id: 485 name: old storie posted for reference author: Spookedanon date: 9th August 2021 text len: 27899 views: 15 >im packing some bags bags in my living room, another normal day >with the konvergence happening some time ago and society in my small town going to shit, I had just decided to quit my job and hang out with my rifles >and theres this funny story about my rifles >between my yugo sks, 10/22, and my cz 75, >the sks talks >and it can also become a girl >her name is Zasta >she is a few inches taller than me at 6'4, with beautiful brown eyes and hair >she is amazing >back to the story >me and zasta had gone for two months just rationing off of my surplus gear >we were running low on mres to eat, and I refused to touch the chink pla ones >we had decided to go and try to adventure in the fantasy land >it was good timing too, the military had finally kicked their ass into gear and 'liberating' the towns near us >the rumors dont sound like its fun >so me and zasta were packing our rucksacks for a hike to the nearest portal >we have to hike, because the air force is flying old hueys in the area and they would spot a car instantly *My bag is packed Anon!* says zasta picking up the the 10/22 and putting it, err her over her shoulder >its hard to think that my 10/22 and cz are girls, zasta confirmed it, but they dont want to come out "My bags almost ready, just loading up all of your ammo!" >she replies with throwing my bedroll at me "Do you know where my cz is?" *The last time I saw her was on your bed side table* >you go to the bedroom and look at the bedside table >no cz >you look in the bathroom >no cz >you look in the closet >cz >with some of zasta's clothes on the floor >zasta is normally very tidy for being slavic >hm >you come back into the living room/kitchen/dining room of your small flat with cz in hand "Do you have your vest ready?" *Do you?* >you put on your vest and tuck the cz into the holster on the chest "Ready whenever you are" *Right back at you* --- >we arrive at the bottom of the stairs to my building and continue going out *I wonder if we will find any harpies, I think their cute* "Im hoping on finding a working T90" *You know the chances of finding one of those in this world alone right?* asks zasta "Yes, although I read that russia had sent in two platoons last week" >you may have read it on /k/, but you wanted to believe it was true >about a hour and a half had gone by and you two were walking through abandoned suburbia *Anon. why did we start moving away from the portal?* >you both turn the corner and see it >a massively fortified house >you knew the owner before, and when he was called up by the national guard he left you the keys >a massive shtf'er, had loads of mres, ammo, and other shtf-esque things "there should be loads of ammo and attachments for all of you guys if you want it" >she tensed up at the word attachments >thats what being previously owned by a fudd does >the sun is low in the sky as you two leave, both of you backpacks almost ten pounds heavier *Can we go shooting at the next stop anon?* "The next stop will be as the sun is setting, and as long as were out of earshot from the military we should be fine" >as she hears that she quickens her pace to a slow running towards the forest >about three hours later you decide to setup camp for the night >its a nice flat area in the side of a valley >she already has the tent setup as you are setting up targets down the valley >zasta is rolling out both your bedrolls when you go in the tent to get her >she puts her hand in yours *lets fucking do this* >there is now a sks in your grip >you raise your rifle at the target 500m away *Stop with the foreplay and shoot me already you dick* >you have to comply with that >four cracks in quick succession can be heard in the valley >from your binos you hit three of those on target >not bad after a running hike in the woods >but you decide not to tell your friendos on /k/ about your grouping --- >you decide to spend a few hours browsing /k/ in your bedroll before you call it a night >you dont think that you could fall asleep if you wanted to with zasta's snoring >it turns out you were able to fall asleep at some point during the night, because you awoke to zasta cleaning the ruger *You sure were a sound sleeper last night* "I can say the same thing about you,what do you want for breakfast?" >she gestures out side the tent at a pot over the campfire *Already covered hun* >you had originally wanted it to be a mutual relationship between the two of you when she revealed herself as a geist >she goes perfect 50's wife whenever she gets the chance >after a nice and warming breakfast soup the both of you pack up and head out of camp >you still have about a days walk to the portal >but the first few hours go by well with a karaoke session to your speaker playing assorted propaganda music >we are about to finnish up trying to sing to mannerheimin linjall, I spot group walking through the woods >I shut off the music and signal for zasta to get down >they are about 300m away >you take out your binos and 'reach out >they look to be wearing various clothings from arma 2 PMC >zasta says that she senses something up with them >you both decide that you should see whats up >you give zasta the 10/22 "Be my lookout, fire if anything seems amiss" >you check that their is a round in the chamber of your cz and start to walk over to them >unarmed with your cz put back in your chest holster you are withing 100m of them >the still haven't noticed >one looks towards you >they noticed >they keep their guns at low ready >you can id their guns, the leading one has a ak type rifle, two guys with bolt actions, a guy and girl with no guns? >this area wasnt very safe before the portal opened up nearby, drug gangs in the woods >and now a mix of army and hostile wyld elves looking to get back at humanity --- "What are you doing out here in the middle of the woods friend?" -leader >you decide that involving the portal wouldnt be the best thing to do "Im looking for some pigs that got out of my farm" -you >the man nods to one of the bolty guys, which you now noticed has pointed ears >the elf shakes his head >at this point you have no idea what is happening, the only thing you can do is to hope that zasta has a shot on them thanks for the (you)'s - author "Can you tell me why you are actually out here" -leader ... "Im looking to start of anew in fantasia, life here was falling apart" -you "Why didnt you say that in the first place!" >the leader pulls you into a bro hug >you hope that zasta doesn't get the wrong idea *OH WHAT THE FUCK FUCK FUCK!* come out of a tree about 100m in the direction you came from >you turn from the group and pull out your cz and start off in the direction of the screams >if something happens to zasta you dont know what you would do with your self >the group of four follows behind >as you near zastas position, you see zasta and another girl fighting "YOU FUCKING BITCH, ANON COULD BE DEAD BY NOW" -zasta "YOU CANT READ THE SITUATION FOR SHIT, ANON IS FI" -mystery girl "Im fine, whats happening between the two of you?" -you interupt "OHMYGOD Anon! I thought I was going to lose you!" -zasta as she pulls you into a hug "Can you guys inform me on what exactly happed here" "She was about to shoot me, but I could tell that the situation was fine" -mystery girl >"shoot me" >you look for your 10/22 and couldn't find it "We can talk about this once we make camp at the other side, right now we have a group of friends that I was ta" >you stop as you notice that the girl in the other group is gone >the unarmed guy now has a XM8 >the day keeps getting better and better --- >the sun is low in the sky, you estimate about 2-3 hours left of sun light "And what did I do when he tried to get close to me? I BECAME A RIFLE!" -exclaimed a visibly drunk fisch having her confidence fanned by a audience of laughter >now that you think about it, you all were fairly sloshed on the elves homemade vodka >just about everything was cleared up >that group paroled around the portal, making sure that nogunz dont go in and get themselves killed due to lack of gear >fisch is also a waffengeist, she manifests as a XM8 hence her given name >and as you suspected, your 10/22 is a waffengeist, she looks exactly like pic related >you dont know her well or a name for her yet >she know you very well, as in rifle form she can hear and sense whats going on around her >your cz still hasn't come out >the plan for tomorrow (made by you and the drunk leader) is to go through the portal and they would escort your group to a nearby woke orc camp, where they will leave and come back here to help others with their journeys >they were described as 'woke' because they had realized that war isnt how you gain power in these modern times, so they changed their war camp into a trading hub, helping others through feral lands for payment >the sun has gone away, but the chatter around the campfire keeps on for a hour >you and zasta only had two sleeping bags packed and the other group had no extras >you brought this problem up with zasta on where the 10/22 would sleep *She can take my bedrool! We can share yours!* >she immediately sets the plan in stone by telling the 10/22 that she was going to have her sleeping bag >you haven't lewded the rifle yet and you dont want to >she seems intoxicated in both ways about the idea >but your still too drunk to say no >she opens your sleeping bag to use blanket style in the tent >this cant go too badly with your 10/22 and the XM8 sharing the tent >right? --- >you wake up with a sks ontop of you >its out of its stock >I dont know what base im at right now >I dont think I want to know >you take the internals and find the stock near the side of the tent >you put the sks back together to its full glory >zasta comes back into human form, whispers thank you, and goes back under the covers to snore >at least the 10/22 isnt lewded, shes still sleeping in her bag >you come out of your tent to the cheering of three men around the campfire, the leader, the elf, and the XM8's owner "Nice score with zasta anon, we could hear that from our tent!" -the leader "Whats for breakfast" "I made some flour cakes" -the elf >you are expecting rice cakes, but made with wheat >you find pancakes in the pan instead >you take one and, with some syrup the elf harvested from a tree, ate a bite >holy fucking shit this is amazing "Whats in that recipe, this cake is the best kind that ive eaten" -you "I took some grains near the camp and ground them up into flour, and then I added some salt from our food stash, and finished it off with boiling down some of that sap your eating for the sweetness of the cake" >do elves have magical powers when it comes to cooking? >must be something with their connection to nature and all that "we should head out to the portal while its still the crack of dawn" -XM8's owner "sounds like a plan, ill wake up James and Greer" - the leader as he gets up and goes into their tent >you have an idea >the rifles can still sleep in rifle form, so to keep them happy your going to pick them up and carry them on your back >nothing can go wrong >you head over to your 10/22 and lift up the covers, thank kube that she wears clothes while sleeping >you remember what your friends on /k/ told you about the waffengeists and how to turn them into rifles >you reach your hand down and grab her around the waist --- >instead of her turning into a rifle in your hands, you get a fist to the face "PERVERT" "DONT TOUCH A GIRL THERE WHILE SHES SLEEPING" >oh god oh fuck >you motion for her to be quiet and start to explain what happed "Imagine being the retard that believes what he reads on a albanian feather collecting society" "but your really are a retard for thinking that, its common sense to know that you gently grab the back of the neck" -she continues, putting emphasis on gently "I wont make that mistake" "You better not and you should be taking better care of your rifles anyways, the last time you cleaned me was over a month ago!" >I clean her every time I shoot I swear anons >you trudge through the insults and go over to zasta who you properly pick up as a rifle "I can still carry you if you want, whatever your name is" "First off, YOUR supposed to pick out a name for me, and secondly I will NOT let you carry me after how you treated me this morning" "Alright, you can walk with us then" >after everyone got their dose of caffee, we started breaking down the tents along with the rest of the campsite >its about 8 in the morning as everyone starts heading out >now its about noon "Alright, who is down for a lunch stop?" -the leader >the decision is unanimous >also about halfway through that hike, zasta woke up and got off of your back and took the back pack that she brought off of alice >also my 10/22's name is alice >that was decided on the way >but you think you fixed what had happened this morning with her >the others find a nice spot for a picnic >someone takes out sandwich materials and sets them out for sandwich making reasons >its going well, slavic folk music, conversation about goblin genocides, tasty sandwiches >one of the bolt action wielders (james or greer?) says that something in the bushes rustled >everyone goes silent and watches the bushes >a mother fucking skinwalker floats(?) out of the bushes >a collective FUCCCKCKKKKKK can be heard --- >another thing about the forest >before the konvergence there were rumors about skinwalkers >after there was evidence >everyone acts quickly and without words >all three waffengeists practically tackle their owners and become rifles >you are now dual wielding, accuracy be damned >everyone is now armed and opening fire >120 rounds into the skinwalker later and everyone has to reload >the skinwalker just looks at us >the skinwalker opens its mouth EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE >FUCK MY EARS >I MANAGE TO STICK A REPLACEMENT MAG IN EACH GUN >I KEEP SHOOTING >SOMEONE THREW A MOLOTOV >THEY ROLL A 1, NO EFFECT >LOADS OF FUCKING SMOKE THOUGH, WHAT THE FUCK DID THEY PUT IN THAT >MAG DUMP THROUGH THE SMOKE >EVERYONE IS RELOADING AGAIN >LEADER GUY STEPS IN FRONT AND WAVES HIS ARMS >WE STOP SHOOTING >IT LOOKS LIKE THE SKINWALKER MOVED AWAY >EVERYONE IS TRYING TO TALK BUT NOONE CAN HEAR ANYTHING >about a hour later >basically what happened was that the leader guy led us back towards the portal after we picked up all our gear >we regained hearing a bit ago >overall we expended 240 rounds into the thing >one thing that bothers me though is that it wasnt affected by the bullets, but when we first armed up it froze >something ill have to ask in fantasy land, they probably know about it better than us >we make it to the portal by four and we decide to wait for a buddy team to go in first to scout it >its the two bolt action users >in all the portal is underwhelming, its just a cave that gets dark and then your come out in fantasy land on the other side >you spend the time cleaning both your guns in gun form >whenever your done cleaning, they pop back into girl form >zasta is in too much pleasure to talk between the finger banging 60 rounds and the cleaning >alice is doing much better with keeping her composure having only fired 40 rounds >the two scouts come back, reporting nothing out of the ordinary >everyone heads into the cave; into fantasy --- this is going to be the start of another chapter for organizational reasons >your party exits the cave >you had thought that it would be something extravagant with a large show about it, but it was just like any other cave >and the place you exit is a bit different >its more of a plains area compared to the dense coniferous forest you had been in "This is the place" - the leader >you and the rest of the group follow along as the leader cuts through the grass to a dirt path >everyone follows him alongside this road for a hour or so >your mindless walking is interrupted by a few goblins along side the road "gib me your monei and we will let you pass unharmed heumans" "How about you guys fuck off before I inform the orcs that own this road that your trespassing on it" - the leader "You really should think twice before you speak human, you just insulted J mc biggy cheese and now your going to pay big time" >they start to come at your group with their weapons >the gobbos only have clubs and swords >imagine how europeans wiped the floor with the native americans, although with the natives having no bows and the europeans having semi auto firearms >there are two goblins that decided to surrender >the leader gets rope out of his pack, but before he can tie them up the elf slits their throats with a bowie knife "Thats for my village" >the group accepts this as a good reason and continues walking on their way >just as the sun is setting you get a glimpse of the orc camp >it really isnt a camp but more of a town with permanent buildings and an exterior wall >you all check in at the inn with you and your guns getting a room and the others sharing two rooms amongst themselves "We can share a bed, but if you lay a finger on my I will jam to shit when you try and shoot me" - alice "I dont think I mind sharing a bed anon" - zasta >its going to be one of those nights --- >you wake up late >about one pm late >both guns are gone from the bed >you look over to the dresser "Atleast I have you cz" - you >you get out of bed, put on your kit, and you are about to holster your cz but there is already something in the holser > a note that reads "we got bored and left, try to find us - alice" >there is also a doodle of a mug of beer at the bottom >you tuck the note in your pocket and put your cz in your holster >its time to go out and find them, they are your guns after all >you also notice that the group that helped you get here had left and presumably gone back through the portal to help others >nice people >you head down to the bar >zasta and alice are no where to be seen >you head over to the bar keeper "Have you seen two human girls, one with brown hair and one with blond hair?" "They came through about two hours ago, why do you want to know?" "They are close friends of mine" "Are you anon?" >please dont have done anything bad "yes" "alright, they went east of here to find the location of harpies that were attacking some convoys." >that information came surprisingly easily "Thanks for your time, Im going to go catch up with them" >you leave the bar and start to head down the road eastward >along the way you decide on a name for your cz, Karla >you told her her name, or at least you said it aloud to her >its a quiet walk >you reach an abandoned cart to the side of the road, there is a pile of gear in it >after looking through the gear you find alices carrier rig, and a camo sa 58 with a carrier worth of mags next to it >its a great find, the carrier is shot to shit though, so you take the vz along with as many mags as you can carry >you look around the area thoroughly, but not tracks leading anywhere could be found >the sun is setting, so you decide to make camp and catch some rest --- >you wake up feeling the wind >its really strong >now that you think about it, you dont feel the ground >ah, a harpie is carrying you >its still night >you check your gear, no vz or cz >you do have a knife in your boot >however you are being held scarecrow and you cant reach your boot >you try and wiggle out >the harpie digs her(?) talons into your arms >some time later the harpie drops you in a cage >in what looks to be a small village of goblins >the harpie drops your kit in a pile with other guns, vests, and backpacks and flies off >there are many other cages in the compound >there is an orc lit by lamp light with a, is that a crossfire mk1? >he isnt a threat then >eventually the sun rises enough to see the surroundings in detail >that looks like zasta and alice in cages >at least your all together >after another bit of time (around noon?) a large goblin come out and waddles towards you "You think foolish human! I have many eyes, and they see what you have done to my brother" >flashback to J mc Biggy Cheese "You aint even gona die, there is things worse than dieing in this world" >*fat goblin laughter* >he spits at you and goes back inside >its time to start thinking about how to get out, not for your sake, but for the girls >you know the stories about goblin camps >your knife is still in your boot, you could cut out of the bamboo like cage, although it would take a while >the best chance that you would have at getting everyone out is to wait until night >so that is exactly what you do --- >six hours later the sun is setting >nothing eventful happened in that time span >but you had plenty of time to think about the girls >your going to fucking kill every greenskin >the same orc is on night duty >he falls asleep again >you check the area for prying eyes, and once you deem it safe, you start to cut the cage >when you've cut about halfway through the stick, there is movement under the pile of gear >you tuck the knife back into your boot >a small figure appears from underneath the pile >it come up to your cage and takes out a chemlight to light up the surroundings >a small woman with dark hair and orange(?) eyes pic related but without the gun >she holds a finger to her mouth, shushing you >she takes out a pocket chain saw and cuts the cage faster than your knife ever could >within a minute your out of the cage >you point towards the others and she nods, and walks over to them >you go to the equipment pile and gather whats yours along with what zasta and alice had >you also decide to grab a plate carrier for alice, along with suppressors for your weapons >in three minutes they are out >you explain that more hands would be better than more guns, so you ask them to stay in human form >you hand the vz you found to alice, and then you have the realization that your guns cant wield themselves >you grab an akm complete with missing receiver cover, a bubba'ed m14 for zasta, and a scratched-to-hell usp for who you assume is karla >double check everyone is kitted up with plenty of ammo >its time to fuckin to this https://youtu.be/kFFHSRLl3mY >karla has a suppressor on her usp, so she takes out the orc >wait, fuck this isnt vidya, the guys still awake in the camp heard that crack >gobbos start pouring out of the buildings "Fuck them up" -you say just loud enough for the three girls to hear --- \\>every gobbo uses 30 round bursts >your group returns the favor as you leave the camp, escaping innawoods >you finally feel what the gooks felt in nam with bullets riping past you through the foliage >your group is nearing 200m away from the camp "OHHHHHH FUCKKK" >you turn back and alice is knocked on her face in the mud "SET UP A PERIMETER, DONT LET THEM COME CLOSE" -you yell as you rush to alices side >she was hit square in the back of the ceramic plate >she should be fine, albeit in shock from getting shot "LETS GO KEEP MOVING" -you yell as you pick up alice fireman >the bullets only stop coming when you cant hear the report of the guns anymore "Whats the plan now, anon" -karla, who is reloading her usp "it would be best if we kept going for a few miles to ensure our distance from the camp. Alice, are you good to walk?" >you hear a groan that sound like yes >combined with the fact that shes trying to get down >you are fine with not having to carry 100 pounds more than you need to >your group keeps going in the direction away from the camp >an hour later you hit a creek and decide to camp here >everyone helps to set up camp and you break out your pouitine IMPs for the occasion >a sleeping bag was left at the gobbo camp >there is only one sleeping bag "its fine anon we can share" -zasta >alice is the first to get in bed, she has had a day >karla is the second >and zasta makes a show out of seducing you into bed >it doesn't work >it works >you guys get in bed >and naked cuddle >thats it >thats as lewd as your going >no farther >Neumagh has some good lewd scenes >*lewding of sks happens off screen* --- >you wake up with a sks missing the stock again >everyone else is in gun form asleep as well >you decide that oatmeal is never a bad choice among breakfast foods >you make enough for everyone, and you dish out your plate >you finish in record time and think that some shooting in the morning wouldn't be bad >you leave a note and head down the stream to one side and set up targets >it takes you about a hour to set up the patch of land into a fully function able shooting range with a target over >you hike back to camp and find no one has woken yet >its almost noon >you decide that forcing them to wake up is the best course of action >you pick up zasta in her two pieces and put them back together >you ask her to come out >you have your phone alarm play >you shake her a little >non of them wake her >you repeat this with alice and karla >they dont wake >you decide that a more 'jarring' way is required >you take them all down to the range >you set them all up bench rest style and rig them all to be fired at once with a string >you give them one last chance to wake up, you know their just messing with you now "Sorry girls, but you brought this on yourselves" >you pull the string, firing each one of them at once >each gun explodes from the barrel >each girl come out with their legs and arms torn to shreds >blood every where >they are crying out >zasta looks at you >you go in closer to her "why would you want do do this to us" >the light in her eyes fades >the one person who understood you the most in this world is gone >you sprint back to camp >alice and karla die alone >you grab the usp karla was using >you put it in your mouth, angled to where it would pass through the important bits >you pull the trigger >everything is gone "whats wrong anon, it seems that something is up" - zasta >you look around you >your in the tent >its still dark outside >zasta is laying next to you, shirtless >not the time >your eyelids are heavy >all you can do now is sleep --- >you are still thinking about that nightmare halfway through breakfast >zasta has asked about how you were doing, and you shooed her off >she knows about these things normally from when you have your memories, but this one was >different >alice made spam bacon and vomlet for breakfast >they dont know why you declined the eggs >the look on their faces as they open up the packages is worth a wasted ration >zasta eats hers though, as a solid of egg she just took bites out of it >russian engineering? >its almost ten by the time the camp is packed up and your group heads out >everyone agrees that heading down stream would be the best plan >you head down stream >after two hours the group has a rolling lunch of calorie bars >your group walks until the sun starts to set >you tell everyone to start to bunker down for the night "are those fireworks?" -alice pointing downstream to fireworks going off in the sky "do you guys want to head down there and bunk at whatever amenities they have?" -alice continues "I havnt slept in a real bed as a human for three years now, we are going to sleep there" -karla >the way she said that and the expression on her face tells you and everyone else that she was going to have her way "you heard her, lets go" -you >as you reach the town there are lots of fireworks just going off everywhere >as you start to walk down one of the streets a hand justs from one of the houses and pulls you in "HOLY SHIT ANON" -zasta as she charges with in with her m14 "Dont bring those weapons into my household, I mean no harm! I just wish to inform you that there is a wizard battle going on and getting caught in a blast is deadly" -says a loli with a surprising amount of strength "I am Megumin! A master of the most powerful magic! EXPLOSION MAGIC!" >the loli has an identity crisis as well >thats fun