/k/ day
>wake up
>uuuugh, what time is it?
>alarm clock says 5:45am
>overslept again
>got 30 minutes to get to my restaurant before I'm late
>my uncle Gregg left me a fast-food place in his will called GREGG'S EGG AND LEGG
>mainly focuses on various ways to serve fried chicken
>he got some sudden onset illness, barely had 6 months to live after diagnosis
>didn’t have much going for me when my uncle approached me with the idea of running it 
>it was his pride and joy and he really wanted it to stay in the family
>he was always telling me “anon, the key is in the family”
>he spent his last months doing his best teaching me how to run it
>not exactly what I imagined doing with my life
>I don’t run it perfectly nor do I have the best business sense
>still open and still turning a profit though
>pays way better than working for someone else
>save most of the money so I can buy a house without getting a mortgage one day
>spend whatever is left on guns and ammo
>spending way too much on guns actually
>gotta curtail that soon
>the restaurant is a smaller place in a mildly rural area
>main building is about 25’ by 25’
>small storage shed and dumpster in back
>parking spaces and a handful of picnic tables out front
>drive thru on right side
>5 total employees
>John and Peter mostly stay on front end 
>Mark and Andrew mostly stay on back end 
>Thomas’ sole responsibility is to get here at 4AM to unload the supply truck
>gotta get to work
>jump out of bed
>take the fastest shower of my life
>throw on my uniform
>grab my xdm chambered in 10mm off my nightstand and holster it 6 o'clock
>love that pistol like you would not believe
>no one can tell me not to "conceal" a full-size pistol
>I’m the owner, who's gonna fire me?
>also keep a spare mag and a cold steel recon tanto on my hip
>I keep it razor sharp
>blatantly tacticool, but it makes a good box cutter
>while I’m at it, I keep a Yugo m92 and plate carrier with plates in my trunk
>yes, I do larp in the store when no one is there, and no, there is nothing you can do about it
>driving to work
>thinking about the shitposting last night
>people were saying that we’re gonna merge with a fantasy world today
>horseshit right?
>as if that would ever happen
>the main thing I remember is that if it did happen, all the generic fantasy races would also appear and orcs and goblins should be immediately killed on sight
>killed faster than blue helmets even
>get to work just on time
>get a text from Thomas saying there was something fucky with the truck this morning and to check the walkin and dry storage to look at what we got
>odd
>John is rolling in just as I am
>Him and Mark are the people at the restaurant I trust the most to be able to run things without me being there
>John normally takes opening, and Mark normally takes closing
>I alternate between opening and closing and am always here for midshift
>walk on in
>front end is a mess
>Peter closed front end last night, he better have a good reason for this
>at least back end is already getting up and running
>have John hastily clean frontend as I go check out the walkin
>way less chicken than usual, but a metric ton more buttermilk, bacon, and eggs
>check dry storage
>way less cooking oil than usual, but a heck of a lot of buns, seasoning, and cornstarch
>never had this happen before 
>hope we have enough supplies to make it through today
>return to front end and help finish cleaning and prep
>customers start rolling into the drive through
>another day, another dollar
>8 am
>hear helicopters flying overhead
>military base about 15 miles to the north
>not particularly concerned 
>glance outside
>full formation of Blackhawks flying overhead
>don’t see that every day
>ok, maybe I am a little concerned
>probably just a training exercise 
>not gonna bother closing so early
>11pm
>food is flowing 
>didn't even have any porch monkeys yelling over some petty bullshit
>got so tired of dealing with customers in the dining room
>closed the dining room and blamed covid
>what are they gonna do about it?
>everything is actually running smoothly today
>didn't even have any callouts
>a little slow today though
>look out the drive through window randomly
>massive convoy rolling past
>alright, something has to be going on
>1pm
>all employees are here, first shift is about to clock out
>ran out of one of the dipping sauces
>hate it when that happens 
>people always get pissed
>is their life really so sad that they get pissed over not having one specific sauce
>whatever, I get their money either way
>hear something going on in the drive though
>probably gonna have to deal with that one myself
>could I have just one day where everything runs smoothly
>"Hey John, can you cover me for a sec, I gotta go deal with that"
>"Heard"
>"Thanks"
>walk on out to drive through
>just some coons pissing themselves because I took fruit parfaits off the menu
>jokes on them
>only they order it, so I never stocked it anyway
>tell them we have none and it won't be coming back
>they get more fucking pissed
>I'm tired of this bullshit
>comp some of their meal just to get them out of my sight
>start heading back inside
>as I’m walking back in hear gunshots
>if it's those fucking niggers again after I comped their meal, I’m banning all niggers
>look off in the direction of the gunshots
>a group of three honest-to-god orcs are standing across the street holding pieces of rebar
>one has what looks like a really shitty pipe shotgun
>this can’t be some cosplay bullshit
>never even heard of a comicon happening out here
>they start walking towards the restaurant
>actually what in the world is going on
>were the shitposters actually right
>I knew I should have closed earlier
>they start yelling something i can’t make out in my direction 
>the one with the pipe shotgun fires off a round into the air
>all the customers gtfo
>these faggots just made me miss out on all that profit
>"everyone stop for a sec, turn off the fryers and take cover in the walkin, I don't want any of y'all dying on me", I yell into the store
>hard enough to find good help as it is
>they're crossing the street towards me
>like seriously how do you make a pipe shotgun look that retarded
>hipoints look like marvels of engineering compared to that
>and he’s shooting towards me now
>that’s it
>I’m going to kill these motherfuckers
>I have woken up way too early in the morning far too many times running this restaurant to let it all go to waste because some orc looking motherfuckers wrecked me
>I sprint around to the back door
>dive inside and draw my xdm
>stay behind the door
>keep the door cracked open
>this door is thick steel
>should be safe here
>hear the orcs getting close
>now or nothing
>slam open the door
>lean out, keeping as much of my body in the restaurant as possible
>see three orcs
>line up sights on the closest one
>two to the chest, one to the head
>muscle memory really pays off sometimes
>his buddy with the pipe shotgun turns to face me
>a round hits the wall to my right
>got too cocky
>lean back inside and take a few steps back
>I’ll just wait for them to come to me
>the remaining two burst through the door
>retards
>magdump mag in their direction before I become swiss cheese
>slide locks back
>one orc slumps to the ground, blood pumping onto the floor
> the other is just standing 5 feet away from me, he must have ran out of ammo
>crap
>he rushes me
>drop my pistol and draw my tanto
>I sperg and lunge forward, aiming for where a heart should be
>pray I don’t hit his ribs
>get lucky
>knife goes in to the hilt and hits no bone
>slide knife out as I feel an impact on my shoulder that sends me staggering back
>that’s gonna leave a nasty bruise
>don’t think he broke anything though
>he looks down with a shocked look on his face
>blood pumping out of the wound
>he looks at his dead companion
>he turns around and runs
>oh hell no
>you can’t just get away like that
>grab my pistol off the ground
>reload with spare mag
>step outside
>fire 5 shots center mass
>fire 3 shots to the head
>he drops
>10mm claims 3 more lives
>10mm chads cannot stop winning
>wait, fuck they are bleeding onto the floor and ground
>that shit's a health hazard
>really gotta conserve ammo if this is gonna be more common
>run back into the store
>wash off knife in dirty dish sink
>the employees are still taking cover
>can't blame them
>"hey John, can you help me drag these guys to the dumpster"
>"Anon what the hell is going on?"
>"I don't know, I don't particularly care just yet, all I know is some green corpses are causing a health hazard all over the floor"
>"good point"
>we drag two of the bodies out of the restaurant and over to the dumpster
>where did they even come from?
>and why did they attack me and my restaurant 
>sling the two bodies into the dumpster
>”Anon shouldn’t we call the cops”
>”guess we probably should have done that before we threw the bodies in a dumpster, call them anyway I guess”
>”I’m getting a dial tone but no one is picking up, weird”
>”let’s get back inside before we try and figure out why 911 isn’t responding”
>as I’m walking through back end, see the rest of the employees starting to get up and get back to work
>damn, I hired some good people if they didn’t bolt after that shit
>”alright everyone, I ain’t sure what’s going on but we’re closing up for today, clean up ASAP and I’ll pay everyone for the full day”
>that really gets them moving again
>go back to the cramped office for a second
>sit down at my desk and pull up drudge report
>first headline is “portals opening up across entire world”
>damnit
>the shitposters weren’t bluffing
>close drudge report
>pull up /pol/
>bunch of posts and footage of fucking fantasy creatures coming out of portals
>orcs, dwarves, elves, goblins, human/animal hybrids, rumors of skinwalkers, the whole 9 yards
>no way you could coordinate all of these retards for such a massive shitpost
>this might just be real and unironic
>this might be bad for my bottom line
>shut off computer
>go back out, start cleaning up front end
>finish and check back end
>everything is spotless other than the backdoor and doormat still covered in orc blood
>I’ll get it after everyone leaves
>”hey everyone, thanks for staying to close, go ahead and get home quick, shit might be going down”
>set the alarm system, don’t normally do this but I set the new proximity alarm i just had installed
>get an alert on my phone
>government alert warning people to stay in their homes and lock the doors
>thanks for the warning asshole
>start cleaning off the door
>something about this blood smells….familiar
>finish cleaning off door
>go to pull up doormat
 >can’t get it off the ground
>now that I think about it, this has never been taken off the ground and shaken out, just vacuumed
>pull harder
>nothing
>readjust my grip
>feet flat, back straight, shoulders back, squatting
>push off the ground with all my strength
>RRRRRRRRRRRRIP
>corner of the mat rips off the floor
>somehow it had been sewn into the floor to attach it
>what in the world
>draw my tanto and cut off the rest of the mat from the floor, unveiling a hatch
>on it is a small keyboard and an electronic lock with a screen
>it’s asking for a key
>my uncle never told me about any hatch or key, what am I supposed to do now?
>rack my brain for anything that could have been a key
>wait a second
>type in “in the family”
>hit enter
>screen flashes green and I hear it unlock
>kek
>of course he would pull something like that
>pull hatch up to reveal a ladder
>light flickers on under me
>climb down the ladder
>take a look around
>looks like I just hit jackpot
>it’s a prepper’s paradise down here
>tons of canned food and supplies
>few pallets of water and a few hand pump water filters
>small reloading setup in the corner
>rifle rack with 2 AKs and 4 AR-15s
>pistol rack with 2 Tanfoglio Witness Elites in 10mm and 4 Beretta 92FS’s
>what looks like about 30 loaded mags for each gun split between 3 chests plus another chest of loose ammo
>a full bar taking up an entire wall, stocked with a ton of mediocre quality liquor, a few handles of high quality liquor, a cocktail recipe book, a good amount of mixers, and bar equipment
>a small solar generator and 3 solar panels 
>an electric flat griddle, electric hotplate and a countertop electric fryer
>2 more rooms with bunk beds and bathrooms
>Gregg really set me up
>what a stroke of luck
>phone goes off
>got an email from the supplier
>won’t be getting a truck indefinitely due to “ongoing issues”
>crap
>I wonder how bad this is going to get
>proximity alarm goes off
>shit
>forgot to go to my car to grab my m92 and plates
>grab a Tanfoglio
>load a mag
>rack a round
>run up the ladder
>hear something trying to tamper with the lock on the front door
>lean in office and turn off alarm
>walk to the front door quietly
>deep breath in
>deep breath out
>unlock the door
>hear whispering on the other side
>yank open the door
>two goblins staring at me in shock
>yeah I don’t fucking think so
>BANG BANG
>both goblins drop, each with a decent size hole in their head
>very nice
>one hole looks a lot bigger than the other though
>take mag out to take a look at rounds
>interlaid +p hollow points and +p+ hard cast
>top kek
>my uncle was dangerously based
>slap the safety on and put the Tanfoglio in my pocket
>pick up the first goblin
>more blood sloshes onto the floor
>wait a sec
>the blood is kinda yellow and suspiciously translucent
>drop the goblin
>dab a finger in the goblin blood
>taste it
>this is cooking oil
>tastes like a mix between canola and avocado oil
>I don’t know why goblins have cooking oil coursing through their veins, but if this whole violent fantasy race thing is gonna go on I think I just solved one problem
>go back inside
>grab a 5 gal bucket
>return to the goblins
>pick the first up and slash across his carotid artery and make a thin incision vertically on his chest
>drain him like a juice box
>do the same to the second
>get about half of a gallon of oil total out of the two
>take the bucket to back end and put it by a fryer
>375 degrees better get rid of goblin aids
>gonna have to test that later
>take the goblins back to the dumpster
>oh right, I forgot to dispose of the orc that I stabbed
>although I’m curious
>if the goblin had cooking oil blood, what might the orc have
>I make a vertical slice down the middle of the chest along the sternum
>definitely normal looking blood
>although the flesh looks a little paler and more translucent that it should
>oh don’t fucking tell me
>the meat has probably spoiled but I gotta test something
>run to the bunker and grab a cheap handle of vodka
>run back to the orc 
>clean my knife off along the way
>cut off a small piece of breast meat
>cut off a super thin sliver
>douse it in vodka
>hope that kills most of the bacteria
>chew on the sliver
>spit it back out
>yep
>that’s fucking raw chicken
>doesn’t just taste like it
>the texture is the exact same too
>I might be onto something here
>you know
>it would be really stupid if
>ok ok I gotta check
>cut all the meat off of one of the orc legs, leaving just the bone
>slam the bone into the ground
>only gets a hairline fracture
>go to office and get a hammer
>hammer the bone against asphalt
>it shatters into fragments
>soak one of the fragments in vodka
>take it back inside
>set it on a counter
>lay a cloth underneath it and over it
>dry it off
>hammer the hell out of it
>taste it
>called it
>it tastes just like a clump of flour
>grab a goblin out of the dumpster
>repeat the process
>yep, fantasy bones are a flour substitute
>if I can figure out a way to grind this down with a mortar and pestle I might just be in business for an apocalypse restaurant
>but for today, I’m exhausted
>go grab my m92 and plates from my trunk
>put it all in the bunker
>unload the Tanfoglio, put it away, and reload my mags for my XDM while I’m at it
>take a shower in one of the bunker bathrooms
>make sure to get the blood out of my clothes while I’m at it
>still stained but whatever
>go back up to lock all the doors and reset the alarm
>return to the bunker, close the hatch
>pop open a can of boyardee ravioli
>pour a shot of vodka
>the perfect nightcap to an evening
>boot up a computer and start checking the news
>see there was a massive traffic accident on the highway right by me
>orcs crashed a few cars which caused gridlock
>they went down the line grabbing people out of their cars and beating them while stealing anything they had that looked valuable
>fuck, I really hope none of my employees were in that
>head to one of the bedrooms
>lay down in the bottom bunk
>staring up at the top bunk
>dang, lotta shit happened today
>hasn’t even been 24 hours and I’ve already killed 5 
>I should text everyone
>tell my employees I’m sleeping at the restaurant tonight and were not getting a truck tomorrow
>tell them not to even think about coming in with everything that’s going on
>no responses
>hope they’re all still alive
>wonder how my parents are doing
>they got divorced a while back
>dad’s an exmarine living in a cabin way out in the cut
>also got his hands on a m240 that “fell of a truck”
>I’m sure he’ll be just fine
>mom is living together with her sister
>they are both big preppers
>both ok with a gun too, they have a really bad recoil anticipation though
>they’re a little closer to civilization, but they are well stocked enough that they shouldn’t even have to go outside until things cool off
>I’m sure they’ll be fine 
>drift off to a deep sleep

/k/ day +1
>wake up
>look at alarm clock
>it’s not there
>oh, right
>innabunker.wav
>roll out of bed
>take a nice, long, hot shower
>my one creature comfort I must have
>shave
>it may be the end of the world as I know it, but that doesn’t mean I’m gonna act like a chinlet
>do my morning stretches 
>get killer back pain if I don’t
>grab a can of peaches for breakfast
>head up to the office 
>boot up the computer and check the news
>most of the nations in the world are losing control rapidly
>I guess most nations never planned for enemy insurgents appearing heavily saturated throughout a country all at once
>a handful of nations, like the US, are holding on by a thread through sheer firepower
>looks like right now it’s just poorly armed orcs and goblins
>probably the first that could scramble to the portals
>I’d bet ammo better armed groups are gonna be showing up soon
>especially if they can scavenge weapons here
>I gotta find a battle rifle soon if they start using armor
>better get my day started
>grab my plate carrier, load it up with ak mags and XDM mags
>holster XDM
>sling m92 over my shoulder
>head to backend where I stashed the butchered remains from yesterday
>time to experiment
>of course no prep was done yesterday so I’m doing this start to finish
>grab a chicken breast out of the walkin
>cleave in two
>start marinating them in pickle juice and milk
>the bones from the orcs and goblins got significantly softer overnight and now crumble on touch
>I can now grind them into a fine powder
>mix Gregg’s secret 12 spices into the bone flour
>start heating the goblin “oil” in the small fryer from the bunker
>gonna call it goboil from now on
>don’t want to mess up the main fryers just in case
>mix egg and milk in a bowl
>grab marinated breasts and cover them in the egg and milk mixture
>cover it in the bone flour mix
>get a pot of coffee going while the goboil finishes heating
>toss the breaded breasts into the basket and drop them into the goboil
>while the breasts are frying I start a timer, toast some buns, and grab a mug of coffee
>timer goes off
>raise the basket and let the goboil drain off
>turn off the fryer
>toss breasts and two pickles each on buns
>brunch is served
>the sandwiches taste pretty close to the real deal
>faint hint of earthy and metallic undertones though
>probably wouldn’t even notice if I wasn’t being overly analytical of the taste
>texture is exactly the same
>gonna have to kill an orc so I can try this again with orc meat
>kicking myself for not preserving the meat before it spoiled
>oh well
>can’t cry over spoiled meat
>proximity alarm goes off
>UGH
>can’t a man get peace and quiet anymore
>sling m92 over my shoulder
>holding at low ready
>still have my plate carrier on
>peak out drivethrough window
>more FUCKING orcs
>screaming_wojak.jpeg
>chance to get more meat tho
>rack a round and flip safety off
>unlock the drivethrough window, open it, and lean out of it 
>m92 centered on closest orc, ready to fire at first sign of aggression
>the orcs immediately throw up their hands
>oh?
>have they finally found some spare common sense lying on the ground?
>”please, we just want some food!”
>guess i can understand them now
>suspicious as fuck but my curiosity is getting the better of me
>I yell back out, “y’all got anything to trade, I ain’t doing this shit for free”
>well, I would if it was any race but orcs
>hear one of the orcs say “fuck this dude” as they reach for their waistbands
>see the glint of a knife from the orc in front
>”you better put that knife back where it came from or so God help me”
>the orcs rush forward
>I hate orcs
>magdump into the orcs
>counting off rounds, but not paying much attention to who I’m hitting
>just firing at anything that moves
>most of the orcs that were in front are now on the ground, writhing in pain
>down to about 5 rounds in the mag if my counting is right
>see the glint of a revolver in back
>FUCK
>dive back inside 
>reload
>toss mostly spent mag on counter
>aim m92 at open window 
>I think there were about 3 left standing
>at least one has an actual gun
>gonna have to roll the dice again
>they walk in front of the window
>BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG CLICK
>FUCK FUCK FUCK 
>I DIDN’T TOP OFF THAT MAG AFTER I GOT BACK FROM THE RANGE
 >two orcs fall and one dives through the window
>drop my m92 and let it hang off me
>draw XDM 
>feel an impact on my chest
>staggers me back
>running on pure muscle memory 
>raise XDM and fire three times
>last orc falls
>thank God I didn’t listen to the fags that said if you have a rifle you don’t need a sidearm
>don’t know if these orcs are all dead
>grab a 92fs from the bunker
>not wasting 10mm on kill confirmation
>time to count the bodies
>1 orc dead inside, immediately sling him back outside
>1 dead right outside the window
>one still breathing and trying to get up outside the window
>1 9mm to the head fixes that
>3 dead in the drive through
>2 still breathing
>finish them off like the last one
>total of 8 dead
>grab the ak mag I tossed on the counter
>go back to the bunker
>top off ALL of the mags this time
>put the 92fs back
>take off my plate carrier to look at the front plate
>got hit by a round from one of their revolvers
>plate is dented, fortunately I was wearing level IVs and it was just a handgun round
>gonna have to keep on using it, I didn’t see any spare plates in the bunker
>oh well, better than getting shot without plates on
>put my plate carrier back on just in case more come after hearing the shots
>head back upstairs to start processing the bodies
>I really need a dedicated butchering station
>let’s do it right this time
>strip the bodies of their tattered clothing 
>use it to tie them upside down, hanging from the drivethrough awning 
>should be able to hold them, it’s solid steel
>slit across their throats
>don’t really care about blood getting on the ground outside, the rain should wash it away
>might even get orcs to think twice if they see all the blood
>while the orcs are draining, I clean up inside
>mop up the floor
>do my best to get the blood splatters off the walls
>to make sure I don’t get caught off guard, I take all the 92fs’ from the bunker
>put one by the front window, one by drivethrough window, one by the back door, and one in the office
>grab few 5 gallon buckets and a tarp from the shed in back
>take down the drained orcs
>only interested in getting the breast meat, bones, and liver (for nutrients)
>it’s a shame there weren’t any goblins, I would have liked to get some more goboil
>oh well
>I only vaguely remember how to butcher meat from a corpse
>I learned once how to butcher a chicken, but I forgot over time since the meat always came preprocessed from my supplier
>here goes nothing
>shallowly slice vertically along the stomach
>open ‘er up and dump the innards into the 5 gallon bucket
>set aside the liver
>i really don’t know how im gonna properly get the meat off a humanoid
>screw it, I only want the breast meat for now anyway
>flip the body over 
>take a hammer and fracture where the ribs connect to the spine and sternum 
>slice along the entire outline of the rib cage
>rip off each half off the rib cage
>slice off the breast meat
>kept the rib meat as intact as I could
>chicken-like rib meat has me interested 
>slice off some of the thigh meat
>not really interested in the rest of the meat
>toss all the orc remains in the dumpster
>bet the dumpster truck isn’t gonna be coming any time soon
>gonna have to make a literal dumpster fire
>or maybe someone coming through the portal will have some trash disposal magic
>does magic even exist now
>guess I get to find out later
>take the meat inside
>strip it all of skin and slice off some of the exterior to be safe
>filet the meat
>almost half of it has blood clots
>damnit
>didn’t drain the blood off fast enough
>after throwing out the meat with clots, I’m left with about 30 pounds of breast meat and 30 pounds of thigh meat
>should be enough to experiment with
>getting dark
>better start winding down for the night
>lock up 
>all alarms back on
>still haven’t heard much of anything from the outside world
>not really worried about it tbh
>notmyproblem.webm
>shower in the bunker
>scrub real hard to get all the blood off me
>double check all mags are topped off
>dip into the supplies in the bunker
>made orc breast stirfry for dinner
>turned out pretty good actually
>meat was pretty juicy and obviously fresh
>made a sauce out of goboil, soy sauce, sriracha, and garlic
>served over rice with canned broccoli
>broccoli was a little mushy but whatever
>I’m in the middle of a new world
>I can’t be picky
>clean up
>do my nightly stretches 
>go to bed and drift off