something on fire
>"Hey, Tiff, where are we?"
>She looks at her map
>"Just outside the city limits, this cave wasn't on the maps," she answers
>"Alrighty," I say, placing a tunnelling charge on the wall, pointing up to the surface
>Pull the pin
>"We might want to run," I say, pointing at the charge
>Reddit's eyes get wide and he turns around and starts sprinting
>Tiff and I jogging behind him, blasting the occasional spider that hadn't revealed itself yet or followed us in from the sewer
>The tunnelling charge explodes and forms a tunnel leading up to the surface
>It was only about twelve feet, but that's still impressive for a charge about the size of a tuna can
>Magic: how does it work?
>Make our way back to the actual sewer system
>Take the first ladder to the surface
>Fuck, I forgot it's boarded up
>Fire a few blasts of bird shot through it and pry the grate open with my kukri
>Climb up through and help the others up
>Blast another spider that tried to scurry up behind Reddit
>Slam the grate back over the hole
>A few legs poke through the holes, but it's too tight of a squeeze for any of them to push through
>I look around
>We're in a street and people are staring at us
>Reddit has dropped his flamethrower and is sitting on the sidewalk panting
>I pick it up and push the nozzle through one of the holes in the grate
>Squeeze the trigger for a few seconds and release
>Hear their tiny screeching as they flee
>Smoke bellows up from the holes
>Look around the street and set the flamethrower back down next to Reddit
>"Progress."
>I start walking back across town to my truck, unbuckling my helmet, Tiff following close behind
>Climb into the truck 
>Crack a beer and light a cigarette
>I am responsible
>Drive back to the shop
>Get some rope, some more ammunition, refuel Reddit's flamethrower
>Drive out to where the tunneling charge surfaced
>Took out a fucking oak tree
>Neat
>Tie off one end of the ropes to the trees stump
>Set them up to repel down
>Throw a road flare into the hole
>It slides down the impossibly smooth dirt surface into the cavern below
>Enter the cavern
>Place a few of those mines around so they can't sneak up on us
>I repel down into the hole
>Not sure how this aquifer could possibly be empty
>Maybe it drains off into an underwater river much deeper than this 
>Throw some more roadflares around the aquifer
>Tiff lands behind me on her rope
>She's wearing Reddit's flamethrower
>"He was too scared to come with"
>"That's alright," I say, patting her on the ass
>She squeaks
>"Not here, Anon," she scolds me
>I chuckle and light another road flare
>She cracks some green chemlights by our ropes
>Unhook and draw our shotguns
>There aren't any webs down here
>Weird
>We pick a direction and start walking
>Lot of skeletons down here
>What's that slurping sound?
>A husk of a body slams into the ground in front of us
>I pop another road flare and yeet that bitch into the air in front of us
>It bounces off of a giant spider leg about fifteen meters in the air
>The monstrous spider turns and peers down at us
>Nice rack
>Wait, spiders don't have tits
>"My, my, it isn't often that I get company this deep within my lair. At least, none that can talk," it says in a definitely feminine voice. 
>It crawls down from a wall in front of us
>In stands about twelve or so feet tall
>Spider legs, spider ass, human torso, those gotta be triple D's, human arms and a human face, but with some extra eyes
>Most of its height is coming from the spider legs, as the human parts look fairly average sized
>Well, except that rack
>That's definitely above average
>It's spider parts are a mix of black and silvery grey, it's human parts are pale, jet black hair cascading down its head behind its ears, and its eyes are all a deep violet
>"Am I correct to assume that you are the ones that have been burning my poor children?"
>"Yep, that's us," I say as Tiff and I raise our shotguns
>"My, my, and what brought you to do such a cruel thing?"
>I didn't really think about that. 
>There weren't any missing persons reports, no giant spiders plaguing the surface 
>In fact all we can figure is that they killed the burglars that were hiding out down here
>Definitely kept the rats in check, too
>This is kinda awkward
>"Where'd that body come from?" I ask, motioning to the husk in front of us
>"I've been aging that for about a month. My children found him and a few others up in the tunnels above."
>"We took a job to hunt those guys down, and I guess we panicked a bit when we saw your uh, kids."
>"Hmm, yes, most on the surface do panic when they see my children. That's why I tend to keep them to the forests, bringing me deer and the like. But your sewers make an excellent lair for my children, full of rats and the like scurrying around, ripe for the taking."
>They're ripe, that's for sure
>"I'm afraid you've killed a great number of my children to get here."
>"Yeah, we noticed."
>"So, why should I not just drink you both right now?"
>I produce one of my grenades
>"You make a move, I pull this pin, it explodes."
>"If it explodes, you'd die too," the spider girl says
>"That's fine by me."
>"My, my, then it seems we are at a stalemate, aren't we?
>"I could send my children to massacre the city above, as a dying wish, you know?"
>"I think they'll be alright."
>"My, my, you're a bold one, aren't you? I haven't been opposed like this in three hundred and forty six years. And that was when I was actively having my children hunt your peoples."
>"I'm certainly sorry to have intruded on you during more peaceful years, and it seems we are in fairly over our heads."
>"You certainly are, little man. But, I propose a solution. I will have my children scurry away into the deepest darkest pits of these caverns, and you will be free to leave."
>"That sounds a bit too simple."
>"Doesn't it always?" She says before letting out a serious of sounds that I can only describe as a whistle mixed with a click
>Shit shit shit
>Spiders are running around us, staying just out of the light of our flares
>We can't see them, but we can hear hundreds of thousands of legs
>We keep our shotguns trained on the queen
>"By the way, my name is Araya," she says as she slinks back into the darkness
>A disgusting squelching sound comes from the shadows and something heavy falls to the ground
>I think that's our signal
>Tiff and I jog back to our ropes and begin the ascent back to the surface
>Fuck this sucks
>Takes like fifteen minutes to climb back up to the surface 
>Collect up our mines and give Reddit his flamethrower back
>I toss a few explosives in to collapse the tunnel so nobody falls in
>Throw my gear in the truck and light up a cigarette
>"Let's go, Reddit, job's done! Time for payday and drinks!"
>"I uh, I think I'm gonna walk," he says, glancing over at some trees nearby
>"What are ya talking about? You seriously want to walk?"
>"Yeah, Anon, I'll be alright," he says, scratching his head
>I glance over at the trees and spot her
>"Uhh, Tiff, the naked spider chick is in the trees."
>"Hey, uh, Reddit, howabout you come over here for a second, huh?"
>Reddit walks over to the truck and leans against the door
>I fill him in on what happened down in the cave
>"But she doesn't have spider legs, though," Reddit says
>"So what happened up here while we were down there?"
>Reddit explains that a little while before we surfaced, Araya climbed out of the cave, and he apparently put on his white knight act and charmed her
>Had no idea that she was the mother of all those spiders, and offered to buy her some clothes and a meal
>Alrighty then
>"How about this, we'll head back and get her some clothes, and then all ride into town together, huh?"

>When Tiff and I get back, Reddit and Araya are sitting next to a small fire, Araya wearing his shirt
>Reddit comes over to get Araya's clothes
>He looks taller for some reason
>Oh, it's because he isn't slouching
>Light up another cigarette while Reddit helps Araya get dressed
>They walk over to the truck, Araya now wearing a white skirt that goes down just below her knees, and a tan tunic
>Also picked up an umbrella because the sun would probably murder he pale skin
>Drive back into town and head to the mayor's house
>Park the truck outside and knock on the door
>The elf maid lets us in and seats us im the foyer again
>The mayor is much faster about coming to greet us
>"And who might your new companion be?"
>"This is Araya," Reddit speaks up
>"She's the one that got rid of your burglars living in the sewers a while back. As for the spiders, they're all gone as well."
>"Well, well, two jobs taken care of! I suppose some rewards are in order, then! Come, come!"
>He leads us into another room with a pair of chests in it
>"For you, Miss Araya, four hundred gold coins for ridding the sewers of the burglars that had plagued my town for several months. And for you three, six hundred gold coins for driving off those wretched spiders!"
>Araya winces as he says this
>Araya picks up her chest by herself, Reddit and I heaving the other chest out to the truck where the girls are waiting for us
>Fuck my suspension, I guess
>Drive back to the inn that Reddit stays at
>Drink time
>After a good meal and a few rounds of drinks, Araya as getting handsy with Reddit
>Gross
>Gonna head back to the shop and get handsy with my woman
>Leave them with Reddit's share of our bounty and drive back to the shop
>Glance at the fuel gauge
>Sitting just above full, so I should be good for another couple of days
>Wait, what?

>Tiff and I get back to my office and help each other out of our gear and clothes
>Lock the door and unfold the couch
>Good thing this couch pulls out, because I don't 

>We wake up to machinery whirring to life down stairs
>Look at my watch
>Six thirty in the morning
>Slip out of bed and get dressed
>Head into the shop to find all my employees hard at work
>Holy shit they work fast too
>Elf on the drill press already has three AR lowers milled out, complete with third pin holes next to the machine 
>A female elf next to him fitting the internals into place
>I'd say they need a raise, but I've seen the paperwork with their wages on it
>These folks are definitely living comfortably
>"HOLY FOOK THERE'S A FUUKIN' BIG ASS SPOIDER OOT THERE!"
>Draw my pistol and rush to the showroom where the dwarf yelled from
>Swing open the door scanning the floor
>Look at the dwarf, who's pointing a Browning Auto 5 towards the door
>Look at the door and see Araya with Reddit standing in front of her as if to shield her from the blast
>Wow, she is like a foot taller than him
>He's also not wearing his armor for once
>Holster my pistol and lower the shotgun with my hand
>"It's fine, we killed a fuck load of her spiders down in the sewers, but she seems chill now."
>Wave them inside
>Reddit wants some legit gear, since he knows his World of Warcraft stories can only go so far
>Says he's gonna try to lose all that weight too
>Good for him
>Scored a big tiddie goth spider milf gf and wants to turn his life around
>Get him some gear and guns picked out
>Some stuff for Araya too
>Araya and Reddit leave, arms full and wallets a bit lighter
>He bought a Mosin, a sawn off double barrel twenty gauge, and an AR
>Along with a healthy amount of ammunition and some webbing and pouches
>Head back up to the office and find a new stack of paperwork on my desk
>I forgot how bad this side of the job sucks
>Fortunately there is no ATF here, so most of this paperwork is for new contracts
>Right on top, a contract to arm the local police, just as I had arranged
>Unfortunately, the mayor seems to have placed the word "exclusively," and not where I'd prefer it to be
>"Something something, Rally Arms shall exclusively arm the police force of..."
>Not gonna make a lot of money by only arming the police force here
>And I've already got prior contracts
>Didn't leave a down payment, or any indication of a future payment, so I'll be sliding this form right off the edge of the desk
>What's next?
>Crimson Caravan pushing up their deadline
>Oof
>Spend the next few hours sifting through the various paperwork
>The crew has left for the night and Tiff is cleaning her PPS-43
>Lean back in my seat and put my palms to my eyes
>I hear a tiny little thunk in the next room, followed by the jingle of brass spilling across the floor
>Silently stand and take one of my FAL's out of its display case
>The Rhodesian one with the grenade sight on it
>Was displayed with a full magazine
>Press check
>Ready to go
>Shoulder rifle and go to door
>Tiff grabs my HiPower off my belt next to the bed
>Stacked up on the door
>I pull the door open and flick the light switch on
>Swing my barrel around the room
>Kydex mold: clear
>Leather station: clear
>Reloading bench: fairies
>Hit the stairs
>Wait, what?
>Lower my rifle and turn around
>Tiff is standing by the office door looking at the fairies
>The fairies are frozen, staring at her
>They drop the .50 BMG round they were carrying
>"Hey, you three. What are you doing with my ammo?"
>They put their hands up and start chattering
>No idea what any of that means
>Look at Tiff
>She's just as confused
>"We have no idea what you're saying," Tiff says to the four inch trio
>They flutter up to the loose ammo on the bench
>Start linking it all together
>Two on the sides holding the links and the third pushing the rounds through
>Neat
>They link about ten rounds faster than I could have done it
>Probably could have done it faster if they weren't so skinny
>They look like they've missed a few meals
>Two females and a male
>Clothes look like scraps of burlap
>"You three want a job?"
>The fairies beam at this and nod their heads
>Put my FAL back in its case and grab a bag of beef jerky from my pack
>Give them some of the jerky
>They tear into a few strips
>Go type up a little contract on the computer in my office
>Print it off three times
>Bring them out to the fairies with a pen
>"Sign here, and you'll be employees of the Rally Arms weapons company"
>The fairies take turns scribbling along the lines
>Put the papers into a folder in a filing cabinet
>"Alright, welcome aboard, work starts at six thirty tomorrow morning, I'll figure out some sleeping arrangements for you tomorrow. For now, enjoy the jerky."
>Close the window they snuck in through
>Three new employees that can handle linking the ammo
>Might not have to invest in a machine to do it now
>I think we'll make this deadline
>Twenty five M2 .50 CAL machine guns, fifteen M240L's, eighteen Barret M107 antimaterial rifles, sixty M4's, thirty RPK's, forty five Glock's, eight RPG7's, and eight LAW's
>Deadline pushed forward to four months out
>The crew knocked out three of the M2's, half the M4 receivers, and a dozen of the RPK receivers today alone
>Never could have reached this level of production on the other side
>Settle down onto the bed 
>Tiff locks the door and flicks off the light
>Feel her climb onto the bed and straddle me
>She lays down on my chest
>"How does all that paperwork look?" She asks, holding a cigarette up to my lips
>I take it and she lights it, gently tossing the Zippo onto my pants on the floor
>I take a puff
>"Mayor fucked up his side of his contract, so that deal is on hold for the time being. Crimson Caravan pushed their deadline up by a month, couple of import deals from the other side."
>"Business always this good?" She asks as she takes the smoke
>"Much better lately than it ever was before."
>"What are the import deals for?"
>"Mostly parts kits, but some big manufacturing companies are trying to dig into the shops on this side to double their profits."
>She gives the cigarette back and I take a drag from it
>"So we're gonna be staying around here for a while?"
>"I haven't decided yet. Stick around and build weapons to fuel the military industrial complexes of this world, or travel the countryside spreading the name?"
>"The second one sounds more fun," she says nuzzling into my side
>"Yeah it does. We'll give it until this Crimson Caravan deal is finished up."
>Drift off to sleep

>Production goes well with just a few more detail tweaks from the Crimson Caravan
>A few weeks before the deadline, a couple of Humvees and an LMTV park out front on the street
>A third Humvee parks in the parking lot opposite my car
>The bell rings and I look up from the packet of greentext screenshots I was flipping through
>No internet here yet so I have to import my favorite Cantonese koi fish pond enthusiast board
>A couple of humans, a drow, and a female high elf
>All kitted up and armed
>Patches on their chests have the logo of the Crimson Caravan trading company
>"Mr. Anon? We're here to inspect the progress of our order for the Crimson Caravan."
>"Right this way," I say, inviting them into the backrooms
>Stacks of crates on pallets next to the garage door to the loading docks
>"The last of it is in the works as we speak, about a pallet of 7.62×51 NATO rounds that need belted together and packed up, then they'll be ready to go, just ahead of schedule."
>"Ahead of schedule, even after my supervisors pushed the deadline up by a month? Impressive," the elf says
>"The hardest part was sourcing the metals to forge the M2 receivers."
>She looks through a few of the unsealed wooden crates, counting rifles and glancing at the log sheets that label what's in its respective crate
>She pulls out an RPK from its slot in its crate
>She turns toward the wall and shoulders the rifle
>Works the bolt a few times
>Closes her eyes and works the bolt slowly
>She lowers the rifle and places it back in its crate
>"Everything seems to be in order here. An LMTV will be left with you, to deliver these to a city to the south, where we have an outpost for convoys to refit and rearm. I trust you will be able to deliver them?"
>"I believe that can be arranged, Miss-"
>"Allie. And I look forward to seeing you and the shipment in a few weeks."
>"Consider it done, Miss Allie."
>"J-just Allie. Have a nice drive, Mr. Anon."
>The Crimson Caravan members climb back in their Humvees, and take off back where they came from
>Great, now I don't have much choice
>Head back up to my office
>Pass the fairies waiting on fresh brass to link up
>They're doing bench presses with a cleaning rod with an AK trunnion on either side
>Little guy getting swole
>"Who was that?" Tiff asks
>"Crimson Caravan. They left a truck for us to run these guns down south for them."
>"So we are leaving?"
>"Looks like it."
>"Finally!"
>"What, is my shop not nice enough for you?" I tease

>When the time comes, we've got the LMTV backed up to the loading docks 
>Pallet jack made it a breeze to load the order into the trucks bed
>Ratchet straps to make sure nothing shifts around in the bed
>Get some supplies together for the road
>Load our gear into the truck
>I've got my ALICE pack as usual
>Tiff has my old Mystery Ranch SATL pack
>Also got her a plate carrier
>Crye Precision JPC 2.0, set up similarly to mine, minus the hentai patch on the front
>Also pouches for her PPS-43
>Her own belt set up for my CZ-p09 I gave her
>Also took a liking to my M16 clone with a triangle handguard and a dust cover that said "shoot fast" on the outside and "eat ass" on the inside
>Or rather, it started as an M16 clone, and then one day I got bored
>Piston gas system, top of the line internals, four stage selector switch, ambi selector switch
>Safe, single shot, three round burst, and full auto
>Had plenty of magazines for it, from aesthetic twenty rounders and thirty round stanags, to some Vietnam SOCOM magazine clones
>Let her pick out whatever magazines she likes
>Tiger stripe BDU's with a /k/ube patch on the shoulder
>Patch with the shops name and logo on the other shoulder
>Stripes seem to enunciate her feminine features
>Nice
>I'm wearing a matching uniform, but done up like the Army used to do with the Cross Sabers on the lapel
>Got my Selous Scouts pin on the other side
>Bringing my Rhodie FAL and an M320 with us
>Grab my Enfield, because why not?
>Plenty of 7.62×51 NATO, .303 British, 5.56, 9mm, and 40mm grenades of various types
>The crew even whipped up some sabot rounds for the 320
>Got our packs and a cooler full of food stuffed onto the gunner seat
>Small grill and a bag of charcoal in the back to cook with
>Also got a shitload of business cards and posters to post around for the shop
>Teach Tiff how to start the LMTV
>Just realized I haven't taught her how to drive yet
>We'll burn that bridge when we come to it
>Say goodbyes and get on the road
>The fairies fly us out a small signal mirror
>Chatter at us and wave as they flutter back to the shop
>Fire up the truck and Tiff turns on my speaker 
>Road trip time

>At night we camp next to the truck, or sleep in the cab when it rains
>Crimson Caravan really takes good care of their trucks
>This is the only military vehicle I've been in that doesn't leak when it rains
>Grill steaks and burgers for dinner
>Hunt our lunches
>Eggs, bacon, sausages, biscuits and gravy for breakfasts
>Comfy
>Occasionally drive-by some goblins along the roads
>Yeet
>Crimson Caravan has outposts along the routes every couple hundred miles, so we can refuel without issue
>Or so we thought
>We're getting down to about a quarter tank as we crest a hill
>See smoke in the air
>Better not be another orc army or some shit like that
>Follow the road to what was technically an outpost
>Place is trashed now
>Hesco barriers blown to shit
>Guard towers are now smoldering platforms on stilts
>Half a dozen scorched trucks
>Looks like a salvaging operation to me
>Pull the truck through the now missing gate
>Park behind some Hesco barriers
>Dismount with my FAL
>Tiff grabs the M16 and climbs out
>Scan around the couple of buildings
>No bodies
>All of the outposts are built pretty much the same, so we have a decent idea of what building is what
>Stack up on the door to the main building
>Officer housing and tactical operations center
>Dorm rooms in disarray, trashed comms equipment, tables flipped
>Bullet casings everywhere
>No blood from any parties involved though
>Next building is the enlisted barracks
>Same story
>Trashed rooms, bullet casings, no blood
>Third building is the chow hall and recreation building
>Swing the door open and scan around the room
>Pool tables on their sides or upside down, televisions laying on the floor, pool sticks now splinters of wood where they had fallen free of the door handles
>"Looks like a last stand," Tiff says
>"But where are the fucking bodies?"
>We push open another set of double doors into the cafeteria
>Way more bullet casings on the floor in here
>"Looks like they fell back here and barricaded themselves in with the tables," I say
>Tiff nods
>Hear a sound from the kitchen
>Like a can rolling across the floor
>We shoulder our rifles instinctively
>I take point with Tiff behind and to the side
>Swing open the doors into the kitchen
>Hear a loud thud
>Pivot to where the sound came from
>Freezer
>We stack up on the door
>I reach over to the handle
>Swing it open and a burst of gun fire comes through the doorway
>Then a click
>"Shit shit shit shit," comes a voice from inside
>Push my FAL to the side on its sling and draw my shotgun
>"You mind not shooting us?" I call into the freezer
>I hear a gasp 
>"Hello?"
>"W-who's out there?"
>"Uhh, I'm Anon, we were supposed to stop to refuel here. Do you know what happened here?"
>"They came and took everybody," the voice answers
>"Who took everybody?" Tiff asks
>"I-I don't know. I wasn't here."
>"You mind coming out? It's perfectly safe, we just cleared the other buildings."
>I hear their stomach let out a loud rumble
>"We have food, if you want some," I offer
>"O-okay," they say
>"We'll step away from the freezer, if that makes you feel better," I say and step back away from the door
>Tiff and I step over to the doors to the kitchen
>A head pokes out of the freezer, looking around and scanning with what looks like an Italian Sites Spectre M4 with a fifty round casket magazine
>Noice
Wait, am I gay for not noticing the girl first?
>She's wearing a pair of black cargo shorts, a black tight fit tank top, and a chest rig around her midsection with several more fifty round Spectre magazines in it
>Not sure how the magazines clear her bust, though
>And those are some thicc thighs
>Nice jet black feathers too
>Wait, feathers?
>Oh neat, a harpy
>"It's perfectly safe now, come on, let's get you some food," Tiff says, coaxing out the bird girl
>The harpy slowly steps out of the freezer
>I holster my mare's leg and give a small wave
>She lowers her Spectre and waves back as her stomach rumbles again
>"So, what's your name?" Tiff asks
>"I'm Hannah," she says with a small smile
>We head back to the LMTV and dig out some food
>It's about dinner time anyway
>We try to get information out of the harpy as we cook
>Turns out she's a traveling merchant that stopped by to make some coin and maybe get a place to sleep
>She was almost here when she heard a lot of guns going off
>She flew over to see what the racket was, thinking it was goblins or orcs
>She pauses for a bit, listening intently to the steaks sizzling on the grill
>"I didn't even know what the fuck I was looking at, at first. I went a little lower and that's when it damn hit me. Giant damn rat people."
>"Rat people?" I ask as I flip the steaks
>"Y'know, skavens, big rat niggers. Like fucking furries or some damn degenerate shit."
>Kek internally about a bird person cursing furries
>Remember, kids, the difference between an animal girl and a furry is the snout
>"The skaven were too damn busy with the Crimson Caravan to even notice me. They were dragging the guys out of the buildings, eating their own damn dead, even cleaning the blood up off the ground," she says with a shudder
>"The ones that weren't busy raided the damn kitchen. Nothing left in there but damn empty cans."
>I scoop the three rare steaks onto some plastic trays and serve them out
>"I flew away and hid in some damn trees until it was all over. If it weren't for you two showing up, I probably would have starved."
>"We're glad we could help, but we don't have enough fuel to make it to the next outpost, or even the next town," Tiff says
>"And the radio equipment is riddled with bullets, so we can't exactly call the Crimson Caravan."
>"Hello? Who is this?"
>I jump and draw my pistol, aiming at the cab of the LMTV
>Someone snuck into the cab
>They're stealing my cigarettes
>I shouldn't have left the door open
>"Mr. Anon? Was that you?"
>Wait, Allie?
>Walk to the cab
>Signal mirror sitting on the gunner stand, halfway jammed underneath my ruck
>With none other than the high elf Allie's face looking confused as hell in it
>Grab the mirror
>"Hey, sorry, Allie, I must have pocket dialed you. But since you're here, there's a bit of a situation."
>"N-no! I mean, it's alright!"
>She fixes her hair a bit and clears her throat
>"What's the situation?"
>I explain what's going on and that we don't have the fuel to make it to the next outpost, and that the fueling station here is a smoldering mess of scrap metal
>"Fuck! You're sure it was skaven? We'd have to send a battalion to deal with them."
>"I'm not very fond of the idea of just sitting here waiting, Allie."
>"Neither would I, but they're hard to kill and breed almost as quickly as goblins."
>"All the more damn reason to get us the hell out of here," Hannah declares
>"Who was that?"
>"When we got here, we found a harpy scavenging for food," I answer. "She's the one that filled us in on the situation."
>"Alright, I'll contact the closest outposts and get a convoy with a fueler out to your location as soon as I can. Stay safe, Anon."
>Then she hung up on us
>"Looks like we're staying here for the night. When we're done eating, let's move the truck around back and keep watch from the roof."
>"I think someone has a little crush, Anon," Tiff says with a smug grin
>The two girls giggle and tease me for a minute or two
>Then Tiff drops a bombshell
>"It's alright if she does, Anon, I don't mind," she says with a wink
>Hannah's face flushes red
>/K/ube help me

>Within the hour we have the LMTV parked in the back of the compound, facing a section of T wall barriers along the perimeter
>Couple of Tunneling Charges on the T walls in case we have to bounce out 
>Find enough random shit around to mix up some thermite
>Combine with an empty can of beans, a Ziploc baggy, and some gas that I siphoned out of a lawn mower, and we have a directional fire bomb
>Only enough materials to make one, though
>But it's better than using one more of my legit explosives
>Rig it up with some matches and a length of paracord guts
>Still set some Fire Wire's along the main avenues of approach
>Once content with the security, do some more digging around the compound
>Janitors closet yielded some name brand cleaning chemicals
>I think we all know where this is going
>Find a bucket and another empty can
>Fill the bucket with bleach, and the can with ammonia
>Suspend the can over the bucket
>If the Chemical Kommando taught us anything, it's that a little goes a long way
>This is a hundred times too much for the room it's set up in
>Fuck it
>Whatever comes through will definitely be dead

>Set up on the roof as the sun sets with my Enfield, complete with era accurate scope
>Tiff has my M16 with a suppressor on the end of the barrel
>Hannah has her Spectre
>She turns on a flashlight
>Tiff covers the beam of the light with her hand
>"No light, we're not even here right now," Tiff says
>That's my girl
>Hannah switches off the light. "Then how the hell are we supposed to see them if they come?"
>Tiff pulls her NODs out of their pouch
>Hannah's face lights up
>"You guys have damn night vision gear?!"
>"Wanna try it on?"
>"Hell! Yes!"
>Hannah pulls the Crye Nightcap on and adjusts it to her head, flipping the NODs down and powering them on
>"Woooooow!" She says with childlike enthusiasm
>"These are damn awesome!"

>The three of us sit on the roof talking quietly for another half hour before Tiff yawns
>"You two can get to sleep, I'll take first watch," I say
>Tiff nods and opens up her pack, pulling out my Rhodesian brushstroke woobie and lays it on the ground, pulling her pack over to her for a pillow
>I sit behind the sandbag fighting position on the roof and scan the tree line for the next couple of hours until it's Tiff's shift

>I get about an hour of sleep before my foot gets jerked to the side
>Sit up and feel one of Tiff's fingers against my lips in the pitch black night
>Put on my Peltors and bump helmet and flip down the NODS
>Peek over the edge
>Fifteen or so hulking black shapes scurrying about the tree line and the road
>Crouch down and silently make my way over to Hannah, who is asleep wrapped up in her wing arm thingies
>Gently shake her shoulder
>She opens her eyes in the darkness
>"Anon? What damn time is it?"
>Cup her mouth with my hand
>"They're here," I say as silently as I can into her ear
>She scrambles to her feet
>Tiff starts firing her M16
>"I'm sorry! They heard me! I'm sorry!"
>I grab my Enfield and a bandolier of clipped ammunition and shove it into her hands
>Give her my M320 and a bandolier of grenades
>She throws the bandoliers over her shoulders, slings the Enfield, and stuffs the 320 into one of the straps of her chest rig
>"You're CAS now, hit the trees and rain hell!"
>"How am I gonna see them?"
>As if on que, the Fire Wire across the entrance sets several skaven ablaze and lights up the compound
>"I could use some help over here!"
>Hannah takes flight and I rush to Tiff and start shooting with my FAL
>"I count forty, Anon!"
>"Not for long!"
>I fire three shots into the chest of the nearest skaven
>It stumbles but keeps coming
>"Okay, maybe a bit longer than I'd like!"
>Hannah lands in a particularly tall tree on the other side of the road
>Fumbles with the 320 a bit before popping the tube open and sliding in a grenade
>Please don't be a sabot
>Thunk
>The 40mm projectile arches towards a cluster of skavens
>A white cloud envelopes them when it strikes the dirt road beneath their feet
>The white phosphorus does its job as the skaven stumble out of the cloud, clawing at their faces as their fur smolders
>The gunfire must have alerted the nest as more and more of the rats come running out of the treeline
>Hannah is launching grenades as quickly as she can, flying in archs over the skaven and firing, landing in trees to reload
>The skaven reach my thermite fire bomb, detonating it
>A half dozen of the rats are sprayed with flaming gasoline
>They just keep coming
>Like they don't care that we have fire superiority
>Or that the small court yard is full of booby traps
>They push through the flames and bullets
>Tiff drops her M16 and stands up
>"What are you doing?!"
>I yell as she extends her hands out in front of her
>She's muttering something but not even my Peltors can pick up the words over the gunfire and rat screams
>Her horns start to glow 
>A small flame forms in front of her hands
>The flame extends forward and takes the shape of a dragons head
>She moves her arms to direct the flame
>Reminds me of the big firework from the start of The Lord of the Rings
>The "dragon" flies around the courtyard and pushes its way through the hoard
>Through the gate and onto the road doing long loops between the barriers and the tree line
>The screams of the burning skaven echo in the night
>Hannah is clinging to the top of a tree watching the pyro
>The flame starts to flicker and I glance at Tiff
>Her glowing horns are dimming
>The flaming dragon dies and vanishes
>Tiff collapses against the sandbags in front of her
>I rush to her and pick her up, leaning her against me
>Hannah yells from her tree as she takes flight
>"The damn rats are running away!"
>Tiff looks up at me
>"How do ya like them apples?"
>Gives me a toothy grin
>"And where was that with the spiders, huh?"
>I tease back
>"Just in time!" 
>Hannah lands next to us, pointing down the road
>I look up to see headlights in the distance
>The faint tune of God is a Serb sounding over the engines of the convoy
>An assortment of old and new Toyota trucks and military trucks pull into a semi circle between the compound and the woods
>Spotlights search the woods for skaven
>Bursts of machine gun fire ring out from time to time
>We make our way down to the courtyard
>Take apart the bleach and ammonia bucket trap when we get to it
>Double tap the bodies on our way
>A drow jumps out of the back of a Hilux and meets us halfway
>Toting an M60 and wearing an IOTV
>Has a DickButt patch on the Velcro square where a rank would go
>"You Anon?"
>"The one and only," I say, pulling off my helmet
>I clip it to my plate carrier and pull on my Stetson
>"Yeah, I was told to look for the hat," the drow says with a chuckle
>"Looks like we arrived just in time!"
>The drow motions to the smoldering rat bodies
>"Yeah, we were in a bit of a tight spot. We were expecting to just refuel here, but now it seems were fairly behind schedule."
>"Don't worry about that, boss made an exception due to the circumstances. At least they were just feral woods skavens. Big city sewer skavens are much worse!"
>"Worst part about skaven is that you can't eat the bodies!" 
>An ork manning a dual M2 turret on the bed of the Hilux calls over to us
>Vehicle crews start working on bringing crates and tough boxes into the compound
>An ork is pushing the bodies out with a snow shovel
>A pair of elves carrying a 240 and a tripod sprint past us
>A couple of humans with Cheytac Interventions walk by
>"These guys are gonna hold down the fort until dawn when we can better organize and track down the rats nest. You... Three? I was told there would just be two. Either way, we'll be escorting you to the next checkpoint."
>"Sounds good. We've got the truck around back."
>"No rush. We'll be moving out in about twenty minutes."
>Tiff and I retrieve our packs, disarm the ordinance that was left over, and load up the truck with Hannah in tow
>We're towards the end of the convoy
>Two trucks behind us and five in front
>A handful of trucks stayed at the compound
>The rest of the trip goes by uneventfully

>We arrive at our final destination
>A large outpost nearby an exponentially larger city
>The hesco barriers of the compound greatly contrasting against the intricate stone walls of the elven city
>We pull the LMTV into the parking lot behind our escort Humvee
>A drow comes rushing out to ground guide us to where they want the goods dropped off
>As soon as I set the parking break I hear the tailgate drop
>Push open the door and see a pair of large golems pulling the crates out of the truck bed
>One of them has a DSHK slung across his back
>Glad we don't have to unload it ourselves
>The three of us grab our gear and climb out of the truck
>Got our extra rifles secured to the sides of our packs
>Spot Allie coming out of a nearby building with a clipboard in her hand
>Hopefully she doesn't want us to read off all the serial numbers
>"Anon! I'm so glad you're alright! We've got a detachment on their way to deal with the skaven right now!"
>As if on queue, a pair of MH-6 Little Birds fly over head in the direction we came from
>Boots dangling from the sides and miniguns glinting in the sun light
>"Don't worry about a thing, those boys will have it well under control!"
>"That's good to hear. I see you've got plenty of manpower to unload everything, do you need anything else from us?"
>"No, I believe that's all. I'm sure you're tired after your ordeal! We've got spare cots somewhere, if you'd like, or there are inns in the city."
>Look at Tiff and Hannah
>Tiff looks up at me
>"The city sounds nice," she says
>"I guess we'll find an inn for the night then. Probably head out in a few days as well. It was a pleasure doing business with the Crimson Caravan, Allie, call anytime you need anything!"

>Tiff, Hannah, and I start making our way towards the massive gate down the road
>Get a ride from a pair of elves in a wagon
>Thank the /k/ube because the city wasn't nearby
>It was just fuckhuge
>Get stopped by the guards at the gate
>Guards check the wagon
>Have us standing off to the side
>"Looking for anything in particular, boss?"
>"Just the current procedure, sir. We've had a few incidents the last couple of weeks."
>Does every city on this side have some whack ass shit going on?
>"What kind of incidents?"
>"I'm not at liberty to share details, but I'm sure you'll all be perfectly safe, sir. Enjoy your visit."
>The guards step away from the wagon and raise the barred gate for us to enter
>Climb back into the wagon and head in
>The two elves at the front excitedly pointing out all of the sites to their new visitors
>It's quite a sight
>Marble walls everywhere
>Intricate carvings and statues of elves as far as the eye can see
>All sorts of elven restaurants
>And an Applebee's
>"Anon, what's that?"
>"Uh, it's from my world, but I've never eaten at an Applebee's before."
>Eventually get dropped off near a cluster of inns
>Get a room
>Lots of off looks, but that's to be expected when traveling with a red skinned demon spawn
>Drop our packs and gear off in the room
>Keep our belts on
>Get a bag of coins out of my pack and tie it off to my belt
>Head back out into the streets and start to explore
>Have a blast checking out the various shops
>Stop for lunch at an elf restaurant
>Outdoor seating on a balcony on the third floor
>Spaghetti
>All of the elves around us are shoveling down spaghetti like they haven't eaten in weeks
>Tiff really likes the spaghetti too, but the elves are something else
>She finishes her second plate before I finish my first
>Stretches and looks around
>Does a double take at something down on the street
>Her eyes light up
>Literally
>They are not glowing the same silvery color as her irises
>"Hannah, take me down to the street!"
>"What?"
>Tiff sprints to the edge of the balcony and vaults over the railing
>N-nani?!
>"What the fuck?!"
>Hannah sprints over and follows her
>Catches Tiff by her shoulders and lowers her to the ground
>I rush to the railing and see them jogging down the street 
>I watch them disappear into a store
>Turn around
>Elves with spaghetti hanging out of their mouths are all staring at me
>"What?"
>Sit back down and wait for the bill

>No idea where they wandered off to
>Back down on the street walking in the direction they took off in
>Take a seat on a bench in a small park with a fountain in the middle
>Light up a cigarette
>Halfway through the smoke I hear wings flutter and something soft on the back of my head
>Look up to see a pair of crimson horns and a raven girl perched on the backrest of the bench
>"What the hell was that about?"
>"You'll see later," Tiff says with a giggle
>She snags the cigarette from my mouth and takes a puff
>Hands it back to me
>Stand up and face her
>She's holding a brown paper bag behind her back
>"Whatcha got there?"
>"I said you'll find out later, Anon!"
>"Alright then. You two ready to head back to the inn?"

>Walking back to the inn 
>Hear a scream
>Not my business
>I'm not a cop
>Hear another couple of screams
>Not my pig, not my farm
>There are plenty of guards in the city
>Here an explosion
>Fuck
>"Anon, are we gonna go check that out?"
>I sigh
>"Yeah, might as well."
>Pick up a jog in the direction of the commotion
>Take a back alleyway as a shortcut
>"Go back to Lokelech, daemon bitch!"
>Turn to see an elf swinging a rapier at Tiff
>Everything slows down for me
>Tiff is drawing her CZ
>Hannah is still registering what's happening
>Close the distance while drawing my kukri
>Swing the blade upward and knock the elf's rapier away
>"Cultist pigs!"
>He yells as he swings the sword at me this time
>Step forward and grab his forearm with my left hand
>Push him against the wall
>Slam sword hand against the wall a few times
>He drops it
>Swing around and roll him onto the ground
>Kick the rapier down the alley
>"You're all going to die! You're all gonna get what's coming to you!"
>Guards come rushing down the alleyway
>Lead guard orders us to drop our weapons
>"Sir, these aren't the ones! They rolled in this morning with the Crimson Caravan, I checked their cart myself!"
>Its the guard from the gate
>Thank the /k/ube
>I don't think we have enough ammo to get out of this one
>"What happened here?"
>"We were heading towards the screams to see if we could help, and this guy jumped out and attacked us," Tiff explains
>"And how were you going to help?"
>"For starters we could help catch the guys responsible. Besides that, Tiefling blood can heal wounds," Tiff says proudly

>Despite her insisting, our help was denied and the guards went back to their duties
>Tiff seemed down the whole walk back to the inn
>Still clutching that brown bag like it's filled with gold or something
>When we got back she stuffed it down into her pack
>If it's important, I'll find out sooner or later
>First I gotta work on cheering her up
>"Wanna go get a drink?"
>Head downstairs to the bar and order some beers
>Take a sip
>Remember that this is an elf city so the alcohol isn't very strong
>An hour later the three of us have good buzzes going
>Just sitting around bullshitting
>Tiff has her stool pulled over to sit against me
>Has her tail wrapped around my waist
>Rubbing my crotch with it now and then
>"What the hell was it that elf said? 'Go back to Lokelech?' What even is that?"
>"Aren't you from there?" Hannah asks with her head on the table
>The alcohol is clearly hitting her the hardest
>"No, my village doesn't even have a name. It's way up north and Anon was the first outsider most of us had ever seen."
>"Lokelech is the damn biggest Tiefling settlement on the whole damn continent. It's a dead volcano with a city built in the basin. It's fucking massive."
>"I was told that there weren't that many Tieflings around," I say
>"Well, there aren't that many Tieflings around outside of Lokelech. Most of them are very damn defensive and slow to trust outsiders, because of the damn attempted genocides by elves, the slavery by the drows, and a bunch of other stuff about being daemons and demon spawn. But that was all damn centuries ago. Hardly anybody not involved even remembers."
>"I'd bet they stay locked up because a lot of them remember," Tiff says cryptically
>"What does that mean?" I ask
>"We can live for centuries, Anon. We hit like twenty and then plateau for a while and then start to age again. We never talked about this?"
>"No, not that I can remember."
>"How old do you think I am?"
>"I just kinda figured you were like twenty two or something?"
>"Anon, baby, I'm sixty seven."
>Hannah gasps
>"You lived in that tiny village for sixty seven years? You never left once?"
>"Well, no, everyone said that the world was too dangerous for us to leave. Like I said, you're the first outsider I've ever met."
>This has been an enlightening evening

>After another hour of drinking we call it a night
>Tiff and I crash out on one bed while Hannah pulls the sheets of the other bed together to make a nest

>Stay another few days in the city
>Elf soldiers eventually found the culprits behind the attacks
>Some goblins living in the sewers
>Once they figured out it wasn't just anti-elf terrorists or something, it was a quick mop up
>Hannah says she'll keep traveling with us for a while
>Still don't know what's in that bag Tiff has
>Checks it everytime she leaves and comes back to see if it was tampered with
>Better not be drugs
>If it is, she better share
>Picked up some more recent maps of the region and one of the continent
>Draw in some of the stuff from the old maps I looted from the goblin cave when I first got here
>Can't find Lokelech on any of these maps though
>Maybe elves just try to pretend Tieflings don't exist
>My best guess is this big basin in the south west of the continent
>Gonna be quite a journey 
>Head out to the Crimson Caravan compound and get a map of their outposts just in case
>Closest one is still a few days travel from basin
>Should probably find some form of transportation
>Maybe a wagon, since I don't feel like going back to the shop for my truck
>Yeah, get a few horses and a nice wagon
>Stock it with plenty of food and supplies
>Restock at a few of these little towns along the way
>There seems to be a fairly straight series of roads along the way
>And then a couple of days travel after the roads end
>Work my land nav magic to guesstimate the distance
>Do some math to determine it will be about a two and a half week journey
>Not terrible, I suppose
>But it would seriously suck if it's just some random basin and not Lokelech or something cool

>Share the plan with the girls
>They're both open to the idea
>Also both skeptical that we'll have the money to last the trip
>They also bring up the possibility that it isn't there
>Well there's only one way to find out and maybe the real Lokelech is the friends we make along the way
>Spend the next few days tracking down a pair of horses and a wagon
>Buy a bunch of salted meats and a couple barrels of water
>Most importantly, plenty of bacon
>If we run out of bacon, the journey is lost
>Had to do some odd jobs to cover all of it
>Fairly low on coin by the time we're ready to get moving
>But, nonetheless, we get on our way

>Few days go by uneventfully
>Teach the girls how to play eye spy
>Hannah likes to fly up into the air to spot things that Tiff and I can't see, to guarantee she wins
>Tiff gets sick of this pretty quick
>Hannah's turn again
>Gets ready to take flight
>Tiff wraps her tail around Hannah's bird foot
>Yanks her back down into the wagon
>Grumpy raven girl is now forced to pick objects in plain view

>Towards evening we see smoke in the distance
>Ah fuck, is this about to be another bullshit random encounter?
>Crest the last little hill between us and the smoke
>Thank the /k/ube, it's just chimneys
>Looks like a little frontier settlement
>Grab my binos from my pack
>Take a look
>Settlement is oval shaped with palisades and gates made from wood logs, the tops sharpened to points
>Buildings look kind of Japanese in shape
>But made of more western materials, like stone and turf
>I can see things moving around down there
>Really short and can't really tell what they are, even with the binos
>The village isn't on the maps either
>Could be a somewhat new settlement
>Might as well check it out and see if we can get a room for the night
>Get the horses moving again and approach the settlement
>Stop in front of the gate
>"Hey you! Who you?"
>"Hello? I'm Anon?"
>Tiff climbs up to the bench from inside the wagon
>"Monster! Not fren! Call big fren!"
>Gate gets lifted open after a few minutes
>Fucking kobolds forming a semi circle with an oni in the center
>He's gotta be seven feet tall, has a horn growing out of his forehead, and is wearing a kilt and wielding a machete
>He starts walking up to us all dramatic like
>I put my hand on my FAL behind the seat
>He stops at the horses 
>"Y'all need directions?"
>"Uuuh, we were hoping we'd maybe be able to get a place to rest for the night?"
>Hannah pokes her head out to see 
>The oni glances between the three of us before his eyes settle on Tiff
>"Oh, you are just chock full if him, aren't you?"
>Well, when Tieflings only ovulate for like two days every two months, it'd be a shame if she wasn't 
>But still
>"How could you tell?"
>"How could I not? It's practically radiating off of her! I'm surprised she doesn't have hooves!"
>I don't think we're talking about the same thing anymore
>"Wait, what are we talking about?"
>"You don't know? Ever look at her and notice she looks kind of like an elf and kind of like.... Something else?"
>"Well, yeah, bu-"
>"That something else decided to give here a pretty damn good sized reserve of dark mana energy!"
>"And what does that have to do with anything?"
>"Well, if nothing has come of it yet, it'll probably be just fine. It takes a lot of work to get as attuned to picking up on this stuff as I am, and she doesn't look as pure blooded as she might be, so I'd just put it on the back burner."
>What the fuck is this dude on about?
>"Anyway, where are my manners? We've got stables for your horses and a room or two for you. Just don't cause any trouble."
>The oni turns and walks back to the kobolds
>Throws his arms in the air and shouts
>"They be frens!"
>The kobolds erupt in applause and a chorus of repeating 'frens!'
>A kobold leads us to the stables and I get the harnesses off the horses
>Grab our packs and get led to a spare hut
>"This guest house! For frens that come to visit!"
>Opens door for us
>Room is like five feet tall
>"Nice and comfy here, frens! Never have complaints from guest house!"
>I dig out a few coins for the kobold
>Happily takes them and leaves
>We crouch down and get settled in
>My ALICE is taller than the table
>At least the bed is comfortable

>Later on in the evening I step outside to smoke
>The sun is just above the horizon
>Oni comes over to me
>"I thought I smelled something burning."
>"Gotta get my fix, you know?"
>"I just stick to booze. Anon, right?"
>"Yeah, you?"
>"You wouldn't be able to pronounce it. Nobody ever can."
>I nod understandingly
>There are some dudes in the Army with whack ass unpronounceable names
>"Where are you heading to?"
>"We're going to Lokelech. You ever been?"
>The oni shakes his head 
>"No, it isn't often they let outsiders enter their walls. Especially not without an escort, but you've got a leg up on that bar, don't you?" He says with a chuckle
>I pull the map out of my pocket
>I should probably keep this in my pack or something
>"And am I correct to assume it's right here?"
>I ask, pointing to the basin on the map
>"Yeah, that's it alright. If you can get in there, get me some pictures, alright? I've got a spare camera you can take in the morning."
>My mouth drops a bit at the knowledge that he has anything from my world way out here
>Easily disguise dropped jaw by taking last puff of cigarette
>"I think I can manage some pictures, no problem."
>We give farewells and retire to our respective quarters
>I lay down next to Tiff
>Hannah somehow rigged my hammock up between the closet door and end of the bed
>I don't think that should hold but I'm afraid I'll will it into failing by acknowledging it too much
>Like Wile Coyote looking down when he runs off a cliff
>Anyway
>Share this new knowledge with the girls
>Both quite pleased that we have been going the right way and not just wandering towards a big hole in the ground
>Agree to head out at first light
>With that we all go to sleep
>I have some difficulty, thinking to myself what exactly the Oni had been talking about earlier today
>Part elf and part 'something else'
>It's clear he was talking about some kind of demon
>A glance at any Tiefling will make that quite obvious
>She doesn't look any more unique or alien than any other Fankasian resident
>'Chock full of him'?
>'Damn good sized reserve of dark mana energy?'
>Like how she was able to make that fire dragon back with the skaven?
>I'm sure we can find answers at Lokelech

>Wake up just before day break 
>The kobolds have a well so we top off our water 
>Get the horses in their harnesses and hooked up to the wagon
>Clear out the room and get situated in the wagon
>Oni comes by and tosses me a bag
>Unzip and peak inside
>An excellent condition digital Nikon camera
>Couple of spare memory chips
>Pair of big lenses
>"Where did you find this?"
>"One of your people came through a moon or two ago, wearing gear like yours, carrying a handful of them. He was carrying a big gun with a shiny belt dangling from the side. Traded me two for a meal and some supplies, before I ended up here."
>"Nice! Maybe we'll run into him out here?"
>"If you do, give him my regards."
>"Will do!"
>The kobolds are all gathered around, waving us off
>"Goodbye, frens! Visit again soon!"
>Kobolds are really polite
>Wish we'd stayed a bit longer

>The road ends after a few more miles away past the Kobold village
>Likely the result of a lack of traffic to and from Lokelech
>Check map
>Closest Crimson Caravan outpost is eight miles to the north
>Give or take, of course
>Should be another days travel before we reach the basin
>As long as we don't drift left or right too much
>Without the road, we could drift off and miss the basin entirely
>We could make better time if we had a truck
>Besides being faster, we wouldn't have to stop to feed and water the horses
>And with three people to drive, we could eat and rest and maintain a constant pace
>But the scenic route is more pleasant anyway
>I don't think a truck would be able to make it through these woods coming up, however
>It's been pretty open the last couple of days
>Just rolling plains with the occasional patch of trees
>But now we've got a pretty dense patch of woods coming up
>"Hey, Hannah, do you think you could fly out there and see about scouting a route for us?"
>"What's in it for me?" She asks sarcastically
>"Being able to sit on your ass the whole trip seems like a plus, doesn't it?"
>"Ugh, you're no damn fun," she says as she gets up
>Slips on her chest rig and grabs her Spectre
>Monkey swings herself on one of the ribs of the wagon cover up into the air
>Keep a steady pace towards the woods while Hannah flies up and down the tree line
>After a few minutes she starts flying in high loops
>I guess that's the signal
>Steer the horses off to the left

>A few minutes pass and the wagon is stopped at a gap in the trees
>The trunks are plenty far enough apart for the wagon to pass through
>But the canopies of the trees are so thick that it's near pitch black inside
>I check the map again
>It shouldn't take more than a few hours to get through, and we have plenty of day light to get through the woods before dusk
>But if something happens we'd be stuck on the ground
>Hannah wouldn't be able to fly high enough to be terribly effective
>Too dense for grenades
>Pretty close fighting for my FAL
>Pros vs Cons
>We've got three people to fight
>We've all got sub guns of some sort, plus side arms
>Night vision since it's so dark
>I dig my NODs out of my pack and grip the reigns
>As we enter the woods, we notice the silence first
>There's nothing making any kind of noise in here
>Not even the wind can penetrate the woods
>I draw my kukri and reach the blade over to a nearby tree
>An outlier, standing two feet closer than the rest of the trees
>I swing my arm downward, making a large gash in the bark 
>The chunks of bark scatter to the ground as the tree starts slowly seeping sap from its new wound
>No magic bullshit here
>But still
>This quiet reminds me of something
>A hot night of missiles falling
>A cold evening 
>Snow on the ground
>I slow the horses to a halt
>I close my eyes and listen
>My mind still races
>The NODs near inaudible hum drowning out everything
>I flip their switch and place them in my open pack behind the bench
>My hand naturally moves to the MP5 beside me
>Concentrate
>What is it?
>Something darting through the snow
>No
>It isn't snow this time
>And I'm not on a mountain anymore
>It couldn't have been snow
>I hear it again
>My tinnitus picks up
>All I hear now over the deafening silence is a deafening ring
>Now is not the fucking time, you cruel bitch
>Think, if it's not snow, what the hell was it?!
>It finally dawns on me
>It was the leaves
>I grab my MP5 and fire a burst into the canopy with one hand, whipping the reins with my other
>A barrage of arrows and short spears falling to the earth around us
>Tiff and Hannah are shooting as well
>A cacophony of calibers sure to leave our ears filled with cotton for hours
>I have both hands on the reins now
>My MP5 running empty what felt like an eternity ago
>Normally I'd have no problem making a stand and fighting
>But I have the girls with me
>I can't let them get taken
>My mind flashes to the tents in that cave
>The stench of rot, of bile, of my vomit
>I nearly vomit on myself as Tiff stands on the bench beside me
>Firing over my head and pivoting around
>Hannah firing from the back of the wagon
>I dread every reload
>What I can see of the path ahead, I see through the muzzle blast of Tiff's PPS-43
>If she runs dry or jams, we very well risk crashing into a tree
>I can barely hear the gunfire anymore
>Just the rhythmic hum of my tinnitus 
>I'm sure the girls feel the same
>The wagon thumps
>I swing my kukri hard to my left side on instinct alone
>Something splatters on my face
>Another thump
>But this time hard on my side
>I'm hit by something on my other side just as hard
>I'm falling
>I'm rolling
>I can't breath 
>The girls gunfire fading into the distance
>It disappears with something being slipped over my head
>They got away
>Please /k/ube may they have gotten away
>I had just barely gotten my breath back when I feel my arms get pulled behind my back
>Something hard comes down on my head

>I awaken to cold water being thrown on my face, drenching my clothes and chilling me to the bone
>Something cold presses hard against my temple
>I can barely feel it over the ache in my bones from my fall and tumble
>I open my eyes and, through a blood filled eye, see a crooked green nose, attached to a rather tall goblin with a ragged scar across his face from a long ago wound that took his left eye with it
>An assortment of gold and silver rings adorn the one ear he has left
>He presses what I know realize is the barrel of my MP5 against my temple again
>Shoots out a hand and punches me in the throat
>I cough hard in his face and he backhands me across mine
>Grabs me by my hair and lifts my head to face him again
>"You trespass! You bring army to kill! But you fail! Become prisoner! Will know pain beyond dreams! Make you look like me!"
>He lets go if my hair and slaps me again
>Swings a cane into my ribs
>The pain making it quite obvious that I've been stripped of my equipment
>He turns on a heel and my eyes follow him as he leaves the room
>Tigerstripe
>I look down at my body
>Barefoot, pants, no shirt
>Bruises from my capture staining purple splotches across my skin, and a long welt from the goblins cane already forming on my side
>I strain my neck to examine the room
>Some sort of volcanic rocks for walls, wood beams across the ceiling, a dirty stone floor
>And a goblin sitting behind an M240b, set up on its bipod, aimed directly at me
>This is a difficult situation
>But at least the girls got away
>My beautiful Tiefling and eccentric harpy companion 
>They'll find a way to help
>I know they will
>But for now they're safe
>Thank the /k/ube they're safe

>Coming for me or not, I need to get out of here
>Whatever I can do from the inside to help their rescue mission
>I wiggle my wrists against my binds
>Some sort of fiber rope
>Natural, not synthetic
>That makes it a bit easier
>Feel with my fingers what I'm secured to
>My hands are numb, but I can tell by glancing to the sides that it's a stone pillar 
>There are three more pillars to my right and two more to my left
>I slowly rub my hands up and down the edge of the pillar
>It's not much, but it's something
>The goblin is watching me intently
>"What doing?!"
>"My arm is just itchy, I'm scratching it against the pillar. Is that okay?"
>"Hmmm, fine. No move too much though."
>"No problem."
>I lose myself in my work
>"Why still scratch? You scratch too much! Stay still!"
>"Alright, alright, no more scratching."
>I've got some feeling back in my hands
>I start to pick at the binds
>Peeling little by little of the fiber away from its braid
>They get looser and looser as I work
>I stop a little short, to ensure my arms won't spring out and reveal my new secret
>I turn my head to the goblin
>My eyes fall upon the crew served weapon before him
>"Hey, what kind of gun is that?"
>"This big dakka! Make minced meat out of you!" He says with a cackle
>"Do you know who made it?"
>"Who care? It mine now! Take from hooman I kill!"
>The photographer the Oni mentioned
>"Well, if I might get killed by it, can't I know who built the gun?"
>"Hmmm, know name of kill helper?"
>"Sure, I'd just like to know."
>"Fine. Where name?"
>The gears are turning inside my head
>"It's on the inside. Is the charging handle pulled all the way back?"
>The goblin yanks the charging handle towards himself, easily slamming backwards
>It was already cocked
>"Up under the shoulder piece, just behind the grip, there's a little lever. Push it up and slide the shoulder piece straight upward. The label should be in there."
>"Label? No label. Label have words, no can read."
>"It should have a picture on it too, just describe the picture to me and I might be able to figure it out."
>The goblin fumbles a bit with the stock, but manages to get it off
>He looks inside, squinting hard
>"No see label. Maybe not made by hooman?"
>"If you can't see it, it might be stuck to the right side in there. Just slap the right side and it should flip right back out. It happens all the time with them."
>The goblin slaps it lightly a couple of times
>"It's a strong gun, it won't break. Go ahead and give it a good smack, be rough with it, man."
>"I give red skin good smack! Be rough with her! You think have red skin goblin cubs?" He says with another cackle
>My blood is boiling and my clear eye is turning as red as the blood filled one
>They have my woman
>Images of the tents flash through my head again
>But this time I don't feel sick
>I only feel rage
>The goblin rears his hand back and slaps the receiver with all of his tiny might
>It was just enough
>The drive spring rod comes free from its notch
>It shoots backwards into the goblins throat, puncturing the skin and silencing the end of his cackling
>He clutches the spring and falls limp on his stomach, head supported by the length of spring that is lodged in his neck
>I pull my arms hard and snap what little of the rope was left around my wrists
>There's a knock at the door
>"What that sound! Heard something!"
>I do my best to mimic the dead goblins voice
>"Hooman tell joke! This one lively for half dead hooman!"
>I rush to remove the spring from the goblins throat and reassemble the weapon
>Curiosity has me now
>I turn the crew served in my hands, the belt tinkling against the stone floor
>'Rally Arms Armament Co' emblazoned on the side of the receiver
>"Want hear joke! Hooman tell joke again!"
>I stand, swinging the belt over my left arm and grabbing the bipod for support
>"What's green and red and twitches on the floor?"
>"What!?"
>I fire a burst through the door
>Step forward and kick it open, breaking the dead bolt from the rotting wood
>I glance at the spasming goblin
>Heh
>Heh heh
>Heh heh heh
>The laughing doesn't stop
>I don't even realize how much I'm laughing
>I start my rampage down the torch lit corridors
>Kicking in every door I come across
>Most contain a few panicked goblins
>They're all empty when I move to the next room
>The 240 jams constantly, unhappy with my short bursts
>Too short a burst can create a temperamental gun
>She wants to sing
>I kick a door at the end of the hallway
>It doesn't budge
>I send a burst through the handle
>Free of its lock, it swings open
>ALICE
>Not mine 
>Mine was in the escaping wagon
>I tear it open
>Several cans of 7.62×51mm real fuckin NATO, four ball to one tracer, linked in cartons
>I yank the wires free of the latches and dump the belts out of the cloth bandoliers and cardboard cartons
>Link them together to form two four hundred round belts, linking the final loose belt to the end of the loaded one
>If she wants to sing, who am I to deny her that right
>I emerge from the room, the two long belts draped over my shoulders, loaded belt partially wrapped around my left arm
>A quartet of goblins are rushing down the hallway with spears and knives
>I brace myself and squeeze the trigger
>If Tiff is calling for me, I definitely won't be able to hear her now
>I release the trigger and gaze upon my handiwork
>The four green skins are nothing but a pile of viscera
>I step over them and continue
>I come to a set of stairs leading up
>At the top of the stairs, an arrow wizzes past me
>Deflected by the belts dangling on my shoulders
>I sent a burst into the offending goblin
>Another interrupts our moment and is caught in the same burst that fell his friend
>The barrel of my long sold M240b is glowing orange, lighting my way, having past the point of needing replaced long ago
>I slaughter goblins as they come for what feels like an eternity
>I enter another room
>Empty, save for the skeletal remains of a man in green slumped in a corner
>A shattered camera in the center of the room, two halves still attached to a lanyard that once held it faithfully around his neck
>I lower my machine gun and kneel before the skeleton, offering a prayer to the /k/ube, and an oath of revenge in his name
>I leave the room and turn the corner
>Another burst of gun fire
>But not mine
>9mm rounds sending shards of stone flying around me
>This one doesn't get the mercy of my 240
>Something on the floor catches my eye
>A shard of the volcanic stone walls, as reflective as a mirror
>I gently pick it up and tilt it around the corner
>A wide eye and a crooked nose
>I swing the 240 around the corner and catch the approaching goblin commander in the midsection with the bright orange barrel 
>He lets out a hair splitting howl
>I kick him to the ground and plant my foot on the MP5 as he reaches for it, sliding it away into the room behind me
>Pressing the barrel again into his chest, I growl
>"WHERE. IS. SHE."
>The goblin speaks, but it doesn't matter, I couldn't even hear my own words
>"POINT!"
>The goblin points a shuddering arm down the hall, to the room at the end
>I reach down and grab the goblin by his good ear
>I can feel the flesh tear as I swing him against the wall
>I drop him and grab the bottom of the back of my tigerstripe shirt, swinging him upside down 
>He slides easily out of the oversized garment and lands unceremoniously on his face
>Plant my foot on his back and rest the 240's barrel beside it
>He claws madly at the floor in an attempt to escape the orange barrel searing his green skin black
>Tuck the top through my belt
>I stomp hard on the goblins head, feeling a sickening pop beneath my bare foot
>Retrieve my MP5 and stumble to the door
>It doesn't budge from my kick
>I bash the latch free from the wood with the stock of the 240
>My foot bringing much more fruitful results this time
>I'm blinded
>I duck back into the hallway and shield my eyes from the sunlight pouring in from the window across from the door
>I squint hard and turn back into the room
>A single wooden pillar stands in the room
>A bed to the side and a desk beside it
>Disgusting stains on the bed
>Tiff's and my own gear scattered on and beside the desk
>But no Tiff
>I scream in rage
>Something hits my leg
>I look down to see a jagged arrowhead protruding from just above my knee
>I turn and unload probably three hundred rounds down the hallway, turning a dozen goblins that had formed a half assed formation into a sickening pile of green and red mush
>The belt runs empty and I lurch forward from the lack of recoil
>I drop the 240, barrel now beyond fucked
>It's a miracle it lasted this long
>It's rust spotted receiver showing obvious signs of neglect
>The 240 is a good gun
>I pat the hot receiver with my hand as I shift onto my ass, sitting and staring down the hall
>I ready my MP5 for another wave
>Something wraps around my shoulders, causing the remaining belts rounds to dig into my neck
>It's familiar 
>A breath on my ear and softness on my back alerts me to exactly who it is
>Tears run down my face as I turn to embrace my Tiefling
>Falling on my back with her on top of me
>She's crying into my chest, mumbling something
>I wish I could hear something other than the machine guns' siren call
>She sits up and looks me over, still sobbing
>I reach up and caress her face
>She shifts and hits the arrow in my thigh, causing me to wince hard
>She spins around and grabs a tourniquet from my plate carrier, lifting my leg to apply it
>Grabs my kukri from my belt beside us and cuts her hand, blood quickly dripping down her fingers
>She holds them over my face and I open my mouth, catching a few drops as she squeezes the cut
>My wounds scream in pain as they reach across and stitch themselves
>Tiff pulls me to my feet and leans me against the desk
>Pulling the belts off my shoulders and letting them fall to the floor with an inaudible clunk
>She pulls my top from my belt and wraps it around me, helping me with the sleeves before helping me with the rest of my kit
>My plate carrier rubs against my tender healed wounds as we limp out of the fortress, killing any straggler goblins we come across
>Shield our eyes as we break out into the evening light, the sun sitting just above the horizon, the trees being thin enough that the light can penetrate without the canopy hindering it
>We limp our way to the edge of the forest, collapsing in the tall grass about fifty meters away
>Tiff puts a stick in my mouth and pushes the arrow the rest of the way through my thigh
>I crack the stick screaming through my gritted teeth and pass out

>When I come back to, I feel the gentle rocking of a wagon, and hear the rhythmic footfall of hooves and boots
>I stir and feel a cool hand on my forehead 
>"Shhhh, it's alright, don't move too much."
>I try to open my eyes but strain against the light of the rising sun
>I feel the familiar cool metal of my aviators sliding past my ears
>I open my eyes and blink a few times
>"How long was I out this time?"
>"Don't worry, it's only been a night," Tiff answers as she retrieved one of my nalgene bottles and presses it to my lips
>I take a few sips before I start to cough
>Tiff closes and puts down the bottle before reaching into the shoulder pocket of my top, laying neatly on top of my pack, and produces a pack of cigarettes 
>She gingerly fishes one out and places it between my lips, lighting it with a small flame from her hand
>"What happened while I was out?"
>"Hannah kept riding, right for Lokelech, and convinced a handful of guards to help her rescue us. I started a fire to keep you warm, and they spotted the flames. They picked us up a few hours ago, and we're on our way to the city. The guards are escorting us there."
>I strain to turn to see them, but Tiff pushes me back down 
>"You need to rest, Anon. Don't worry, you'll be able to greet them when we get there."
>I glance out the back of the wagon
>The greens of the forest and plains are gone
>Now only the grey and black stones of a volcano are visible
>Reminds me of the end of the journey to Mount Doom
>"How long is it going to be?"
>"Maybe another hour and a half," Tiff says
>I tilt my head back and close my eyes
>"Wake me when you see the walls?"
>"Of course, Anon," she assures me with a kiss

>I feel a hand squeeze my shoulder
>Open my eyes to Tiff's smiling red face
>"We're almost there, Anon. The walls just came into view."
>I move to sit up and this time she helps me instead of pushing me back down
>Helps me put in my tigerstripe top
>I get to the back of the bench and climb over to sit next to Hannah
>"Glad to see you up and damn moving again," she says with a toothy grin
>Tiff leans forward against the bench, poking her head out between us, reaching up to put my Stetson on my head
>I adjust the wide brimmed hat and take a look around
>Three armored Tieflings on horses around us, matching pace with the wagon 
>Their armor is black with red and gold accents
>Leather pouches fixed to their breast plates and belts
>Each carrying a long curved saber on their hips and what resembles a Fairburn-Sykes dagger attached mid thigh or calf, while one has a bow strapped to his saddle, intricate designs engraved into the leather of their saddlebags
>I reach back and grab my camera, snapping a few pictures of the proud Tiefling soldiers
>I look forward and squint against the setting sun, still bright even through my aviators
>When my eyes finally focus on the horizon, my eyes go wide, uncaring of the sun behind it
>A massive wall of the same volcanic grey and black stone from before, mighty ramparts adorned with banners too far away to distinguish
>A great gate being opened to receive us
>I chuckle to myself
>"What are you laughing about, Anon?" Hannah inquires
>"Just thinking about the last time a Cavalryman rode up to a red skin settlement in a wagon."
>"How'd that go?"
>"We killed them and stole their land."
>"Yeah, maybe try not to do that this time?"
>"I dunno, it worked out pretty well last time."

>When we arrive at the gate another group of soldiers come to inspect the wagon
>As well as interrogate the non Tieflings that have just waltzed up to their gate
>I am unceremoniously, but not particularly rudely, relieved of my spot on the bench and put on the ground beside the wagon
>What I assume to be the captain of the guard, judging by the extra flair in his armor and ornate rings around his horns
>The others have a few rings, but not to this extent
>He carries the same equipment as the others, but with an added horn hanging from his belt
>"Is this all of them?" He asks Hannah
>"Yes sir, these were the only damn two traveling with me. When we got back to the damn woods, they were camped in the field just off the damn trail."
>"I'm glad to hear they're alright, but we'll still need to ask everyone a few questions."
>The soldiers go about checking the wagon as their commander turns to me
>"Where are you from, human?"
>"The United States of America," I answer, sitting up the best I can
>"I've never heard of it. Where is it from here?"
>"Have you seen the portals?"
>"What portals?"
>Alright, that makes it a bit more difficult to explain
>"Tiff, how long have I been here? Almost a year?"
>"Don't tell me you forgot when our anniversary is?"
>Shit, that is coming up soon, isn't it?
>"Of course not! Anyway, about a year ago, portals opened up, bridging this world and another world, mine. Lots of places got switched around, lots of people from both sides crossed to the other, respectively. I ended up coming through a small unstable portal shortly before the big ones opened up."
>"Interesting." He turns to Tiff
>"It's all true, sir. He ended up coming out of a cave near my village. Saved us from a hoard of goblins, too!"
>"And how long have you been away from Lokelech, Ms. Tiff, was it?"
>"I've never been here. I was born in a small village far to the north east."
>"We aren't aware of any settlements aside from our grand city here. Who is in charge there?"
>"His name is Hendricks, he's been in charge since before I was born."
>"I'll have to consult with my superiors on that matter. Howe-"
>He is interrupted by a pair of his soldiers
>One is holding my FAL, and the other, Tiff's PPS-43
>"And what exactly are these?"
>The gears are turning 
>"Well, sir, I am very glad you asked that question!"
>I pull myself to my feet, my body aching in protest
>"I am the founder and owner of the Rally Arms Armament Company. When the portals opened, my whole business was displaced to a town far to the north east, so now we take pride in ensuring the people of this land are as equal as the people from my land. In my opinion, a firearm is the most important thing a person can own! May I?"
>I take the FAL in my hands
>"Now, this is the Fabrique Nationale Fusil Automatique Leger, or FN FAL! This rifle can easily fell a charging orc with a well placed burst, and is more than enough to turn a would be goblin attacker into a cloud of pink mist."
>I drop the magazine, eject the chambered round, and hold it out for the commander 

>Some time later, I have an appointment with the cities military and government leaders over my firearms
>They were kind enough to let us keep them with us during our stay
>Actually getting into the city was more interesting
>"My superiors seem quite interested in your wares, Mr. Anon, and have offered you and your companions a suite at an inn in the upper levels. However, as outsiders the two of you will still be required to wear these at all times."
>The guards produced a pair of black leather collars with gold trim and a shiny black buckle that seemed to be made of that volcanic rock
>You're shitting me
>"Will some people not be able to guess by my skin and her feathers?"
>"We haven't had visitors in over three hundred years, Mr. Anon. Trust me when I say, the collars are a very new development."
>I take the collar in my hand and move to put it on
>"I'm afraid Ms. Tiff must fix them to you."
>I hand my collar to Tiff, who in turn wraps it around my neck and adjusts the buckle
>The band seems to move with my neck, as if it was a part of the skin
>Not nearly as uncomfortable as it looked
>Once we're dressed in our new state mandated fashion accessories, we climb back into the wagon, with an escort to lead us to the inn
>The wall must be at least twenty five feet thick
>The city is set in rings, with the lower level being for farm lands and live stock
>There were farms outside, but these are most definitely emergency farms, in the case of a long drawn out siege making their outside crops impossible to tend to
>The road begins a gradual slope to another great wall, the gate already being open for us, perhaps only closed during emergencies
>Once we pass the wall, we come to rows of houses and other streets branching off to various neighborhoods
>Teiflings of all ages flock to see the outsiders
>I pick up the camera and take a few pictures of the crowd forming
>A multitude of horn shapes, shades of red, and a mix of feet and hooves fill the sidewalks to observe the phenomenon that is us
>Our guide fills us in on the history and architectural make up of the city
>All of the cities are carved from the volcanic stone left over from its last eruption many centuries ago
>A combination of natural and magical remedies have ensured the volcano is all but dead, still supplying heat to the city from thermal ducts deep underground
>The stone is unique in that when worked certain ways, can maintain its stone properties, or become more like a metal
>This goes way over my head
>I barely paid attention to that class in highschool
>The Tiefling informs us that the rings of the city are less for separation of classes, and more for defense during a siege, something their military leaders see as a very real threat
>Classes here are near nonexistent anyway
>"When you can live for up to a century, class discrimination get old," he says
>"Besides, it's not like there are elves or orks or anything here to actually be racist against!"
>I dunno man, I'm in an entirely different world than Israel, and I'm still not a fan
>I hope I'm in an entirely different world than Israel
>That would suck if they came through and started shitting the place up
>Silently tap the wood of the bench

>The next ring of the city brings another crowd, eager to catch a glimpse of their new visitors
>A lot of them are winking at us
>Both females and males
>Ask our guide what's up with the winking
>"Well, what does winking usually mean?"
>Wrap my arm around Tiff
>I am a taken man
>I am a good noodle

>Eventually we reach the innermost ring
>We're told this ring contains the magistrate castle, our inn, a market, a hot spring, a library, and more residential buildings
>I'm also informed the hot spring should be my first stop, on account of the waters healing properties being able to sooth my wounds
>Doesn't sound like a bad idea to me
>After a few more minutes, we finally reach the inn
>We pile out of the wagon and grab our packs
>Guide insists I should carry Tiff's pack for her, seeing as I'm not a Tiefling and she is
>Wow, forty five minutes in the city and I'm already being discriminated against by the authority
>Perhaps I judged urban youths too harshly
>Throw Tiff's pack over my head onto my ruck while he takes the wagon to a stable around the side of the inn
>Fuck, we're on the top floor or some shit, aren't we?
>Front desk has an elderly Tiefling sitting behind the desk reading
>His eyes light up when he sees us
>Very excited about having guests, and insists that we stay in their best suite
>I kinda thought we already had the best suite, but okay
>Fifth floor
>Fuck
>Y'all know I've now been shot in both legs since I've been in Fankasia, right?
>Tiff, you literally healed both wounds, back me up 
>Fuck my life
>Carrying like a hundred and ten pounds, at the least right now
>/k/ube give me strength 

>We are pointed to an elegant set of wide spiraling stair cases with platforms and offshoots at each floor
>Begin our ascent and my body is already screaming at me for death
>I don't remember rucking being this hard
>Used to do this in like three feet of snow
>Of course I hadn't been fucked up by goblins before doing it back then, so that probably contributes to the difficulty
>Takes me twenty five minutes to get to our floor
>Get down the hall to our room
>Tiff pulls the key from her pocket
>An intricate skeleton key, made, of course, from the same stuff as the walls, and the floors, and the buckle on my collar
>Turns the key and we hear a series of light dings
>Sounds like glass being gently tapped on with a spoon
>Tiff grabs the double doors handles and swings them open with a flourish
>The doors slow just before hitting their limit, stopping just short of the walls
>"Woooow!" Hannah exclaims
>We step inside and I close the doors behind me
>I drop our packs beside the door and turn around, putting my arms across their shoulders for support
>Look around the room and my jaw drops
>Looks like pic related
https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn%3AANd9GcS5juHqsWMnNX0dTP8xoKYAiBlAHmFScejY4g&usqp=CAU
>To the left of the main doorway is the bathroom, with a wide mirror above a trough of a sink
>Opposite the sink is a large claw foot bath tub that could easily fit four people
>A smaller room in the back with a toilet in it
>Next to the bathroom is a closet
>Coming out of this walk way is a wide open room with a large table with a half dozen chairs around it, a decent sized kitchenette to the left of it
>On the right of this dining space is an open area with a futon against a half wall, facing out onto a balcony over looking the city
>On the other side of the futon is a staircase leading up to a raised platform with a generously sized bed
>Gotta be at least an Alaska King mattress
>Several chandeliers hanging from the vaulted ceiling
>This place is fuckin sweet
>I would not mind if this became an extended stay
>I sit down on the edge of the futon and take my boots off
>Limp up the steps to the closest bed
>Peel off my sweat drenched tiger stripe top and hang it over the banister to dry
>Collapse on the bed
>Fuck, this thing is soft
>"Anon, don't you want to come see the damn view?" Hannah asks
>"I want to pass out and pray for deaths sweet embrace," I mumble from between the pillows
>I feel a warmth slide across the bed and wrap around me
>"How about my sweet embrace instead?"
>"That'll work too," I answer, pulling Tiff into my chest

>I awake to the light of the rising sun beaming through the windows into my face
>I inhale deeply and squint to look around
>I gently slide out of the bed and stretch
>Go down to my pack and get out my brushstroke uniform
>Place it on the counter in the bathroom
>Get a bath going
>Scrub off the last couple of weeks of dirt and grime
>And, ya know, a bunch of dried blood
>Hopefully I don't have, like, goblin Hep B or something now
>Dry off with a very fluffy towel
>Change into my brushstroke
>Grab my patches and pins off my tiger stripe top and put on my battle belt
>Step out onto balcony for a cigarette
>Put patches and pins on my shoulders and lapel while I smoke
>Start heading down to the lobby to ask the receptionist about good restaurants 
>Find a letter on the floor at the door
>Band of thin red silk wrapped around it, held in place by a fancy red seal
>Ah fuck, I better not be in the new Smash game
>Go pull out a chair at the table and sit down
>Peel off wax seal and unwrap silk
>Read through it a few times
>Formal opening, welcome to the city, blah blah blah, use today to rest after our travels, meeting tomorrow morning about my guns, someone wants to talk about other Tiefling settlements, and then dinner with a bunch of officials, signed the chief magistrate
>I guess my schedule tomorrow is full
>At least I still have today free

>Go get breakfast for the girls
>Little bakery restaurant
>Reminded me of a Starbucks
>Except more winking and less hipsters
>Got some little pastries
>Remind me of cinnamon rolls, except the icing is red
>I guess these guys really like their aesthetic
>Better than the elves with all their white walls that kept giving me headaches
>Hannah wakes up first, her harpy nose sniffing out the sweets as soon as they were through the door
>Bring one up to Tiff and wake her up
>"Better hurry before she eats all of them."