id: 150
name: Black Forest Witches / Black Forest Anon
author: BBarbarossa
date: 30th December 2020
text len: 32948
views: 76

>be me
>riding my trail motorbike up a narrow road through the black forrest
>few people dare to enter the dark, unsettling place it has become since the /k/onvergance
>yet here I am again, even more proof I'm either dumb, insane, or both
>the dwindling rays of the setting sun are even more reason to race like a madman
>venturing this deep in here during the day is already suicidal enough
>something in the corner of my eyes catches my attention, instantly slam both brakes
>rip shotgun out of scabbard, dismount and go to investigate
>rotting deer carcass is laying by the wayside, looks like it's been dragged here
>something wants to mark its territory, something very nasty judging by the ripped up state of the cadaver
>throat ripped out, limbs twisted, bowels torn out and shredded
>nervously check both barrels of my sawn off beauty, of course they are loaded
>not sure whether the deer was still alive when it was dragged here, but most of the carnage definitely took place here
>fuck this, I'm out of here
>walking back to my bike, get a strong sense of being watched halfway
>continue at steady pace, have to resist the urge to look back over my shoulder
>slight rustling to the left behind me
>spin around to see a dark shape leaping towards me, instantly blast its center with both barrels of buckshot
>drop shotgun and pull out my makarov without thinking, two rounds more into the center, then three into its head
>fighting the urge to tactically shit myself, adrenaline rush not exactly helpful with calming down
>step forward to take a closer look at the fucker
>completely hairless, dark grey skin and a head that weirdly looks like a mix of shark and komodo dragon
>shitload of sharp teeth, long legs, especially the hind legs, fucked up proportions overall
>worst of all, it's still breathing, despite the state of its rib cage and three 9x18 rounds inside its skull
>fucking abomination, safe bet this one came from the area around the monolith portal
>all the weird shit in this forrest does


>decide I can't stand these soulless, staring eyes anymore
>pick up my shotgun, offer the monstrosity the /k/ubes mercy with a 12 gauge slug straight through its temple
>reload and drag the beast to the side of the road
>take two photos with my phone, then use the butt of my gun to smash some of the teeth out 
>ugly fucker, but no reason not to get a little trophy
>back in the saddle I decide against cutting the rest of my way short by going offroad
>don't wanna be ambushed by another of these beasts in the thick of the forrest
>continue to race up and down the dirt road, I swear something tried to keep up with me inside the brush
>gives up eventually, but the stamina and speed of these creatures has me on edge
>one coordinated pack of them and I'm minced meat
>finally the lights of the Hexenhof show up in the distance, it's weird to be glad to see them every time
>this old farmstead deep in the northern black forrest is now the home of a coven of witches
>drive past the big farmhouse and up to the gate of the second barn
>Johanna is already standing next to it, waiting for me
>"What took you so long, aren't you usually the one who always complains about others being late?"
>"It's cute when you worry about me"
>this shuts her up while I push my bike into the barn
>let myself fall on my pile of straw and blankets, my hand wandering to my hip flask
>pissedoffwitch.jpeg
>"What the fuck do you think you're doing?"
>"All I want right now is some Irish whiskey and some rest"
>"You can rest after paying your respects to the Hexenmutter"
>of course, the witchmother, ignoring this ancient beast would be the most reckless thing I'd have done today
>say "You're right", get up and start walking towards the main house
>built like a typical house of this region, but a little bigger and very old by the looks of it
>has given me the creeps from the start of my work for the coven, hence why I sleep in the barn
>I'd feel safer sleeping in a haunted dragon dildo museum


>get to the door after passing by the herb garden, the air around it is enough to make me nauseous
>after entering the house we walk up a creaking wooden staircase and enter the living room
>old Helga, better known as witchmother, is sitting in an old rocking chair by the fireplace, smoking her pipe as always
>it looks extremely /comfy/, but the house itself still gives me the jitters, I couldn't possibly relax here
>the witchmother looks up to me and smiles, it's deceiving how much she looks like a harmless, small old lady
>a moment later her piercing glare reminds me that she's an incredibly old witch, no clue how old or where she came from
>she's been here since the /k/onvergance, maybe longer, and has been initiating and training new witches ever since
>I only started working with her because I wanted to look after my childhood friend Johanna
>"Welcome back anon, I hope you had no problems on your way here"
>I know I'm late, for fucks sake
>"Good evening witchmother, I've brought you a little something"
>hand her a can of tobacco I kept ready for this moment, visitors always have to bring her gifts
>continue with "I ran into a little monster problem on my way here, maybe you can tell me what this is"
>open the pictures on my phone, hand it to her together with the teeth
>her eyes widen a little and her cheerful masquerade freezes for a split second
>"Where did you find this, anon? I'm assuming you took your usual route"
>did this creepy hag really just imply I would literally go out of my way to find shit like this?
>"Of course I did, this thing attacked me on the way up the last mountain before this one, while I was inspecting a carcass, probably a mark of its territory"
>hands me back my phone, keeps one of the teeth clenched in her fist and starts mumbling unintelligibly with her eyes closed
>suddenly bursts out cursing in what I assume is old high German, throws the tooth back at me
>thanks, I guess


>she finally calms down, but judging by the faces of Johanna and another witch that only just entered the room this is really bad
>"You're lucky you survived this attack anon, these creatures make a werewolf on mushrooms look cute"
>not sure what to say, the old witches outbreak made it feel as if the room was shrinking around us
>"I didn't expect them to venture this far from the stone, certainly not so close to us, this is a problem"
>so they really come from the monolith
>mumble "by the /k/ube" without thinking
>witchmother looks at me puzzled, then quickly goes back to explaining the situation
>"You've probably heard about this stone before, the monolith that showed up here together with the portals"
>nod my head, notice two more witches entering the living room, start whispering with the other witch
>Johanna is making herself useful by lighting a few more candles, have yet to see a light switch in this house
>"Most other places all over the world had people from both sides crossing over, for better or worse"
>have to think about the greenskin problem in the rest of the country, it sure as shit has gotten worse
>"But here, the monolith appeared, only one thing is certain about it: it is magical, incredibly powerful and it has started to change the world around it"
>no shit, people used to live all over the black forest, now almost nobody does
>according to some rumors the people closer to the monolith went completely insane
>"These creatures appear to be highly resistant to magic, probably because of their origin, getting rid of them will be almost impossible by magical means"
>waves Johanna over and impatiently addresses both of us
>"You two will further investigate the creatures, the size of their territory, their number, whether or not they cooperate and anything else you can find out" 
>Johanna just nods, albeit with a pale, fearful expression on her face
>no point in arguing with old Helga
>at least I've lived a decent life


>get woken up by Johanna next day, she's brought some breakfast to the barn
>black bread, ham, some milk
>start planning, check my gear at the same time
>"Any idea how we to survive this, Han?"
>2 rounds of buckshot in the gun, 19 spare shells
>"Even if they can't be harmed by magic, maybe they can be fooled by it"
>8 plus 1 rounds of 9x18 in my makarov, 2 full spare mags, 20 more rounds in a small bag
>she doesn't sound very confident
>don't press her on it, insecurity probably won't help with the witchy stuff
>"I guess that'll have to do it"
>distribute the spare mags and some buck shells in my belt pouch, the other shells go into my pockets, bag with pistol into the backpack
>"You don't know a spell to summon a FAL out of thin air, do you?"
>check my knife, unnecessary but holding it is calming for some reason
>"What's a FAL, anon?"
>"Never mind"
>look over to her, she's wearing her usual dark hippie clothes, plus some climbing shoes
>suddenly looks like she's remembered something, hands me a leather string with a small piece of wood attached
>"It's a talisman I've made for you, in case your luck ever runs out"
>put talisman around neck, don't really feel a difference
>"Uh, thanks Han"
>we head out
>get close to where I lost my pursuer the evening before, Johanna suddenly stops
>signals to be silent, then closes her eyes and starts mumbling to herself
>mumbling intensifies over the following minute
>abruptly stops, the air around me feels strange, heavier in a weird way
>"This should help us hide from them" Johanna whispers
>raise my eyebrow
>"I thought they were immune to your magic"
>am I being an ass?
>"To destructive magic, but there's a chance I can still trick them with it"
>nod
>continue walking parallel to the dirt road
>slower now, shotgun at the ready
>the bright morning sun makes being sneaky hard
>for them too I hope
>shortly after see something by the road
>fuck, a naive part of me was hoping not to find something like this
>carcass.jpg


>mutilation is even worse on this one
>looks like it happened this morning, the smell almost makes Johanna of us throw up
>surmise "probably a really large boar, killed, then dragged here and torn to pieces as a warning"
>"So what do we do now?"
>judging by her face only the fear of her elder is keeping her from turning around and running as far away as possible
>"If the monster dismembered it here, maybe we can find some tracks or blood stains to follow"
>finding the tracks leading away from the carnage isn't easy, but at least following them is
>mark the location of the carcass on map before leaving
>both of us are on edge, only communicate via looks and gestures from this point onwards
>tracks eventually lead down into a dark valley
>spot small cave in mountainside opposite to us, tracks probably lead there
>decide to just observe from a distance, no reason to test how well Johannas witchcraft can hide us
>nothing happens for half an hour
>just before we can get bored enough to do something risky we hear it
>crunching of leaves and small branches, instinctively know it's quadrupedal by the rhythm
>then a creature emerges between the trees from the end of the valley opposite to where we came from
>built like fucker I killed yesterday, four long, muscular legs with clawed feet, alien looking head with tons of sharp teeth, grey skin
>just that it's bigger than the last one, shoulders at roughly my height
>it's also covered in nasty looking scars
>/k/ube, grant me a .50 cal so I can smite this abomination in your name
>doesn't seem to have noticed us, continues heading for the cave
>stops roughly 10 meters in front of it
>kaijuroar.mp3


>instinctively put my arm around Johanna as we both cower down, frozen in fear
>slowly other monsters emerge from the cave, closer in size to the one I downed
>would still prefer them to be smaller, house cat sized maybe
>count nine of them coming out of the cave, then a second big one exits
>pretty much as large as the visitor, but not as bulky and nowhere near the amount of scars
>large ones start growling and barking at each other, getting louder and more aggressive
>sounds guttural, raspy, even gurgly at times
>then both just stare at each other, baring their teeth
>pack leader eventually backs down, lowering its head before the scarred one
>scarred one roars again, this time answered from all around the valley
>we realize the same second as the pack leader that his submission just saved his life
>scarred monster just turns around, walks off without a second glance to other ones
>Johanna and I exchange looks, then nope the hell out of this fucking place
>slowly at first, but in full sprint shortly after exiting the valley
>only stop after we've made it past the cadaver we started at in the morning
>"What the fuck, Han, what the fuck are we supposed to do now?"
>her face is a mix of fear, disgust and anger
>"I don't know. But old Helga will know, she always knows what to do"
>keep doubts to myself, this is not the time to argue about the wisdom of her beloved witchmother
>it's dusk by the time we reach the farmstead
>the witchmother and some other members of the coven are already waiting outside
>never seen so many witches in one place
>don't even bother with formalities despite that fact, report on what we found with Johanna interjecting here and there
>point out locations of the carcass and the cave on my map
>Helga hasn't moved a single muscle ever since we started our report, just nods once we're finished


>her expression softens once she notices Johannas frightful expression
>"Both of you did well today, I'm glad that you're alive. Go and rest now, you're safe here."
>head to the barn with Johanna following me
>we crash on the hay pile like puppets with cut strings
>adrenaline and survival instinct is what got us through this day
>next morning a witch I don't know comes in to wake us up
>we're lead into the dining hall of the coven, in the ground floor of the house
>entire coven must be here, waiting for us
>the witchmother is flanked by the two other elder witches, auntie Frida and Lotte
>Frida too looks like a typical mild grannie, Lotte looks like a secretary around 60, but with the muscles of an ork champion and a cold gaze that alone could intimidate said ork
>old Helga is just sitting in her rocking chair again, blowing smoke rings
>notice a big map of the forest on the table in front of her, with the spots of yesterday marked in red
>there's a third marking, I don't even need to ask
>the monolith
>"I've already explained everything to the others so you wouldn't have to"
>old Helga is smiling her deceptively harmless old lady smile
>"The inner circle of our coven has argued most of the night about how we should deal with this situation"
>the entire room is silent, no one even dares breathe loudly while the witchmother speaks
>"We have beasts from the portal at our doorstep, their territory threatening our own"
>her gaze wanders around the faces of the coven during the following sentence
>"Their otherworldly nature makes them highly resistant to magic, so our usual methods will prove ineffective at best and dangerous at worst"
>Lottes frown is growing with each word
>"Which is why I have decided that we will turn to unusual methods. This is why you're here, Anon"
>all the witches have their eyes on me
>"What are you asking me to do, witchmother?"
>her smile is shifting to a cunning grin
>"You will gather a group of men as crazy and trigger happy as yourself"


>spend rest of the morning eating and listening to the witchmothers plans
>ham, black bread, tons of sausage
>witches might be hippie weirdos, but they know their meat
>Helgas plan boils down to an expedition to the monolith
>it's the center of monster activity
>the hired guns will be tasked with clearing the way and protecting the witches
>prepare to head home around noon
>Frida hands me some bags just before I leave
>shit, forgot my job during all that chaos
>witchmother probably forgot too
>usually I'm just a delivery boy for the witches
>herbs, potions, amulets, you name it
>hug Johanna, then speed off
>speed up even more once I enter the monster territory
>don't look to the sides or check my mirrors
>just speed down the road at breakneck speed
>the winding roads in this forested mountain range can be a real challenge
>fucking monsters, this could be so much fun
>eventually make it out of the mountains and the woods
>finally make it to the ruins of Ettlingen
>used to be one of the larger towns in the area
>tons of people flocked there during the collapse 15 years ago when the portals first opened
>got ravaged by orcs on their way north just two years later
>some people still live there, maintaining a supply station in the old palace
>but most of the town belongs to goblins and wild dogs
>the palace is a large rectangular baroque building, the last stand of the town against the orcs left it in bad shape
>still much better than the rest of the town
>supply station guards already know me, open the gate after seeing my face
>they belong to a branch of the militia from Karlsruhe
>mostly made up of boomers, hunters and former Bundeswehr soldiers
>ragtag gear and no discipline, but at least better behaved than mercs
>park bike in the courtyard and head to the office of the overseer


>enter the office after knocking, don't even wait for a signal to come in
>the overseer eyes me with a mix of annoyance and suspicion
>fuck him, he always looks like that
>his men probably piss in his cereal
>but knowing him, who wouldn't?
>"You again, anon? This is the third time this month, have these fucking witches started to mass produce their shitty love potions?"
>"Hey Frank, just business as usual. Though next time it won't be"
>he squints his eyes
>"What's that supposed to mean?"
>"The witches want to hire some guns, thought I'd give you a heads-up before you guys open up on me when I bring them there"
>Frank groans
>"I fucking hate mercs. Make sure they don't cause me trouble, otherwise you won't be welcome here anymore"
>devilishgrin.jpeg
>"I'll try"
>refuel and get the fuck out
>it's just a couple of minutes to Karlsruhe
>one of the few surviving big cities in the south of the country
>same orcs that destroyed Ettlingen more than ten years ago got stopped here
>southern district around the train station became a battlefield
>now the northern half of the city is surrounded by a wall made up of sandstone, concrete and rubble
>there's actually a bit of traffic around the city gate, mostly old cars and small tractors
>militia guards at the city gate don't give a shit about my guns
>open carry used to be illegal when I was born, now it is your duty as a citizen
>I guess not everything about the collapse is bad
>traffic in the city is also a lot better than it used to be, at least from what oldtimers have told me
>make it to my shitty apartment without issue
>it's around 3pm
>take a well deserved shower
>this little bit of luxury is the reason I still live in this trash heap and not innawoods
>well, this and the money I make here
>grab guns and witch bags once I'm dry, still have work to do
>decide to walk since it'll get late and I don't want greenskins to steal my bike


>notice how cloudy this afternoon has become
>the sky is trying it's best to look as grey and dirty as this fucked up ruin of a town
>I wouldn't mind some rain right now, the streets look dirty and my hair is still wet anyway
>guess I should get somebody to cut it
>maybe Johanna, I bet she'd like that
>can see the shop after maybe 20 minutes of walking
>"Magiehandel Zeiser", a  dark cornerstore for magical, paranormal and otherworldly wares
>enter the store and walk past the counter into a back room, paying no attention to the costumers
>girl at the counter doesn't care or greet me, probably a new hire
>this room is mostly used for storage, set the bags down next to a small table in a corner
>the lanky goth who's already sitting at the table looks up from painting his ancient looking Warhammer figures
>"Nice to see you anon, how was your trip?"
>pull out the other chair and sit down
>"Don't even ask, at least not while I'm still sober"
>are space marines supposed to look this angry?
>whatever
>"That bad? Well, I guess that's what we get for dealing with witches"
>"We? Come on Max, when did the witches or the forest give you any trouble? You don't even go there"
>his look makes me shut up
>"I made the trips a few times, until they hired you for their deliveries I had to go and get the wares from them"
>shit, I didn't know that
>I guess they really don't like leaving their forest
>fucking hippies
>"Hey, do you by chance know any mercs looking for a short but well paid?"
>Max rolls his eyes
>"Do you know any people selling unpainted Warhammer miniatures?"
>shit, he's got a point
>I'm the crazy gun nut, not him
>"You're right, just wanted to ask to be sure"
>he relaxes a bit and leans back in his chair
>"Sorry for being a dick about it, training our newbie has been annoying as fuck"
>"I can imagine"
>he sighs
>"She's so fucking airheaded, I'd think she was a knife ear if I hadn't checked before hiring her"
>oh shit, Max might start ranting about elves again
>time to go


>"Well, I'll go and look for some mercs, see you"
>notice the worried expression on his face as I get up
>"Short but well paid work is dangerous as fuck, especially for mercs. Take care, anon"
>he doesn't even know how right he is
>well, time to meet some future brothers in arms
>pass the market square on my way and decide to grab something to eat
>no way I'm doing this on an empty stomach
>a quick look into my wallet makes me less hungry
>I'll be drinking later, and booze is expensive
>fine, currywurst will have to do
>a snack and half an hour of walking later I arrive at the last destination of my day
>turn and head into an alley to my left
>the big sign in the shape of an iron fist hanging over the entrance perfectly tells you what kind of place this is
>I take a deep breath, then open the door and enter the tavern "Zur Eisernen Hand"
>feels as if my eyes have to adjust despite it not being exactly bright outside
>the inside of the iron hand is big, the interior looks very old, almost medieval
>small groups of people and even some non humans are sitting at small wooden tables and at the bar
>spot a familiar face as I look around
>he spots me at the same time and immediately starts shouting
>"Anon! Glad to see you again you wannabe witchfucker. I thought your corpse would be rotting in some ditch by now"
>don't even try to suppress my wide grin as I walk over to his table
>"Bodil, you stunted retard! Are your manners so bad because your mother was too busy combing lice out of her beard?"
>both me and the dwarf in biker getup laugh, then he embraces me in a bone crushing hug before I can step back
>"Good to see you lad, it's been too long since we've had some drinks together"
>greet the others with a nod and sit down
>four humans, two dwarves, all of them bikers
>madmax.jpg
>the table is filled with tankards and gun parts
>great, Bodil is cleaning his AK again, he always does after his sixth beer
>no clue how he is still alive with this habit, in his line of work


>seems like he's actually already done cleaning
>pay close attention while Bodil reassembles his gun
>fucking dwarves, he's much more dexterous and quicker in a semi drunk state than I'll ever be sober
>speaking of which
>"Be right back, I've got to grab a drink"
>get up and make my way to the bar
>Gottfried is just sitting on a chair behind it and smoking his pipe, as always
>slide my ass onto the barstool right in front of him
>he grins
>"Anon, it's been a while. Still the usual?"
>someone bumps into me from behind before I can answer
>knocks me to my left
>try to regain some balance with the barstool, slam my hand on the bar to push myself in the opposite direction
>it doesn't work
>feel the stool slip away and fall down underneath me
>then I slam into the guy next to me
>he gets knocked down too
>luckily nobody right next to him, otherwise this drunk domino game would have gone on
>stand up, still dazed from the sudden fall
>look around to see who bumped into be
>why does this place have to be so dark and smoke-filled?
>turn around to help the guy I got knocked into to his feet
>just to get a close-up of the fist that sends me flying once more
>it's dark
>what the fuck just happened?
>open my eyes, guy is now standing above me, holding onto my shirt with the left while raising his right
>a heavy stoneware tankard hits his head just as his fist starts to travel again
>then all hell breaks loose
>a single thrown tankard just turned a one sided beating into an all out brawl
>punches, kicks and more tankards are thrown
>try to crawl out from underneath the now knocked out merc
>suddenly Bodil pulls me up on my legs, pushes me to the bar and then jumps back into the fray, laughing maniacally
>I'm still completely disoriented and don't know what to do
>decide to kick the guy that punched me in the ribs
>not the way I was raised, but still, fuck that guy
>suddenly hear a thunderous crack right behind me


>the brawl stops even more abruptly than it started
>my ears are ringing
>everybody pretty much froze, staring at the origin of the sound
>Gottfried still has his FAL raised, pointing straight up
>damn, these things are loud indoors
>he then relaxes his stance, gun at the ready, the barrel slightly depressed
>"Every single one of you cunts knows exactly how highly I value my peace and quiet"
>peace and QUIET
>and this crazy old bastard just fired off at fucking battle rifle indoors
>no one dares to point out the irony
>"But since I know exactly how it started I can't say I blame you for throwing that tankard, Bodil"
>the dwarf nervously grumbles into his beard
>"The next round is on you, you bearded abortion"
>both are staring at each other
>intense as fuck
>Bodils eyes dart to his almost reassembled AK for a second, then back
>I'm not the only one holding his breath, am I?
>"Ah, for fucks sake. Drink to my health, boys!"
>raised tankards, vodka bottles and roaring all around
>Gottfried puts his FAL back under the bar
>pours dark lager and mead into a huge tankard and hands it to me
>"This can't hurt today since you've already been hit in the head anyway"
>he's probably right
>Bodil is already back to his cheerful self by the time I return to the table
>"Hope yer face doesn't feel as bad as it looks"
>thanks asshole
>"Luckily I've got something to help me with that"
>gulp some of my liquid headache down
>the bikers just grin, though the other dwarves seem a bit disappointed
>probably because the brawl ended too soon
>well, I better get to the job offer before I get to shitfaced
>"By the way, I didn't just come here today just to get drunk"
>give them the short version of what happened in the Black Forest
>all of them seem interested
>but it comes down to their leaders decision
>Bodil is pumped
>pumped manlet of anarchy
>"Lad, you had me at killing monsters. The only thing that makes me stand the constant greenskin jobs is that I get to fucking massacre them"


>we drink to war crimes against greenskins
>the mead-beer mix is tasty, but I can feel that this won't end well
>"By the way, what's the pay like? The boss has already agreed, but the five of us will not be enough from what I've heard"
>human biker number two is right, mercs care first and foremost about their pay
>fuck off, I know I'm terrible with names
>"You'll get a fat stack of cash, either in old paper or dwarven gold, whichever you prefer. The other option would be the witches owing you a favor"
>he slowly nods
>"So the exact sum will be negotiated in person?"
>as if an old hyena like the witchmother would leave that to me
>"Pretty much, though I'd take the favor if I were you. They are as powerful as they are crafty, but they keep their word"
>Bodil leans back and strokes his dark beard
>it's extremely well groomed, a contrast to his worn out black leathers
>"I've got another crew in mind, weirdos, but reliable ones, and more importantly packin' enough firepower to take this job"
>his tone sounds off
>"What's wrong with them? And do I feel like I haven't heard about them before?"
>some of the guys at the table look downright uncomfortable
>"Weirdos just doesn't cut it. They're humans, from this world, but their group formed one the other side"
>now I get it
>"So they're adventurers that went to your home world?"
>"Aye, of the first hour from what I've heard. Outcasts that never found their place. Spent over a decade constantly fighting, becoming ever more deranged and bloodthirsty. They're broken men, but excellent at what they do"
>real /k/ommandos
>perfect, just the kind of crazy the witches ordered
>"A random portal spat them out near the city a few weeks ago, and they wasted no time establishing themselves"
>finish my drink
>"So Bodil, could you take me to them tomorrow?"
>once again his bearded grin
>"Of course, but before that we have to take care of something else"


>"How can I help you, Bodil?"
>he takes yet another gulp of beer
>"It's not about you helping me, quite the opposite actually. You'll need a better gun for this job, and I'll help ya pick one"
>fuck yes
>lets drink to that
>we drink even more
>notice how my field of vision seemingly shrinks shortly after the second refill
>eventually stumble back home
>I think
>must have, I recognize the cracks in the concrete above me
>my head feels as if it had spent the night in a vice
>only the looming threat of throwing up gets me out of bed
>mead-beer mix, you cruel bitch, why do you always hurt me like that?
>crawl to the bathroom
>just lay on the floor for a second, the cold tiles feel great on my forehead
>pull myself up, splash my face with water and drink some of it
>no matter how incompetent the ruling council is, at least they've managed to keep the water running
>more than can be said for most places
>shuffle into my dirty kitchen for some breakfast
>the morning sun peeking in through the cracked window makes my hangover feel like a light case of vampirism
>at least I've got my black bread with butter and some leftover sausage
>I feel like shit, but the moment it has this weird serenity to it
>BANG
>for fucks sake
>BANG
>what demon did I offend to suffer so much?
>BANG BANG
>"Let me eat my breakfast in peace or I'll tear your fucking throat out"
>the banging on the door stops
>BANG
>fuck this
>stomp towards the door
>grab double barrel on the way
>still in my boxers, don't care
>it'll be the last thing the fucker sees anyway
>rip the door open, only to be greeted by a dwarf in a leather jacked
>his dark brown beard framing his usual shit-eating grin
>"Hey anon, you look fookin terrible"
>lower the shotgun, still kinda want to shoot him though
>"And you still look too short and inbred to be a gay biker in the next mad max movie"
>"They're not still makin' movies over there, are they?"
>sometimes these otherworlders are incredibly naive


>"I don't think so, probably as busy with the fairy tale apocalypse as we are"
>he frowns
>"Aye, though I really like the few ones that I've seen, damn shame"
>hurry up with my food and getting dressed
>hate making people wait, it just feels rude
>it's only a short drive to the gun shop
>Bodils bike looks like a monster made from polished scrap
>building a dwarf-compatible one from old parts must be challenging
>the wind on my face disperses the rest of my hangover
>soon enter the western part of the city
>less burnt out ruins compared to the south, but still more than in the center
>enter what used to be a cafe after stopping in a side street
>but there are no coffee tables, just racks filled with guns
>a section to the left of the entrance is filled with modern tactical clothes and equipment, as well as metal armor
>there's a mannequin wearing chain mail and an old east German NVA helmet
>instead of a cute barista, we're greeted by a stocky man with piercing grey eyes
>his indifferent expression changes once he notices the dwarf
>"Bodil, haven't seen you in a while, how did you manage to run out of ammo so quickly this time?"
>the dwarf and the manlet shake hands, watching them makes me feel like the tallest man in the world
>"I still got a few boxes left, this time I'm helping young anon here pick a decent rifle"
>the shopkeeper takes a short look at me
>"With a friend like that you won't need my help, just give me a shout once you're done picking one out"
>don't react, I've already fallen for the siren song of the gun racks
>most full sized rifles are shitty old hunting rifles though
>a lot of them with much more recent modifications, bad ones at that
>even find what appears to be an old Volkssturm rifle
>neat, but still shitty
>at this point Bodil drags me away from the used rifles
>opens a crate in the back of the room, seems like he knows exactly what he's looking for
>"Come on lad, we've got another appointment and this is the best you'll find here"