id: 375
name: Partial critique for 8-track
author: kevkev
date: 13th May 2021
text len: 4392
views: 16

/K/-Day (sounds cool)
    T + 19 hours (cool)
    San Antonio Police Department, Northwest Substation, Prue Road (cool)
    The parking lot(<- cool but could use polish), (uncool, deflates the mood ->)inside one certain police squad car
     
(Kinda weird format ->)    (A tape recorder is turned on, next to a large cardboard box filled with unused blank tapes)
     
(format weird ->)    (Now playing: The Talk by Jan Hammer https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2_BVTrq-15A )
     
     “Day One, I have been assigned by Captain Martinez to make an electronic(depending on time period, "electronic" record is a weird phrasing choice) record of what happens around this substation, for whomever it may concern in the future. Today has been the official worst day (<- rephrase as 'has officially been the worst day' since it sounds better) I’ve ever seen in my 5 years as a policeman, and it appears that it will only get worse in the coming days. As I have been instructed to use my personal point-of-view to describe events, I hope that records from other officer’s can fill in anything that I have glossed over. For the record, my name is Arin Noverski, and I am a sergeant in the San Antonio police department, assigned to the Northwest substation on Prue Road. I am recording this approximately 19 hours after the first anomaly was reported.” (<- It's less-than-ideal that this latter bit is basically just repeating what we heard in that cinematic-esque opening of the story)
     
    “This morning, we received emergency warnings from our local counterparts in other major cities, not to mention our federal and state law enforcers, that unexplainable anomalies were appearing all over the world. None were reported yet in this city, so I am to assume that our city council and their “underlings” did not take the threat seriously. Several minutes after the last warning, multiple large-scale anomalies appeared throughout the city. According to phone calls we received, before all hell broke loose, creatures and human-like beings of a fantastical nature were appearing all over the city, some by large-scale portals, some by simple teleportation. These large-scale portals have all ceased to function as of the time of this recording. (A lot of the wording here is iffy given all the facts presented in this story so far.)
     
    “We attempted to continue our duties, to some success. What I would describe as dragon-like creatures,(<- remove comma here, feels wrong) set off fires all over the northwestern part of this city, and I believe at the moment that most of Helotes, and the Alamo Ranch area, is still up in flames.(<- sentence feels kind of run-on. Try reading that sentence out loud, it feels more like it should be broken up into two sentences maybe.) Within city limits, we were able to put out most of the fires, with police officers and fellow citizens assisting the fire department in putting them out. 3 hours after the anomalies began, the dragons proceeded to fly in a pack, towards the southwestern part of town, which is where we have no situational awareness at the moment. My highest hopes are that the Air Force has already blown them out of the sky. We also received calls that claimed that 2 dragons appeared to be fighting each other over on the western edge of town, somewhere near the Potranco road area. Several minutes after this, 2 massive sky-funnels of unknown energy appeared, one west of Palo Alto college, another by the Nelson Wolff baseball stadium. At the same time, a missile with the markings of our own Army, most likely nuclear, was headed south to annihilate some unlucky foreign city, but was caught within the energy cone of these two anomalies, and detonated prematurely. The energy cones absorbed the heat and flash that would have normally instantly vaporized us all, but since energy cannot be destroyed, only changed into another form, an electromagnetic pulse blew out, which wiped out nearly all unshielded electronics, in what I am told is nearly a 15.22-mile radius. Or at least, that’s my best guess so far. Fuck if I know anything about the missile. I asked an Army official several minutes ago, regarding it’s full explosive yield. He stonewalled me, by stating nothing more than that every detail regarding that missile was deemed extremely classified.” (<- feels very unreal in terms of phrasing and stuff.)
     
(v TLDR)