>Be me.
>6 am.
>Sleeping.
>Get a text from Kuntosali.
>"ANON WE'RE GOING SHOOTING WAKE UP OR I'M BLASTING IN YOUR WINDOW."
>Hold up this was sent half an hour ago.
>BANG
>My window is evaporated.
>I grab my pistol and aim it at the door.
>That familiar blonde knife ear head pops into focus.
>"Anon hi! We're going shooting."
>"Did you have to fucking destroy my window?"
>"Well yes, but actually no."
>"..."
>"Point is it's range day!"
>Kuntosali grabs me by the neck and drags me to the bathroom.
>How does she even know where my bathroom is?
>"You have 10 minutes to get ready or I'm sticking my shotgun barrel up your ass so far you will taste carbon when you sneeze."
>"ok"
>I start to strip to jump in the shower really quick and notice Kuntosali is just standing in the doorway. She's looking hungrily at me and licks her lips a couple times.
>"A little privacy?"
>"awww why?
>I close the door but I hear Kuntosali open it.
>I can see a brown eye gazing into the bathroom through the crack.
>I close it again and lock the door.
>"Anon that's not going to stop me you know."
>I hear metal straining and the lock screeches with pain as it breaks.
>Kuntosali opens the door to peek through.
>I give up and just hop in the shower and close the curtains.
>"Awwww."

>I get out and toss my guns into my car.
>I notice a crate full of shotgun shells.
>"Did you carry that here?"
>"Yeah!"
>"All of them?"
>"Yeah don't be a bitch about it."
>"Fine."
>I try to lift it but it's like heavy as sin.
>"Oh these are special 8 gauge dwarf shells for my shotgun Anon. They're rated to penetrate two trolls and a car."
>"Why would you need that?"
>"Why wouldn't I?"
>Kuntosali picks up the crate and gently lowers it into the back of the car.
>The entire thing dips down from the weight.
>"Alright let's go Anon!"
>It's still dark and Kuntosali sits in the passenger seat expectedly as I turn on the headlights.
>Is she?
>"Hey Anon."
>"Yeah?"
>"It's still dark out."
>"Yes I can see that."
>"So no one can see us."
>"And?"
>oh wait. 
>Kuntosali throws me into the back seat.
>"Just a quick one ok? I've been wanting this since last evening."
>"We were breeding last evening!"
>"Yeah and?"
>She checks the clock.
>"That was a whole twelve hours ago!"
>jesus christ.
>She plunges her head down on my shaft which is already at full mast from the excitement, vanilla smell of Kuntosali, and fear.
>I can feel myself hit the back of her throat and her long elf tongue taking laps around me.
>I orgasm in no time at all.
>She keeps sucking.
>I try to slide out but she looks up with fire behind her eyes.
>I get the memo and slide back down.
>She smiles and goes back to work.
>I fall into a blur of pleasure.
>It's morning and Kuntosali has somehow placed me back in the driver's seat.
>I look over and she's looking at me with the most smug grin imaginable.
>"Can we go now?"
>Sure why not.
>On the way over to our range spot she brags about how she's shaved an entire minute off her 100K I don't know metric so I pretend to be impressed. Probably is a big deal though.
>"When I run I pretend I'm chasing after you and it makes me so fast… but also a little bit wet but that's ok."
>excuse me?

>I try to focus on driving but I can't help but admire how nice Kuntosali looks today.
>She has on a red tank top and white short shorts that are riding just high enough that I could maybe see some more if I looked at the right angle.
>Also her tank top is straining to contain her chest like Hoover Dam keeps back the Colorado.
>I wonder what the straps are made of.
>She puts her hair into a ponytail and I lose focus on the road and swerve.
>She laughs and her tits jiggle from it.
>"Did you lose focus on the road Anon?"
>"No I was just tired."
>"You suuuuureeeeee?"
>She leans over the dash with her stupidly long arms reaching all the way to my window.
>She rests her head on the arm and makes a little groan noise.
>I tense my jaw trying not to react.
>Kuntosali shakes her hips a little bit (I swore the car shook too but that's too scary of an idea so I'm gonna pretend it didn't. Nuclear elf hips that can shake an entire car filled to the brim with ammo and guns is kind of scary when you really think about it.)
>"AAAAAnon! Aaaaaaanon look at me."
>I dart my gaze over to Kuntosali and she does a little thing with her tongue.
>I bite my lower lip and afix my gaze to the road.
>Kuntosali laughs and goes back to her seat.
>She instead leans over onto me and puts her head in the crook of my neck and shoulder.
>I get flustered.
>"Anon if you crash the car and you somehow survive I'll curb stomp you."
>We get to the shooting site safely.

>I set stuff up with my AR and various other pistols and shotguns.
>Kuntosali has her oversized shotgun slung over her shoulder with the strap between her breasts.
>She is carrying the crate of "dwarf" shotgun shells in one hand and a bunch of ammo boxes in the other.
>"Mhmm it's kinda hot today isn't it Anon?"
>"It's 56 degrees fahrenheit Kuntosali. I have a jacket on."
>"And I'm hot blooded."
>She pulls off her red tank top and throws it onto my face.
>I wouldn't believe it but she's wearing nothing beneath.
>You would think with a chest as heavy as hers they would sag but somehow they defy gravity and are still perky.
>She stretches with her hands over her head.
>Ok but those abs though holy shit man.
>I look away and try to focus on loading my AR.
>Kuntosali swaggers over and rests her chin on my head and nuzzles it a little bit.
>She's tall enough to still need to bend over a little bit to do it.
>"Anon how do you think your groupings are going to be today?"
>"Tight?"
>"Just like me."
>ok you need to stop. It's time to stop.
>I raise my rifle and start shooting.
>It's enough to get Kuntosali to go back over to her stuff.
>She kicks open the crate and pulls out a giant shotgun.
>I knew she liked shotguns but this is too much.
>It's an oversized AA-12 that still looks small on her gargantuan frame.
>The barrel is the size of a fucking water bottle for fucks sake.
>She puts the drum in and cocks it.
>I grab my ear protection reflexively.
>She dumps the magazine down range and if I were standing just a bit closer I would have been knocked over by the muzzle blast.
>When she finishes I look down range and the entire set of targets are gone.
>Not as in they flew away or have holes in them.
>But as in the trees, the rocks, and everything else is gone.
>It's like a bulldozer went through.
>"Anon you wanna try?"
>"Sure…"
>She gives me the AA-12+ and I almost fucking fall over from the weight of it.
>It must be at the very least 100 pounds. It doesn't have the polymer case it's all steel like a SPAS.
>She puts in the magazine and that must weigh 50 pounds because the shells are huge.
>Kuntosali giggles and holds the shotgun behind me.
>"Alright ready Anon?"
>"ready" I squeak.
>I pull the trigger.
>If it weren't for the fact Kuntosali has the stance of a mountain I would have gone flying.
>It's like firing a fucking howitzer.
>When it finishes I feel like I need to sit down in the fetal position to process what just happened.
>"You wanna do it again?"
>"no… I'm fine…"
>Kuntosali shrugs and puts another drum in.
>From the way she handles it you would think it's just a bigger AA-12.
>She swings the shotgun off her shoulder and blows away a tree with both barrels.
>Me firing my AR feels like a pellet gun now.
>I can't help but watch Kuntosali firing her AA gun of a shotgun.
>The way the muzzle blast lights up her golden hair and the way it waves in the wind. The way her tits and ass jiggle from the recoil.
>The serene look on her face.
>The fact her nipples are hard.
>This is nice.
>I mag dump as well.
>There aren't any targets anymore so it's just burning ammo now.
>"Anon you wanna help set up the tent?"
>"You brought a tent?"
>"Yeah we're camping tonight!"
>If something happens I can't run there's no one to help me.

>Kuntosali has her tank top back on and has a normal sized tent in her arms.
>I always thought everything had to be big with her.
>"I got a small tent for us Anon."
>"Why?"
>"We can be closer."
>She pours what I assume is thermite onto a bundle of sticks.
>"Cover your eyes."
>I try to pull up my arm but she shoves me into her cleavage.
>A little too close so I can't get any air.
>I struggle but Kuntosali just hums instead.
>When she releases me I can see the thermite somehow didn't burn down the forest and instead has a nice little fire going.
>It's maybe early afternoon now.
>I'm cleaning my AR next to the tent while Kuntosali is running stuff from the car.
>"AYO BITCH STEP UP."
>"Who the fuck are you?"
>I hear Kuntosali yelling on the other side.
>I've never reassembled a BCG so fast in my life.
>I even got the fucking firing pin retaining and extractor pins in on the first try.
>I shove everything back into the rifle and peek around the tent.
>There is a fucking horde of goblins around Kuntosali.
>Where the fuck did they come from?
>"That's a nice shotgun you got there cunt it would be a shame if we were to use it for something."
>"Yeah I wonder why your out here alone."
>"No one is going to hear you."
>I'm a little bit surprised Kuntosali hasn't beaten them into a pulp yet.
>Then I realize the goblins have guns.
>The lead one with a mohawk is holding a mac 10 with a stupid big drum.
>As it it goes to his legs and he's dragging it around.
>Kuntosali is terrified and has tears streaming down her face.
>"Hey boss you think we should do it?"
>"YE LES DO THIS BITCH."
>ha you thought.
>Channel my innermost badass.
>"STOP RIGHT THERE CRIMINAL SCUM!"
>seriously… autism why?

>The goblins are caught off guard so I just unload my magazine into the horde.
>I catch maybe 15-20 of them.
>The leader starts unloading the mac 10 in my direction and rips a couple bullet holes in the tent.
>I hit the ground and suddenly hear a scream.
>That isn't Kuntosali though.
>That's the leader.
>Kuntosali is fucking eviscerating him.
>She's actually torn his spine out.
>The other goblins are looking on in terror as am I.
>She throws the spine with such force it impales a goblin on a tree.
>The other ones wisen up and try shooting her but she carries the leader's body as a shield.
>She gets close enough to RKO one and rip the arm off another.
>I'm too amazed to even reload.
>She beats a goblin to death with the arm.
>She continues tearing them apart as I watch.
>The goblins aren't even shooting anymore.
>They're just running away or looking on in terror as Kuntosali lifts one over her head and rips their comrade in half.
>IN HALF.
>She also rips a small tree out the ground and throws it to slice three goblins in half.
>By the time she's finished there is a fair pool of blood on the ground as well as goblin.. Bits.
>I managed to snipe a couple more of them that Kuntosali missed.
>Kuntosali marches up the hill to me covered head to toe in blood.
>She's breathing heavily.
>I get scared she's going to kill me too for not helping her.
>"Anon…"
>"y-y-y-y-y-yes-s-s-s-s?"
>"YOU SAVED ME!"
>"What?"
>"YOU SAVED ME ANON AND IT WAS SO ROMANTIC."
>"..."
>"YOU CAME OUT FROM BEHIND THE TENT AND KILLED LIKE 50 OF THEM AND WERE SO HEROIC AND HOT AND OH MY GOD THE WAY YOU JUST UNLOADED ON THEM WAS GREAT OH MY GOD."
>"..."
>"AND THAT GAVE ME A CHANCE TO BEAT UP A FEW OF THEM."
>beat up? A few? What
>"AND YOU SAVED ME ANON! JUST LIKE KYLE REESE SAVED SARAH CONNOR!"
>She goes in for the hug but I shy away.
>"Oh I am covered in blood aren't I?"
>"I keep some clothing in the car you can use that Kuntosali."
>"Ok!"

>I'm wholey expecting her to expect breeding when she gets back to the tent so I'm doing some stretches because she gets furious if I cramp.
>As in "ANON YOU PIECE OF SHIT YOU FUCKING DO THIS SHIT WHEN WE'RE BREEDING YOU ROUND EARED NIGGER!" while she chokes me with one hand and punches through the mattress with the other kind of angry.
>When Kuntosali opens the tent she's wearing one of my T-shirts with pink panties and is stretching it to the max.
>Her nipples are going to break through at any moment and her breasts have the fabric turning transparent from stretching.
>It doesn't even cover her upper body.
>It just somehow manages to cover her chest while leaving her lower midriff exposed.
>"I… I guess I'm not your size…"
>"Yeah you think?"
>"Hey Anon could you open my bag and get out the purple bottle?"
>I toss her it.
>"Alright good we're going to need this?"
>"w-w-why?"
>Kuntosali looks at me cold in the eyes. Staring into my soul.
>"We need to dispose of the bodies."

>She goes around nonchalantly pouring the bottle onto each body and goblin bit.
>They turn to ash and she kicks the piles into the wind.
>I just follow.
>She finishes and pours it on the blood stains too.
>"Kuntosali why do you have that?"
>"In case of emergency! You never know when you need to hide some bodies!"
>"Did you have to use it before?"
>"Yeah lots of times silly! Why else do you think I carry it."
>what the fuck 

>We go back to the tent with my blood cold.
>I knew Kuntosali was a psycho bi-polar murder elf, but I didn't expect her to be on Doom Slayer American Psycho levels of it.
>"Alright Anon let's lie down!"
>I lie down and she takes my head in her arms.
>She nuzzles my head and sniffs my hair.
>"Mhmm you smell like gunsmoke and Anon."
>She leans down and gives me a smooch.
>From my point of view Kuntosali's legs go on forever.
>"Thanks for saving me Anon, you're my Kyle Reese."
>"Sure Kuntosali."
>"No breeding tonight though."
>"What?"
>She looks bashedly to the side.
>"Yeah disappointing I know… I even looked up the tectonic plates and checked for fissure so I knew this was good breeding ground."
>"Tectonic fissures?"
>"The goblin fuckers kind of ruined it."
>Her eyes are glossing over again with tears.
>She cries way too much for someone as scary as her.
>"I like being saved. Just because I'm so big I need saving too."
>Her knife ears are parted down and to the side.
>"The goblin called me a cunt too."
>The tears are really streaming now.
>"Hey Kuntosali I got an idea."
>"What is it?"
>"What if I called you K from now on?"
>"Why?"
>"Well everytime I say Kuntosali I kinda have to say cunt… and it saves time."
>"OHH SURE! Nicknames are cute!"
>"Yeah they are."
>"Plus boyfriends give their girlfriends nicknames right!"
>"I guess so yeah."
>"I love it!"
>If I had to pick another nickname though it would have been something like "Killer," "Doom Slayer," "Blonde murder machine," "knife ear nuke," or "Breeding Baron." 
>When we get back we need to watch Blade Runner 2049 for Ryan Reynolds as K.
>Wait probably not because it has a murder bot girl… fuck.
>She's stopped crying and is now aggressively cuddling.
>"Thanks for saving me Anon. Thank you so much!"
>She's trying to be cute and wraps her legs around me while putting my head in her chest.
>Her legs are like steel beams and press down and me.
>Plus the way she sandwiches me between her thighs doesn't help.
>It's kind of nice in its own way though.
>K sniffing my head is kind of creepy but it shows she cares.
>She's also really warm and it is still a little cold outside.
>Plus the bullet holes are letting sunlight in.
>K starts nibbling my ears a little bit 
>Murder elf ASMR engage
>while whispering how thankful she is for me saving her.
>She doesn't let up on that does she?
>"Anon you smell so nice and taste so nice."
>She moves down to biting my neck and squeezes me between her legs and arms.
>It feels like a hydraulic press.
>From the way she's biting my neck she must think it's playful but it feels like a vampire is trying to take a chunk out.
>"Anon if goblins ever attack us again I'm going to fucking kill them all."
>"K it'll be fine don't wor--"
>"If anything were to happen to you I would kill everyone involved and then kill their family and then their friends and then the people who sells them stuff and their neighbors and their coworkers and their mailmen and anyone else."
>She enunciates the last point with a breathy moan and another round of furious biting on my neck.
>"Mgmmm you do taste good Anon. Really good."
>My entire neck is going to be a giant hickey and I'm going to have to explain for the next week I fell or something.
>K keeps biting harder and harder it's starting to hurt now.
>Her canines are really sharp too.
>"Hey K could you ease up a little bit on my neck?"
>"Sorry Anon… I'll be gentle."
>"Thanks."
>She goes back to gentle nibbling but quickly returns to her furious biting.
>I give up and just let it go praying she doesn't break the skin.
>She cuddles even closer and has wrapped herself around my body.
>I don't think shooting her would get her to let go at this point.
>But her embrace is warm and loving, if not a little bit scary and violent.
>I drift off to sleep as Kuntosali thanks me for the new nickname and rambles off with her usual lovey dovey stuff.
>"Oh Anon I'll build us a house and I'll put guard posts on it so we can shoot goblin niggers who stray too close into our neighborhood, I'll make sure we have a bunker with a self destruct sequence too! I'll set up a .50 with a tripod on top too!"
>"I'll make sure you always come home so we can breed."
>"We'll go to sleep breeding and I'll wake you up with breeding! Then you can take a shower and I'll have breakfast ready with your lunch for the day with dinner at home."
>"Then we can look for new guns to buy or sell and I'll have a nice home gym to work out in."
>"And we can go out shooting every weekend or we can just buy land that houses our own range and it's just going to be us together."
>"And when we want to we can start an entire elf family."
>"That sounds nice."
>"OH OH OH ANON! You should come with me to visit my family! They're just like me you'll love them!"
>oh no.